When they reach maturity, coastal redwood trees can grow to heights of 350-370 feet. The distance between the two goal posts on a regulation size football field is roughly equal to said tree height. It is also the same height as the Statue of Liberty. If you have ever had the desire to be an environmental advocate, hugging a Redwood tree is an excellent place to begin - just make sure you are prepared to link arms with up to 15 of your closest companions and form a circle around the tree. It stands to reason that the roots of redwoods, given their immense size, must go deep into the ground. The roots of redwood trees are typically only around three to six feet deep in soils that provide the best environment for them, such as sandy loam. The roots of a tree tend to grow outward in long networks, intertwining with the other trees' roots and sometimes even becoming fused, typically reaching three to six feet in length. The collective power of the many supports and upholds one individual. When I think of the root system of a redwood tree, it reminds me of how a brain works. With neurons connecting and firing off information from one side of the brain to another, much in the same way that food and water is transported across the roots of a redwood. This is a neurological framework in our brains that provides an environment for development. I'm not even qualified to be a doctor, that much is obvious. I'm only a mother. I have taken the initiative to do extensive research on a child's early brain development, reading numerous books and amassing as much information as I can in my capacity as a mother. From what I, as an amateur, have discovered, this is my understanding.
Before a baby is born, the brainstem is the first area of the brain to form while in the uterus. The body performs a number of functions without requiring conscious thought; breathing and the beating of your heart are two examples of this. These are all involuntary actions that occur without you having to actively take control. The brain stem is the one in control when we encounter a threat, causing our body to respond with the fight or flight reaction. It essentially takes over and handles the situation, leaving other parts of the brain out of it. The brain stem is responsible for the maintenance of vital functions necessary for survival. When a newborn baby is born, their brain is highly receptive to learning and they absorb an immense amount of data about the environment around them. They are understanding the concept of cause and effect, such as when they become hungry and cry, someone brings them food - which is great! Likewise, when they're feeling lonely and start to cry, someone is always there to pick them up, embrace them tenderly and give them the love and care they need. When a baby is not in an environment that provides them with opportunities to experience cause and effect situations, what then? When a baby is hungry and cries, but there is no food available to satisfy them, what can be done about it? They can also feel isolated, frightened, and overwhelmed with sadness, yet nobody is here to comfort them. A baby's brain is absorbing information, and it has quickly learned that there is no benefit to crying since nobody will come in response. No one else will take care of you, so it is up to you to make sure that you are able to survive in this world. If you want to be successful, it is on you alone; don't depend on anyone else as they cannot always be trusted. It is believed that the manner in which the brain is wired during the early stages of development is what causes something known as Reactive Attachment Disorder.
I would be delighted to share information about Elle with you. She has a lot of energy and is always on the go. That girl has an uncanny knack for perceiving details; she seems to take in the entire scene. She has a fondness for pancakes with sprinkles, and she loves going on jeep rides with the top down. If you happened to be downtown on a certain Saturday night recently, you may have noticed her - she was the one with a bubble wand in hand, letting the breeze fill the night air with bubbles from her vehicle. That girl is a riot; her jokes are so funny that they can make you both laugh and groan simultaneously, just like with any other 8-year-old! In October 2013, she suddenly arrived in my family's life like a leaf that had been swept up in autumnal breeze. Her presence was remarkable. I found out about the young girl who was in need of somewhere to stay, and since she was the granddaughter of one of my former employees, I offered her a place with me. Her family had some matters that they needed to figure out and resolve, so I thought this would be the best solution. Approximately two months prior, she had been evicted from her home located on a reservation in North Dakota and was now living in a 2001 Chevy Impala parked on a gravel road. After spending two and a half months with our family, a gust of wind came along and carried her away like a leaf to stay with another relative in a different area code. She left us for a year, but then came back after being removed from her previous environment due to unsafe living conditions and neglect.
During the earliest 36 months of her life, when her brain was in the process of collecting all kinds of data, she acquired knowledge not to have faith in anyone. She developed an instinct for survival from a young age, understanding how her environment could affect the outcome of any situation. When you hear the phrase “wired for survival” it can be easy to think that you know what this means, but when it comes to the brain of a child living with reactive attachment disorder and post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), there is much more to consider. She can come in for a hug and do the motions, but there is an obvious disconnect that gives off an impression of being unable to show or feel love. I refer to these kinds of hugs as 'dishrag hugs' - where the hug lacks any genuine emotion. It's incredibly difficult as a parent when my child pulls away from me while I'm trying to give them a hug. It leads me to doubt my parenting abilities and makes me wonder if I've failed in teaching them how to show or receive love, which is an upsetting thought. People with Reactive Attachment Disorder may exhibit a strong desire to control every small situation, even though it may not be necessary. It doesn't matter in the slightest which activity we do first; whether it's going to the grocery store, car wash or bank, I might suggest one thing but my friend may say something different. For example, she might say that we'll go to the car wash first and it doesn't make any difference. She is attempting to gain control, so why does it even matter? When she consistently demonstrates her capability to regulate the minor affairs in her life, she is demonstrating to herself that she has the ability to make decisions and can take care of herself without relying on adults. She is actively avoiding forming any kind of attachment to herself, let alone to anyone. It may appear as if an individual is unable to cope with regular circumstances. From the time she was three, I noticed her tantrums were more intense than anything I had seen before. When I tried to explain it to people, they often brushed it off by saying "That's just how kids are at that age - she'll grow out of it eventually." I had the experience of parenting three children prior to her arrival, yet nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to witness. We observed that when she began to lose her balance, it was difficult for her to regain equilibrium. Before then, they had been gathered closely together; if she had one of these tantrums, it seemed like she would have two or three. It appeared as though there was a pattern in the way she grouped them.
Once adoption was officially finalized in October 2016, there was a noticeable improvement in the situation. She was certain that she had found a secure and enduring place in her new home, where love was given without conditions, and everyone was eager to support her as she healed. Naturally, things were about to become even better. Understanding reactive attachment disorder can be difficult for people, as the more a person becomes attached to someone with this disorder, the more challenging the relationship can become. Having a relationship can be intimidating, and the more the mind resists it, it's almost as if one is deliberately ruining it due to the fear that something so amazing could not possibly be real. Simultaneously there is an apprehension about making a wrong move which might result in losing the connection. When it comes to everyday tasks such as brushing her teeth, showering and combing her hair before having screen time, she seems to struggle immensely. It is a challenge for her to manage these simple instructions, causing her to go into overdrive. As soon as she starts, she is unable to control herself and, like I said before, quickly loses her composure and spirals out of control. Maybe we can both agree that today has been tough, and it feels like there's no way to cope with anything else. Even though some of us may find it difficult to manage our patients, we generally have a decent amount of patience for the number of things we can handle in one day. Kids who have reactive attachment disorder tend to have a much smaller window of tolerance, resulting in them easily becoming overwhelmed by everyday frustrations. In the months and years that followed adoption, instead of improving, circumstances actually worsened. The tantrums got more intense as time went on and no one outside the home could be aware of what was going on behind closed doors. Her anxiety and rage would become so intense that she would end up scratching the underside of her arms so hard that it would cause them to bleed.
Then one morning, her screaming was so intense that it caused the capillaries around her eyes to burst. Even long after the episode had ended, she was left with a visible reminder of what had happened. At the flick of a switch, she was completely drained; her condition had been deteriorating after one episode. She was utterly exhausted and I recall when her anger turned to tears and her tiny frame was depleted; she began to say "Owie mommy, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts" so I asked her what exactly hurt and I'll never forget the look on her face as she slowly slumped against the wall from exhaustion and simply said "Everything! Everything hurts." We had exhausted every possible solution and felt completely powerless. For years, she had been receiving counseling and play therapy on a weekly basis since she was three, yet things did not seem to be improving; in fact, they were only getting worse. I spoke with a colleague of mine who works in child protection, and she was quite knowledgeable on Elle's situation. She said to me, "Melissa, I understand that you are attempting to help her, but what you are doing is not effective. If Elle had a broken leg, you wouldn't just put a band-aid on it and then be cheerful when she doesn't limp; instead, you would take her to the doctor and get her the necessary assistance." On May 31st of 2018, my child began attending a PRTF. Our family has become well-versed in the language and procedures of Psychiatric Residential Treatment Facilities (PRTFs). We have come to understand the various symptoms and diagnoses associated with such facilities, as well as how to navigate systems that were previously unknown to us. She stayed in residential treatment for 652 days, an extensive two-year period. During this time she put in a lot of effort and the staff worked diligently to comprehend her circumstances, fulfil her requirements, assist her development and make sure she was succeeding. She had made terrific progress.
We were thrilled that her discharge was fast approaching this spring, and we couldn't wait to visit the school she'd be attending. She was absolutely ecstatic about her upcoming discharge. As we visited the school this day, it was evident that she had made great progress, and a sweet little girl came over to Elle. With her kind, caring soul, she rubbed Elle's leg and said reassuringly, “You don’t have to be scared here; everyone is very nice.” I was so moved by this girl; I was truly grateful. On the journey home that day, Elle gazed out of the window in silence before speaking thoughtfully to me: "Mom, you know what? Sometimes it's not pleasant for me when someone touches me." You guys, this was a major accomplishment; she learned how to express her needs, recognize what they were initially, communicate them effectively and maintain composure. We were filled with excitement at the thought of her coming home, as it was a momentous occasion. I am a great admirer of bows, making them the perfect way to wrap up any present and give it an attractive and neat finish. I am absolutely thrilled to have the opportunity to present a TED Talk this evening on Reactive Attachment Disorder. I was thrilled to share with you the narrative of her journey, from cause and effect all the way through obtaining assistance and eventually reaching a positive resolution - a perfect story arc! It can be discouraging to find that mental health packages do not include access to support or resources such as my metaphorical bows, and often it can feel like you are making two steps forward only to take one step back. Despite this, it is important to keep in mind that setbacks should not be seen as failure, but instead simply a part of the process.
She was released from the hospital on March 13th of this year, only to be faced with the reality of a world in crisis due to COVID. All her hopes and anticipation for meeting new classmates and spending time with old friends vanished in an instant. We were assigned a new therapist who was supposed to visit our home twice weekly when needed, but due to the COVID-19 pandemic, they were no longer able to come. Elle experienced a drastic change in her daily routine when transitioning from full inpatient therapy to the world of COVID. With very little ability to establish any kind of structure, she found herself easily triggered by things like loud noises and barking dogs. These episodes caused flare-ups of her PTSD. She would be overwhelmed by the smallest of triggers, such as a doorbell ringing, and take refuge by ducking under tables or hiding behind chairs. This reaction was so extreme it would take her out of her window of tolerance and back down into her brain stem. She was deep in thought, her mind back at her brain stem. The situation reached a boiling point, ultimately resulting in some very frightening and destructive violence. On one Thursday night, we were terrified and disheveled as we rushed to get an emergency admission into behavioral health due to the threatening things she had said she would do to herself and others. A few days after, she was moved to the psychiatric residential treatment center she once stayed at before. I had the feeling that I had let her down yet again.
I didn't think I'd be putting a bow on this package and bringing it to you again tonight. In fact, the topic I wanted to talk to you about wasn't what we originally thought it would be, but I still wanted to discuss Reactive Attachment Disorder so that you can comprehend it. It is essential that you comprehend the effects of the situation on Elle and other children both inside and outside the system. This problem runs deep, stemming from generations of families who did not have access to the resources they needed to be successful parents themselves. Without these tools, their parents' parents were also unable to provide them with a healthy environment in which to raise children. I wanted to have a conversation with you about this tonight in order to help you grasp the concept, for knowledge is an invaluable tool for freeing oneself from oppression. Parents of children with reactive attachment disorder are doing their utmost, even when it is the most difficult thing they have ever had to do, in order to try and give their kids the best possible outcome. This often goes unseen and unrecognized as these efforts are made from behind closed doors and other known scenes. Elle needs your understanding because those who have experienced reactive attachment in childhood grow up to be the children of your classmates, colleagues and peers; eventually, they would become adults who will go on to parent their own children.
Dr. Bruce Perry is a renowned specialist in child psychiatry, particularly in the area of Reactive Attachment Disorder. He claims that, according to conservative estimates, around 40 out of every hundred American children aged 18 or younger will experience a traumatic event in their lifetimes. What is most important is not the event itself, but rather the way in which the adult members of the community come together to support those involved. We need you to be like redwoods, even when we feel like our efforts are failing. Every day can seem overwhelming and make it seem as if we're falling down, but through your support and strength, we can strive to have the same resilience of a redwood. The most important thing is that we support each other and can depend on one another. He states that fire can provide warmth or cause destruction, water can be used to appease thirst or take lives, and wind can bring comfort or leave a person feeling cold. Similarly, human relationships have the potential to build up one another and also bring harm; they are able to offer nurturing care as well as inflict trauma, and ultimately have the power to heal. This isn't the bow that I had originally planned to attach to this package and deliver to you tonight. I had expected something different than what I got, since there was a lack of resolution and the situation seemed chaotic. Although I'm still in the process of discovering more about redwood trees, I'm beginning to really understand how they support each other. I'm getting an understanding of where they literally come from. Although Elle did not receive the foundational support that she should have during her formative years, those roots of hers have proven to be tenacious and strong. They have extended outwards, making an impact on countless lives. I must accept that the foundations being established in her life each day will give her the strength she needs to continue growing and remain standing tall. I must stay optimistic about her recovery, even during the most trying of times. I must remain confident in the possibility of a positive outcome. Tonight, I'm requesting that you be a strong redwood and hold your head high while believing in hope with us. Thank you for honoring my request.
See also: https://mygodsentangels.com/