No, I do not gossip, and I am sometimes worried that others might be gossiping about me. Still, when family members gossip about each other, I feel very uneasy and uncomfortable. Gossip can be damaging, as it can make it difficult to build trust and foster secure relationships among people. It can be hard to replace such broken trust or restore a healthy environment given its potential for destruction. Never gossip or speak in a derogatory manner about anyone, never lend an ear to someone speaking negatively of someone else, never share something you told privately and – most of all – never say something about someone that you would not want to be said directly to their face. Take responsibility right away and apologize if you do make a mistake - it's the best way to restore your integrity as a human being. If gossip were absent from your life, with both family and friends, along with places of school and work; what kind of change would it cause?
We established a "no gossiping" rule 10 years ago when my husband and I launched our business. To our surprise, it has worked really well! When people recognize it's safe to express themselves openly and honestly, that creates a foundation of trust, allowing us to look past the superficial and focus on building meaningful relationships. We replace our preoccupation with maintaining face or pretending everything's alright with cultivating love. The people in our company have grown to form meaningful relationships with each other – and it doesn't stop at just coming to work together, but rather it extends beyond that. I'm going to share four tools from our own creation, Sacred Commerce, with you today that can help create a heart-based culture in any safe environment, such as businesses, organizations, communities or families. With roughly ninety thousand hours of our lives spent in the workplace, it just so happens that this is where we started our journey together. Our customers keep returning because they feel the difference in our retail environment. We offer a unique way of training people in love, which allows them to be more open and passionate when interacting with others. Our approach has been so successful that those we train become part of an experience, creating lasting loyalty with our customers. It is our responsibility – yours and mine – to nurture love from within and be mindful that it cannot be earned or earned by having all the pieces of life in place. Instead, we can use the tools available to us to teach people that love is an inner journey. Agape love is something far beyond the simplicity of a boy meets girl romance. It transcends familial ties, and even transcends our individual wants and desires. It is an unselfish and unconditional presence that we feel when these personal matters are set aside. The new American Dream is no longer just about material prosperity, but also how much love can we hold in our hearts and how can we make our lives about serving others. Imagine if this was the true measure of success, with a newfound sense of prosperity stemming from our actions being focused on helping and caring for others.
The first tool we use is called "Being Transparent". This means having the willingness to expose ourselves, sharing what may be uncomfortable, as well as saying and sharing the things that shape our life, how it looks right now. Sometimes though we still don't share our feelings and fears due to the fear of not being accepted. This prevents us from connecting with others and forming meaningful relationships. We are so afraid that those we love most won't accept us for who we really are, so we keep ourselves hidden. From our head to our heart is a long journey that requires us to give up chasing material objects and their upgrades, and instead focus on living from within. Fear of not being accepted or liked is an egoic mechanism put in place by the mind, acting as an obstacle between us and our hearts. One couple in our community, who were engaged to be married, noticed an awkwardness between them. She was feeling distant and afraid of the upcoming commitment that likely caused the uneasiness. To work through the problem they decided to have a transparent conversation in which they would put everything out on the table. She declared that she was usually courageous, but there were moments when she had no desire to kiss him, or even be around him. In fact, at times she felt repulsed by his presence. He took a moment to take in her words and allow his first reaction to pass. Instead of saying what he initially wanted to, which was "you are so ungrateful get out of my house", he said "I want to spend the rest of my life with you." She felt so relieved to talk to me and finally get her demons out. Instead of concealing her worries, it was great for her to be able trust him and rest assured that he would not judge her for anything she confessed. Five years of marriage and they're still deeply in love - that's the power of being transparent. Being open and honest has allowed them to build a strong relationship, lasting through all these years.
I used to resist apologizing, the second tool for Sacred Commerce, since it felt like admitting defeat and not empowering; however, the kind of apology I'm referring to is taking responsibility without assigning blame. Apologizing is helpful in these cases as it allows me to own up to my mistake and accept the consequences. Managers should always apologize first, even if they don't necessarily do something wrong; this doesn't have to do with right or wrong but with workability. Are you more dedicated to being right and domineering, or kind and empowering? In the end, creating workability is key. The apology is a most effective technique to relinquish our viewpoint and concede that we may not be correct. My two oldest children's father, a Vietnam veteran, was struggling with heroin addiction - an issue that I had firsthand experience in dealing with. I called up Jimmy after thirty years of being divorced and apologized for it. I said: "It wasn't your fault". There was silence on the other end of the line and I could tell he was trying not to cry. Then, I made it clear that "I don't blame you." I requested my ex-husband if he had any requests of me, to which he replied, "I'm turning sixty in a month and it would mean a lot to me if you could bring the kids and come celebrate my special day with me at my birthday party." My husband, myself and our three children with their respective spouses, along with our four grandchildren (all Jimmy's whom he had never met before), all celebrated his party together. The trip we took together was one that none of us will ever forget. It had a profound impact on all our lives, particularly my companion. I could see the difference it made for him, but in truth, it had an effect on us all. My grandkids still reminisce fondly about Grandpa Jimmy as if he were still here with us, like a warm and vibrant presence in our lives. Taking responsibility can be empowering. When you give up a certain position and willingly accept the challenge of taking on that responsibility, you unlock the power to move forward in positive ways.
Before I could apologize to Jimmy, I had been waiting for 33 years for him to send something in the mail to the children and expecting it; only to be disappointed when it didn't arrive. Expectations can rob the joy out of life as I had experienced, but often this is because we are afraid to make requests in case we hear "no"; even though making requests is Sacred Commerce's third effective tool. We tend to take it too personally and make it mean so many things when in reality it just means "not right now". That's what my kids used to say when they'd ask me for a cookie. But when they'd persist and ask, "Mom can I have a cookie now?" the answer still remained the same: no. Of course, you and I have a different meaning when it comes to the phrase "No, not right now."; it almost feels like "you don't like me", "you don't think my idea is great", or "you're not supportive" with all of the personal baggage attached to our interpretations. If we accept that "no" simply means "not right now," we would be significantly empowered in making requests for our ideas and projects. It is impossible to foster growth without taking the initiative and requesting help from other people. Requests can be a powerful tool to demonstrate how others can lend support or help out in a situation. By making requests, individuals are saying that they value the assistance of others and would like to collaborate. I invite you to start getting nos - out there it'll help you be more powerful when making requests. Nos means "No Objections", and going out there with that mindset will make your requests stronger.
Belinda, one of our managers, is an example of a woman who never gave up on her requests. Even when she was met with resistance and heard no, she kept pushing. At nine months old, when her parents split up, she only had one picture of her father; this made her always wonder what became of him. Learning how to already make requests helped in starting the process of finding out more about him. My friend told us she was going to write her dad a letter, asking to meet him. She got a response which said: "Put your energy towards loving the family that raised you." However, this answer just wasn't satisfactory to her. Belinda walked bravely up to the house, knocked on the door, and when an elderly woman opened just a window asked if Charlie was home, only to be shooed away with an explanation that the family had gone to Las Vegas. Her courage apparently wasn't rewarded as Belinda sadly returned to her car. She then wrote a letter to her dad Charlie and his wife, expressing my appreciation and thankfulness for the life he gave her. She told him that she did not want anything from them, only to meet him. Additionally, she thanked his wife for her love and care of all of Charlie's children. Evelyn Charlie's wife emailed Belinda two weeks after receiving her letter, thanking her for including her. Evelyn promised to help her meet her dad and, true to her word, she did. Belinda walked up to the door again, relieved when it opened wide. She was greeted with hugs from two siblings, who possessed an uncanny resemblance to her. Her father was there as well, and he said something that gave her peace of mind after years of doubts: "I've always thought about you and I love you." Don't let fear keep you from making those requests – go ahead and start! Don't be stopped by the nos, and just make those requests.
The final tool I want to share is called acknowledgment - I get moved and even cry when watching awards ceremonies, when the recipient acknowledges the people in their life for what they have done, and even more movingly, for who they are. Start acknowledging people to impact your family and friends right now. Look for the qualities we all aspire to and call them out in your affirmations. Appreciating others is an amazing way of recognizing and calling forth the best in one another. Our organization has had ten plus years of business. Most of our managers during this time have come up through the company, which we attribute to our recognition and promotion of people into positions of leadership. You and your sweetheart remembered when you first fell in love, adoring each other's beauty, humor, and creativity. You thought they were perfect and praised them for their looks, wit and inventiveness. Six weeks, six months, six years have gone by and you find yourself no longer seeing the greatness in someone that was once important to you. You’ve come to believe they’ve changed when in all reality, it’s simply your acknowledgement of them that’s shifted. Acknowledgement is not only a great way to encourage the best in others, it is also an opportunity to remind ourselves of their divinity and greatness when we forget. Therefore, it’s important that we take time to do this more often. Love is quite the inside job, and if you take it on, you'll be more than capable of navigating life's many challenges. This kind of work doesn't just present great benefits; working through these issues will also lead to better, more powerful relationships in every area of your life. Stop gossiping and start making powerful requests, acknowledging those around you. Whenever there is an upset, take a moment to look within and see what can you take responsibility for? Apologize if necessary and be more transparent by allowing people in your life, into your world. Thank you and God for all the love you bring, the kind that changes our lives. We are forever grateful and open to believing in ourselves and all the possibilities where we stand right now.
See also: https://mygodsentangels.com/