When I was younger, my closest companion was a boy. He and I were born only a few months apart, with our parents being close friends. We spent lots of time together, even when we were still babies. Throughout the years, we have had a plethora of amazing memories together as well as some frightening experiences. After working hard, we explored the forests and made beautiful tree houses. We were careful to decorate them with things like pinecones, grass, and flowers. As a result of all our efforts, we'd be so tired that we had to have sleepovers in our own creations! Rummaging through our parents' wardrobes, we find their fancy clothing and secretly take our bicycles to the lake instead of wearing the leggings - not a very good idea in hindsight. Our connection was the most genuine thing I had ever experienced, but when we turned 12 something changed. Other children started to make fun of us, especially the boys. Even though I was daring, independent and good at sports, I still enjoyed drawing, doing ballet and writing poetry; activities that weren't viewed very positively by my friend. Things such as playing soccer and doing woodwork, which are usually seen as masculine activities, were still acceptable for me as a girl; however, more traditionally "girly" activities such as making pretty decorations or building a treehouse were viewed less favorably for my male friend. As gender expectations became more pervasive in our lives, the closeness of our friendship was eroded. Adults didn't just tease us like the other kids did; they started labeling us much earlier. They would call us "lovebirds" and give us a knowing wink, predicting that we were going to get married one day. This infuriated me because they had no idea what we shared and how we secretly cycled to the lake together - so how could they possibly understand our bond?
I was perplexed as to why people would be so quick to downplay the connection we shared, since elsewhere I saw relationships that were falling apart or already had. Instead of tenderness and affection, I often witnessed malicious arguments between couples in the name of "romance", which could not compare with the intimacy and loyalty I experienced in our friendship. As a child, I was unaware of the art of seduction and the intensity of passion, in addition to not understanding the legalities that come with marriage or the duties associated with paying a mortgage and raising children. I noticed the idea that a friendship between a man and woman could lead to marriage, indicating it was only seen as a precursor to a romantic relationship, rather than being appreciated for its own merits. People seemed to focus more on discussing the possibility of them getting together than celebrating their bond as friends. Popular culture often reinforces the notion that a relationship between a man and woman is generally perceived to have sexual implications. Films such as Friends with Benefits and No Strings Attached portray scenarios of friends attempting to remain platonic but ultimately finding themselves in a romantic relationship. I believe there are a lot of preconceived notions about how men and women should act when they occupy the same space. Many people assume that an attraction is inevitable between heterosexual individuals, resulting in strong emotions taking over their thoughts and behaviors. It is known that even the current Vice President of the United States only dines with women when his wife is present. It appears that men and women are more likely to adhere to gendered roles than they are to act as humans in general, which is evidenced by the presence of relational stereotypes in this particular course. The prejudice towards heterosexuality is evident in the ways our society is organized. This event is occurring in Finland, and if you are a student the government will provide you with funds to help take care of your housing costs and educational expenses. The Nordic progressive welfare system is designed to provide an equal opportunity for education, regardless of gender or socio-economic status. It seeks to ensure that all individuals have the same possibility for success and development. The government has a policy in place which states that if male and female students are living together in the same flat, it will be assumed that they are in a relationship and must provide financial support to one another. The government does not acknowledge roommates of the opposite sex as legitimate friends, thus denying them student allowance based on their gender. However, these individuals are still expected to provide support for one another.
I was very interested in all of this and I perceived that female friendships had much more emotional connections than those of boys and men. This gave me a feeling of closeness which I found to be lacking among males. Gender expectations, especially those related to men such as the need to be strong and independent and focus on actions rather than words, seem to restrict some men's interpersonal options. In my position as an academic, I have taken on the role of researching interpersonal communication, specifically examining men's social relationships. When you look into research literature on close relationships, it quickly becomes apparent that the majority of studies are focused on romantic partnerships. In comparison, research regarding friendships is much more limited. Despite the fact that friendships are unique and personal, there is a common understanding of what they entail; two individuals who share an emotional bond. When friends get together, they typically have a good time but also know that they can depend on each other for support. Dr. Weil Rollins from Ohio University has noted that friendships are formed by choice and are characterized by equality - no one person is superior to the other and both parties partake in mutual involvement. This applies to both men and women alike. Although it is a popular belief that females have stronger and more meaningful friendships than males, is this really the case?
Studies have shown that women's friendships often involve a great amount of self-disclosure, with both parties being very open and honest with each other. In female friendships, it is important to be open and honest about what is going on in your life. It can be difficult to put yourself out there and make yourself vulnerable, but by being frank with your friend about the good and bad parts of your life, you will find a deeper connection with them. Share not only the positive aspects of life but also the ugly truths so that you can build trust in your relationship. Research into male friendships has demonstrated that men are typically less inclined to reveal their personal details compared to women. It is argued that men are hesitant to display vulnerability in their relationships with other men as these connections tend to be characterized by rivalry and one-upmanship. Some studies suggest that men tend to avoid delving into the details of their lives, instead opting to focus on activities and showing companionship through communication. The mutual feelings of loyalty, together with the willingness to assist each other with projects such as renovating a home, are integral parts of keeping a strong bond between male friends alive.
When a man and a woman become friends, the relationship can take many different paths. Depending on how the two individuals interact with each other, their friendship could develop in an array of ways. Many women find it liberating to be more active and playful in their friendships with men, allowing them to express another side of themselves and have more fun. Men, however, express that they relish the liberty of having discussions with female companions which are deep and intimate - due to their readiness to divulge more details to women than those they share with other men. Two points to bear in mind are worth noting here. If men are willing to share their concerns and anxieties with female friends, then there is no scientific reason why they would not display vulnerability towards other males. It is essential to consider what kind of communication is accepted or discouraged between men and women as gender expectations are once again brought into focus. We, as a society, create and uphold these norms by the way in which we discuss boys, girls, men and women. Therefore, it is a question that needs to be addressed. The importance of discourse is undeniable, especially for this modern world and modern age of ours. Also, there are still numerous approaches for conveying closeness in a friendship. Typically, we think of intimacy as verbal expressions of love and attachment. Intimacy between friends can vary greatly, depending on the level of communication they share, how they talk to one another and recall memories together, as well as what rituals and routines are established in order to build trust. Intimacy is also understood through the display of availability and autonomy that each friend gives to the other. The extent of a friendship can differ depending on the people involved in creating and maintaining it. Therefore, you can express your intimacy to a friend by telling them how much they mean to you while having a drink together, or by adding an inside joke on their Instagram post.
Friendships are as individualized and one-of-a-kind as we ourselves are, complications and all. The results of my research into Finnish men's friendships demonstrate that they do indeed maintain close relationships with other males, offering one another both emotional and practical support. It is also true that these same men benefit from such aid in return. The pressure of gender expectations may cause some men to be reticent and refrain from being open about their feelings in their friendships with other men. Even though they have the liberty to do so, those men who are given the opportunity to speak freely report that they engage in meaningful conversations with their male friends and reveal aspects of their lives without any reservations. We should view men and women as part of the same community, valuing dialogue in their friendships equally. Each person's enjoyment of the other's company is identified as one of the most essential components of a strong bond. No matter who we are, we all have our own unique personalities and characteristics that far exceed any distinctions based on gender. The reality is that our individual identities are much more significant than the differences between genders. Put differently, there are more similarities than disparities between men and women. It is like looking at zebras in close detail and saying that the animals are either black or white, although it ignores their other nuances when we focus on the distinctions. In the last few decades, we have observed a growing number of close friendships between male and female teenagers and young adults. They socialize in groups that are not limited to just two genders, and they are open to welcoming all kinds of gender identities into their circle. This allows them to break away from the traditional male-female binary. It is time for us to reconsider our thoughts and opinions concerning having friends of the opposite gender.
Intimacy is something that transcends gender, culture, and all other boundaries. It is an essential part of being human, and we all need to feel connected to others. I suggest that we begin by examining our own preconceived notions about the gender roles associated with friendship, and why they exist. Take care when speaking about other people's relationships as we can only have an understanding of our own. We should honor and celebrate the special connections that we as people have with one another, as well as those that bring joy into our lives. Help children in developing and maintaining friendships with other kids they enjoy spending time with and have things in common with. You may not always agree with who other people choose to be close to, but remember that you cannot decide on their behalf. Advocate not only for children's friendships, but also for other aspects of their well-being. In regards to your romantic partnership, it's important to emphasize the importance of maintaining individual friendships. Having friends is like having a mirror to see ourselves through their eyes. It's invaluable to have people who accept and care about us, as it gives us an insight into our true selves. Take a moment to examine the zebra you may have in your home, as I contemplate my life and relationships. I am content with my partner, yet I feel that the connection between myself and my friend is even stronger. I'm fortunate that this person is the same, as I don't love them based on their physical attributes such as being tall, strong or handsome; but because they are there for me and I can be there for them. We share good laughs and know that either of us is free to walk away each day, yet we continue to choose to experience life together. Every great relationship requires respect, autonomy, privacy, gratitude and trustworthiness - all fundamentals of friendship - which are what make this bond special. Your biological sex does not dictate the level of closeness and tenderness that you can experience in your friendship; rather, it is up to you and your friend to create a bond of kindness and compassion in your relationship. Although our teenage years meant that my childhood friend and I had less time to spend together, the bond of our friendship never faded from either of us. Even after undertaking journeys, getting married and having children, we remain as close as we were when we were in the woods decorating the tree house with pine cones. Construct your bond of friendship on a strong foundation of trust and understanding to create a lasting relationship.
See also: https://mygodsentangels.com/