Oprah Winfrey's quote speaks to the core of my speech and is exemplified in a story about my friend Aaron who was willing to take the bus with me, even when many people would have chosen to ride with me in a limo. It shows that what I am looking for is someone who will stand by me even when things don't go as planned. When Aaron and I were in college, we used to get together for dinner almost every evening. We'd spend the time chatting about our aspirations of becoming psychologists. My friend and I were 18 at the time and thought it would be funny to create a waiting room with a pool table and a sushi chef for our practice sessions; however, I have since learned that this was not such a great idea. We were just two silly teenagers dreaming up ridiculous details. However, I didn't become a psychologist after college like he did. Although I was glad for him, my heart was heavy with sorrow that lingered constantly.
After numerous years had passed, it was a sweltering night in August when I reached my lowest point. It was around 2am when I suddenly awoke with my heart pounding. I went to the Emergency Room and discovered that what I was experiencing was a panic attack. It was only afterwards that I understood my distress had originated from the fact that I was suppressing my ambition of becoming a psychologist. I felt disheartened on a daily basis due to the rigors of my career path, but I was still married with a mortgage and had a son, making it seem improbable that I could become a psychologist. A few months down the line, Aaron and I were spending time together. I was on the brink of tears when I spoke about how my heart was broken because I had not pursued my dream. He said to me: "Hey man, you can still do it!" The conversation that followed was, to say the least, quite passionate. I put up a strong resistance, but he exerted even more pressure. He was determined not to let my fear stop me from achieving my dream, and instead encouraged me to push through any resistance I had, even if it meant getting out of my comfort zone in order to fight for my own happiness. His bravery and dedication gave me a renewed sense of purpose. My friend played an integral role in enabling me to pursue my passion and become a psychologist, something that I am very grateful for and enjoy immensely.
The importance of friendship is immense, yet the amount of literature devoted to romantic relationships far outweighs the amount that focuses on friendship. Here are five key points to consider when it comes to developing and maintaining friendships as an adult. Through my own experience, I have found that following these five ideas can significantly improve your life. My observations as a Silicon Valley psychologist, combined with my personal experiences in regards to friendship, are the source of the ideas I have. Let's analyze the dangers of loneliness first; it can be a fatal condition. Idea one, here we go! According to a recent survey, the majority of Americans (three out of five people, in fact) feel lonely. The US Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, has categorized loneliness as a public health issue due to its ability to be more predictive of mortality than even obesity. It is important to differentiate between loneliness and solitude. Being by oneself does not necessarily mean feeling alone; solitude can be a peaceful, welcome respite from the chaos of everyday life. Choosing to be alone, or solitude, can be very beneficial and even necessary for some people. Although being alone can be incredibly hard, and no one would ever willingly choose to experience loneliness. It has been suggested that having good connections can be beneficial to our overall health. A Harvard study that spanned more than eight decades revealed that men who had strong, close relationships lived longer and were happier than those with many relationships of lesser quality. Consequently, it is the quality of one's relationships rather than their quantity which has a greater impact on overall wellbeing. Research has also demonstrated that having social support can help speed up the recovery process when we are ill or recovering from a medical treatment. There is no doubt that our wellbeing can be enhanced by having strong relationships with friends.
Take a break from thinking about cryptocurrency and instead focus on investing in your friendships. We need to invest in our friendships by treating our friends as if they were top-tier; after all, the rewards of friendship are worth it. High quality treatment involves being caring, empathetic, honest, reliable, trustworthy, loyal and attentive; all qualities that are essential for a successful relationship. Expressing oneself through action is essential; this includes reaching out and demonstrating presence. Investing in friendship creates a virtuous cycle, where the more we put into our relationships, the better people we and our friends become. Fred is often a topic of conversation in my office, as he is an example of how investing in friendships can really pay off. He's a rather composite character made up of experiences shared by several clients. Despite being a successful venture capitalist and possessing an affable personality, Fred admitted to feeling as if there was some sort of emptiness in his life regardless. He stated that despite having many connections on social media, he had no true friends; even though many people would be delighted to join him in his limousine, no one was willing to ride the bus with him. Despite Fred's strength and influence, he felt completely helpless to even begin to fill the emptiness he felt. Although he had a good education, just like the majority of us, he was not taught about the significance of having friends or how to make and maintain them. He had close friends during his college years, however, after graduating he was unable to keep in touch with these individuals or form new relationships. He earned a notoriety for being an individual who put business above all else and thus was unreliable as a person. Fred was a venture capitalist, a professional investor who didn't put money into anything that involved personal relationships. Fred reached the lowest point and determined to make a change. He began to invest in his relationships by setting aside specific times in his calendar to connect with his friends. He would frequently call them without any particular purpose, simply to greet them warmly; he would also spend time together with them socially. He arrived with an emotional presence and was punctual. When he was with them, he put his phone away. He would regularly assess himself on how he was acting as a friend, inquiring what efforts he had made in achieving his desired friendship. Fred was delighted to find that the outcome of his friendship venture was superior to any other business investment he had ever made. We all need to be more like Fred when it comes to investing in our friendships.
Having friends can improve your romantic relationships, making them more enjoyable and rewarding. By investing in strong relationships with our friends, the quality of our romantic partnerships is likely to be enhanced. In the past, our communities were very close-knit up until a few hundred years ago. The popular phrase is even "It takes a village to raise a child." According to couple's therapist Esther Perrell, in times gone by we could rely on the whole village to provide us with any type of social requirements. We now often expect our significant other to meet all of our needs. It is unrealistic to assume that our main partners can fulfill all of our diverse requirements since we all have a wide range of needs. Research has found that men may have more difficulty in forming and sustaining friendships, particularly in Western societies. This could be attributed to the way men are socialized to cultivate a sense of independence which can be counterproductive when it comes to finding companionship. We often watch movies featuring a lone protagonist that is meant to embody the perfect image of an independent individual. We laud a person whose life choices have led to unhappiness and isolation. Those who follow the same path as their predecessors may inadvertently make their spouses bear the weight of all the lost relationships. No matter if someone is male or female, it's not usual for anyone to be fully content with all aspects of their partner. The friendship we share with our romantic partners can be beneficial for our relationships. That's what friends are for, after all!
Even the most powerful superheroes have their limits. Friends may be powerful superheroes, but they still have their own boundaries and limitations of what they can provide. Although a friend who is willing to assist with moving your belongings can be an invaluable support, they may not always be able to provide the same level of emotional help when you are going through a difficult period. Another friend might not be able to assist you in the physical task of moving, but they could be a great source of support for you after going through a breakup. When we are aware of our friends' boundaries, our friendships tend to be more successful. We can sometimes push the boundaries of friendship, and find that it is more flexible than we thought, leading to a stronger bond between us. This is an excellent way for friendships to become even closer. Even if certain limitations may exist, we can still foster meaningful friendships when we acknowledge and embrace them.
It is especially not a wise decision to devote more time to selecting a vehicle than choosing our friends. When deciding who to choose as friends, it is wise instead to look for individuals who embody the qualities you aspire to have. Humans are creatures that thrive in social environments. Research indicates that, despite how self-reliant we may consider ourselves to be, we are still prone to adapting our behavior in response to the actions and beliefs of others. It is a fact that the people we spend the most time with have an influence on who we become, as our behavior and attitudes are usually shaped by those around us. Pick friends whose opinion you trust and respect. We often turn to those we trust for guidance, relying on them to influence our decisions and outlook. Our friends become our confidantes and advisers, helping us make choices that will positively shape our lives. We should be observant as the bond of friendship grows. Research suggests that it takes between three and nine weeks to form a friendship, while the process of forming a strong bond with someone could take up to four months. We can only truly get to know our friends through time, especially in how they show their support for us during both our successes and failures. They are always there to celebrate with us when we win and to help pick us up when we lose. Whilst discussing topics like movies, politics and technology can be an enjoyable, straightforward and safe way to bond with close friends, it is also important to have meaningful conversations about our mental wellbeing. We can only open up and share our lives with others if we feel safe and vulnerable enough to trust them.
I recall the story of my vulnerability with Aaron, and it was through that vulnerability that I discovered the bravery to make a transformation. The findings of Dr. Brene Brown's research illustrate that in order to be courageous, we must be willing to embrace vulnerability. This is a consistent theme throughout her studies. The investment of your time in a friendship can be very rewarding, both for yourself and the person you choose to be with. Your time is your most valuable asset, so when you give it away to someone else, it's an important gesture that can lead to a stronger bond between the two of you. You can recover your money, but not your time. Similarly, you may be able to regain your health, however nothing can be done to regain the time that has already passed. Evaluating the effectiveness of one's relationships is a great way to use time constructively. When considering this, it is important to consider whether the relationship is mutually beneficial and if it provides nourishment or causes stress. It is clear that both you and your friend want to get the most out of your friendship, feeling nurtured and enriched. However, even in the closest of friendships there may be times when one or both of you feel drained or emptied out. It is important to recognize these moments. One way to determine whether something is the Federal Government or a state/local entity is to conduct what I refer to as the "Driveway Test". When I depart from my time spent with a friend, whether it be in person, over the phone, or online, I usually feel uplifted and energized. I leave feeling taller, happier, and better than when we began. Rarely do I feel deflated, exhausted or used after our encounter. If negative feelings persist and it becomes necessary to move on, being grateful for the time you shared together can be a beneficial way to do so.
At the end of our lives, we reflect upon our relationships with loved ones, family members, and even friends, of course. I'm confident that I will think back fondly on my friendship with Aaron and the amazing conversation we had when he said, "Dude, you still can!" The discussion we had demonstrated the five most important aspects of friendship amongst adults. The investment I made in friendship has really paid off for my health; my wife is much more content now that I'm happier. Even with the distance between us, since Aaron lives in Hawaii, our relationship remains strong and valuable - it was certainly a great choice to have him as a friend and mentor. Concluding with the words of Tennessee Williams, life is made up of both what we ourselves create and that which comes from the people we surround ourselves with. Getting a therapist who has both a pool table and sushi bar in their reception area is still highly unlikely. But forming strong, positive bonds with others can be incredibly beneficial to our lives, would always provide us with emotional support and enriching our experiences. Thank you for making and becoming friends with me!
See also: https://mygodsentangels.com/