The Pursuit of Happiness is a right we all share and it has been studied for centuries to figure out the key to contentment. I know that everybody here wants to be happy, even though there was one person who resembled the Grinch! The pursuit of happiness is a common conclusion that theologians, philosophers, poets, and scholars have come to; and the main way to get there is through love. Establishing close relationships with those you love - and being loved in return - is the key to achieving this state of contentment. This incredibly renowned longitudinal Harvard Study has been in progress since 1938 and still carries on today. It famously follows the lives of a group of young men over a span of 80 years, making this study particularly famous due to its remarkable length and its participants. One renowned participant was none other than JFK! Having close relationships was found to be the one factor that made people happy, a result from the question asked in this study: "What makes us happy?" Through surveys and interviews with many individuals, researchers concluded that having close friendships and relationships was more important than money, fame or even giving a TED talk. The primary indicator for overall contentment and joy in life was found to be the love of a parent, as well as establishing secure and supportive relationships with others. People who experienced feelings of kindness from those around them, warmth from their loved ones, and above all the unconditional love of their mother reported being happiest.
Studies have recently revealed that not having close relationships and feeling love can be as detrimental to our health as smoking, heavy drinking, obesity and physical inactivity. It is important for both our mental and physical well-being, as well as for our overall happiness and longevity. Love is an integral part of our lives, vital for mental and physical wellbeing. Despite the difficulties we may encounter in expressing and understanding it, we should recognize its importance. Many people have difficulties with love and close relationships. These difficulties go beyond petty issues, such as who is going to do the washing up or any other arguments that may arise. Difficulties of this nature can prevent them from forming meaningful connections with others. The fastest-growing demographic in the US are singles - a fact that many may not know. This increasing trend of single people is causing the number of married people to decrease significantly. Finding and sustaining true love is a challenge. Many people struggle to find someone they can form a connection with, while even those in relationships may not feel truly loved. For the past 20 years, as a researcher, I've been attempting to understand why we have such strong connections. Why is this so? Through my studies, I'm trying to find answers to this question. As a neuroscientist, my work involves research on issues related to close relationships and sex; which makes for an interesting career! Specifically, I'm utilizing attachment theory to explore how people form connections with one another. This theory describes the various ways in which we bond and develop intimate relationships. Attachment is not just what you would send in your email; it is how we develop strong relationships with those that are closest to us. It isn't the same as having 300 Facebook friends either, but it's about having the right people around you when you need emotional support or want to share good news. Attachment style, an individual difference between people, is the focus of my research. Why do some people have successful relationships and others don't? This can be answered in part by looking at their attachment styles.
People with the anxious attachment style have insecurities about their close relationships and the fear of rejection or abandonment. These individuals are preoccupied with these feelings, and often worry that their partner does not love them as much as they do. People who avoid intimacy and trust can be classified as "avoiding people". They stay away from others, preferring not to depend on anyone and not having others depend on them. These type of individuals do not want get close to people, instead preferring to keep their distance. Security is the most easy-going type of relationship that usually leads to a long lasting, fulfilling bond. In fact, 55% of the population are secure individuals - meaning the majority of people fall into this category. However, there are still 45% who do not fit in this bracket. In my lab, we are attempting to understand why there exist differences between people in terms of anxiety, avoidance, security, and other behaviors. Just what is the cause of these discrepancies? It could all be your parents' fault according to decades of research and thousands of studies - this is what The New York Times recently reported. Unfortunately, for my own mother, she might be responsible here too, even though her son is too sympathetic to blame her! If you had supportive, responsive, and sensitive parents you would be more likely to have a sense of attachment security. Conversely, if your parents were cold and rejecting, you might develop a sense of avoidance. If they were inconsistent and intrusive in their parenting style, then it is likely that feelings of attachment anxiety would arise. We're showing in my lab not only that parenting style plays an important role, but also genetic predispositions. These two components play essential roles in shaping someone's life. Nurture and nature are both important factors to consider when examining an individual's story, hence the age-old debate of "Nature versus Nurture".
Polymorphisms, genes, behaviors, attitudes and personality are all shaped by the various gene forms and variations. Knowing this about genetics is paramount in understanding how these differences affect our personalities and behavior patterns. Our study sought to explore the possible correlation between attachment style and genetic variations. To conduct the research, participants were asked to visit our laboratory at the University and complete a self-report measure looking at their attachment style, anxiety levels, and avoidance. Additionally, they were asked to provide a saliva sample for further analysis. From the analysis of their saliva, after a person spits into a tube, we can determine what type of genetic polymorphism they have. The findings of this study suggest that individuals' genetic predispositions are, in fact, correlated with the attachment cell they possess. Attachment anxiety was associated with the dopamine receptor gene, while attachment avoidance was associated with serotonin receptor gene. The differences could also be observed among the four groups: an anxious person (number one), an avoidant person (number two), a secure person (number three) and a control group (number four). Part of your attachment style is influenced by your parents and the parenting you have experienced, however, the other part comes from genetics that were passed on to you from them.
In our stories, we strive to comprehend the dynamics of attachment. We aim to grasp how attachment works and its implications for our lives. Additionally, we try to uncover the root cause of why it is so important to form attachments. Using the NF MRI scanner right here in Kansas City, we requested participants to come in for a specific study. Specifically, we asked them to think of five different scenarios while in the scanner, and observe their brain activation. Thus, let us ourselves partake in this exercise together and think of five different scenarios. Imagine you're on a straightforward drive from Lorenz to Overland Park- a neutral hour-long journey with nothing very emotional about the experience. Going shopping for groceries is something often neutral that people do with their partners. Although some may find it annoying or even risky, for many it's a mundane task otherwise. The next three scenarios also focus on relational dynamics, yet they become increasingly aversive in the process. Having an argument with your significant other about the mundane things, such as the dishes or the trash, is perhaps one of the most common fights couples have or could have. Close your eyes for a minute and imagine coming home to find your partner standing in the middle of the living room with a suitcase. They announce that it's over and they're breaking up with you. Take two minutes to think about this situation – although we don't have enough time right now. Coming home to find a police officer on your doorstep can be an extremely disheartening and heartbreaking moment, especially if it is in regards to the sudden news that your partner had been killed in a car accident. It is likely enough to make anyone think of the tragedy more than any potential breakup. After I introduced the concept of fun and interesting experiments, we asked our participants to take a few minutes to think about it. However, after two minutes, we requested that they stop thinking about it and instead focus on my talk. Suppression of these new thoughts was required in order to keep listening.
People exhibiting higher levels of attachment anxiety had higher activation in brain-related areas associated with emotions. To study this, we looked at how the people's thinking might affect their brain activation and what we observed was that those with greater attachment anxiety showed increased activity in regions in the brain responsible for emotion. People with anxiety exhibited a higher level of arousal when thinking about related issues compared to those who weren't anxious. At the same time, brain scans showed decreases in activity in regions related to emotion regulation or control. Among anxious people, feeling overwhelmed can be attributed to having less control over their arousal when dealing with familiar topics. This is because anxious individuals are often more aroused by those same topics than others, leading to a feeling of being overwhelmed. When we asked them to stop thinking about it, we observed something fascinating: they all had distinct approaches of coping with the matter. Secure people were asked, "When you stopped thinking about it, why did you do?" In response, an example of this would be "I thought about my happy place". People can imagine things such as having a party or going on vacation with their partner to feel happier. The conversation could also shift from something else back to shopping as something more neutral, so one could just think of a shopping list as a way to move away from talking about people. People who were anxious still fulfilled the requested tasks, however they felt stuck in a dark and cold atmosphere. For example, one participant spoke about their recollection of the death of their grandparent. She was doing what I asked her to do, albeit with the death of her partner still on her mind. Even after being instructed to not think about it and try to suppress those feelings, she couldn't help but focus on negative memories like the passing of her grandpa. This is a common trait among anxious people.
Over time, researchers have noticed that insecure people's brain volumes are shrinking. Furthermore, these changes in brain activation are thought to be the cause. Results show that certain parts of the brain have been decreasing in size. People who have a high level of insecurity have been found to have a smaller hippocampus in some studies. This area is also known to be smaller for individuals with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Examples of such people would include those that experienced war, prison camps, rape or abuse. These imaging studies demonstrate that being insecure can have similar repercussions to experiencing trauma. In other words, the outcomes of insecurity can be comparable to those that occur following trauma. At this point, you may be wondering: are we doomed to be stuck with our attachment styles? Fortunately, it would appear to not be the case. Secure attachment and feeling loved offers numerous benefits in terms of mental and physical health; if we don’t have this, it can mean significant consequences. We can actually change people's sense of attachment security and insecurity and modify their mindset or working models. Although there is no definite answer that could guarantee happiness, different approaches can be implemented to achieve this. You can increase your overall security through therapy by working with a therapist to try and recognize and address any attachment wounds you have. Alternatively, if you're fortunate enough, you might find the right partner - your prince charming - who is secure and can satisfy all of your attachment requirements. But here in the lab, we are still exploring how to increase feelings of attachment security through different manipulations. This includes exposing people to various images and words, with the goal of making their sense of connection and safety more accessible.
My wife and I have a very special bond, as evidenced by this picture which was taken many years ago. It shows her holding our child warmly and lovingly. I believe it conveys the idea of security that I want to impart to you, for it should make both of us feel more secure. We can expose people quickly to images either when they're consciously seeing them, or subliminally. One way of doing this is to make the images flash on the screen for a very short period of time. We asked people to tell us how similar two pieces of furniture were to each other and exposed them to words like "love". For example, we said "Tell us how similar are two pieces of furniture to each other" and when they answered "love" they could see it again. We have been conducting a study involving subliminal priming: rapidly presentations of words in order to measure brain activity. The results show that people have different levels of brain activation when using this method. People that are primed with security show more activation in areas related to positive affect and reward, as well as control and emotion regulation. Those who are primed insecurely have less activation in the same areas. Priming people securely leads to an increase of brain activity in regions dealing with social and behavioral tendencies. We brought some people to the lab and asked them to look at another participant doing aversive tasks, such as looking at gory pictures or holding a firework while it was exploding. But the most frightening task for many of these participants was when they were asked to pet a tarantula – a big, hairy spider. We would have to put a stop to this study - unless nearby witnesses were willing to take the participants' place and complete the task. The tasks involved fear-factor elements, such as having cockroaches crawl on your head and putting your hand into a black sack of unknown contents. The study showed that people who had been primed with security were more likely to help another participant – over twice as likely, in fact – compared to those exposed to neutral primes.
When people feel secure, their natural tendency is to be pro-social and form better relationships. This means that they are more likely to help someone else in need. People with high security have positive moods and higher self-esteem, along with a preference for authenticity and honesty. They also demonstrate greater tolerance of their partner's transgressions, more interest in long-term over short-term mating strategies, and display more pro-social behaviors such as volunteering and generosity. We see that having diverse leaders in an organization can help decrease the chances of biases, prejudices, stereotypes, and unkind ways of ending relationships. These organizations are likely to be more inclusive and show greater understanding towards different ideas. When we prime people with security, they are more likely to breakup in a compassionate way, reducing the likelihood of regret and providing long term reductions in depression symptoms. These breakups can be done in different ways, such as face-to-face, over the phone, by text or even changing social media statuses. With the current situation not allowing access to a lab or a scanner, you can still do small but consistent things at home such as being more tolerant and forgiving of your partner by learning to forgive and forget. Every night before going to bed, it is important to cultivate gratitude - keeping a gratitude diary helps. Taking out time each day to think about the things that you are grateful for is an exercise in itself. Writing them down will help you reminisce the good things in life and be more thankful. Be kind and reach out for help even if you feel like you are faking it at first. Let go of defensiveness and hatred, learn to trust people, and practice making authentic connections with those around you. Doing these things will help make your life better in the long run. When you do that, try to identify the one or few things that are working for you - just like we do in the lab. Isolate that one thing and then repeat it multiple times - similar to how we work with primes in the lab. Love and relationships are incredibly significant for our mental health, physical wellbeing, and overall longevity. By creating secure connections in simple ways, we create beneficial outcomes not just on an individual level, but also on a societal level. If you would still like to learn more about this subject, please read my book; thank you for all of your time with me!
See also: https://mygodsentangels.com/