Hello to all of you, my readers! I appreciate your staying until the conclusion. I let my mother know that nobody would be present when it was all said and done, yet she assured me that you guys would be here, which is why we are here literally. Today I would like to discuss our approach to speaking about love. I would like to specifically address the issues surrounding how we communicate about love. Throughout our lives, it's likely that many of us will experience love a few times; the predominant way in which we refer to this feeling in English is by using the metaphor of so-called "falling". When I think about this metaphor, it reminds me of something out of a cartoon. There is a man walking down the street who unknowingly steps over an open manhole and suddenly falls into the murky sewer below. I envision it differently because there is a distinction between falling and jumping. But don't worry, accidents always happen and thus are beyond our control, with falling being of them. This is something that takes place without our permission, let alone our awareness. This is the primary method we use to discuss beginning a fresh connection.
As my job, I spend a lot of time considering words because I am both a writer and an English teacher. I get paid to put forth the idea that the words we use have an impact, and I would like to suggest that many of the metaphors used to discuss love - possibly even most of them - do pose an issue. In love, we are prone to falling. We are astounded in love. Our spirits are crushed by love. We are filled with admiration over love. Our passion is burning due to love. Being in love can also drive us to distraction and cause us to feel unwell. We feel a deep sorrow in our hearts, which eventually leads to them breaking. The experience of being in love with someone is likened to the intensity of both physical violence and serious illness. Well, they do indeed. We then become hapless victims of events that were beyond our control and could not have been foreseen. Of all these, I am especially fond of "smitten," which is the past tense form of the verb "smite." If you look up the word in a dictionary, it will show that it has two meanings: "grievous affliction" and being "very much in love". I typically associate the term "smite" with a particular setting, namely the Old Testament. In the Book of Exodus, 16 occurrences of smiting can be found, a term which is used to signify divine retribution coming from an enraged deity. Here we are using the same terminology to discuss love that we would use to describe a plague of locusts. Isn't that correct? What was the cause of this? What has caused us to associate love with immense hurt and agony? Why do we describe this supposedly positive experience as if we were harmed by it as well? I have some ideas about these challenging questions. I want to delve deeper into one metaphor in particular - the concept of love being like a form of insanity. Thinking this through, I believe it is worth considering. When I was first researching the concept of romantic love, I encountered a plethora of metaphors comparing it to being mad. There is a long-standing tradition of using language in Western culture to equate love with mental illness. Here are only a few illustrations. William Shakespeare famously stated that "Love is nothing more than a kind of insanity," as seen in his play, "As You Like It." Love always has an element of insanity. This philosophy was famously expressed by Friedrich Nietzsche. Even the wise words of Beyoncé Knowles detail how a person can get so captivated by and thus so deeply in love.
I experienced my initial romantic love affair when I was 20, and it was an unsteady connection from the very beginning. The fact that it was a long distance relationship for the initial two years meant that I experienced an extreme range of emotions, from ecstatic joy through to despondency. One moment that stands out in my mind is especially memorable. I was reclining on a bed in a hostel in South America, my eyes fixed on the figure of the person I love as they walked away. By the time it was close to midnight, we had gotten into a dispute during our meal. Returning to our room afterwards, he angrily put all his things in a bag and left in a rage. Although I can't recall the details of our argument, I have a vivid recollection of what it felt like to observe him walk away. At the age of 22, I ventured into a developing nation for the first time and was completely unaccompanied. I had one more week until my flight home and I was aware of the names of both the town I was in and the city that I needed to reach in order to take off. Unfortunately, I didn't know how to get from one place to another. I had no guidebook, a limited amount of money, and I was unable to communicate in Spanish. This could have been a situation in which somebody more daring than me would have grabbed the opportunity, however I was unable to move. I just remained seated. I started to cry uncontrollably. Despite being filled with worry, a tiny voice in my head said to me, "That was quite an emotional experience. I guess I'm doing something right when it comes to love." I did want a bit of my life to be unhappy in love. At 22, I had a strong craving for intense experiences, which at the time made me irrational, enraged and heartbroken. Strangely enough, I felt like this awful situation somehow validated my feelings for the person who had recently broken up with me. I had a longing to feel a little bit madly in love, as I believed that was how love worked. It is not astonishing though, as there is a wealth of material on the craziness of love - consisting of 8 films, 14 songs, 2 albums and one novel - according to Wikipedia. After about thirty minutes had passed, he returned to our chamber. We managed to reconcile in the end. We had another week of traveling together that was largely filled with joy. Once I arrived home, my emotions were all mixed up; it had been a horrendous yet remarkable experience that made me realize this must be the real thing - true love. I was anticipating that my initial romantic experience would be wild and intense, and indeed it fulfilled that prediction very effectively.
Although, it was not a healthy situation for either of us that I should be so dependent on his love in order to feel secure. I should imagine that this occurrence of love is not that rare. In the beginning of a romantic relationship, many of us feel a little bit crazy. Research has shown that it is not uncommon for neurochemicals associated with romantic love and mental illness to overlap, making it difficult to distinguish one from the other. It is a rather accurate statement indeed. From this investigation in 1999, the blood tests that had been conducted were then used to compare the serotonin levels of people in recent romantic relationships with those diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder, showing very similar results. Low levels of serotonin are associated with a range of conditions, including seasonal affective disorder and depression. Evidence suggests that love can have an effect on both our emotions and our actions. There are numerous other studies that suggest the majority of relationships commence in a similar manner. It has been suggested by researchers that a decreased amount of serotonin in the brain can lead to an obsessive thought pattern concerning the person or thing one loves. This intense preoccupation is almost like having somebody living inside their head. Most of us do in fact have similar emotions when we experience the thrill of being in love for the first time. The positive aspect is that it typically does not persist for an extended period of time; generally, it lasts from a few months to a maximum of two years. After returning from my journey to South America, I spent a great deal of time in solitude in my bedroom, repeatedly checking my inbox with the hope of getting a message from the person who meant so much to me. Realizing that my friends were unable to comprehend the pain I was going through, I decided that their friendship was no longer essential to me. I ceased spending time with the majority of my former associates as a result. I don't think I have ever experienced a set of twelve months as miserable as that one year of isolation. I felt a sense of duty to be unhappy, as if it was my duty to demonstrate how much I cared for him through my unhappiness. If I could demonstrate it, then eventually we would be destined to be together.
The absurdity of it all is evident - there isn't a universal decree that states that one must endure hardship to experience joy, yet we still persist in believing that love follows this logical truth. The biological and cultural aspects of love shape our understanding of it as it is. Our biology is such that when we experience love, it stimulates the reward systems of our brains. Conversely, when a relationship ends or there is an argument, the associated neurochemical reward is suddenly withdrawn, resulting in pain and discomfort. It is often said that neurologically, the pain of a breakup can be similar to being addicted to cocaine and going through withdrawal. Even though this thought is personally comforting for me. Language is also employed by our culture to form and strengthen its conceptions of love. In this instance, metaphors concerning suffering, dependence, and craziness are being discussed. An intriguing cycle of responses has been established. Love can elicit powerful emotions, both positive and negative, and this is often depicted in our literature and language. This then serves to strengthen the notion that love is an intense emotion that can be both rewarding and painful. It is fascinating to me that all of this occurs within a culture that holds long-term monogamy in high regard. We seem to desire a paradoxical combination; we want our love to be as intense and passionate as if it were a wild frenzy, yet simultaneously durable enough to withstand the test of time. This truth seems awful and even contradictory. In order to resolve this issue, either our societal norms need to be altered or we must revise our expectations. If we all took a more active role in love, just think of what might be possible. If we were more self-confident, more accepting of different viewpoints, and more giving in spirit, instead of simply falling head over heels in love, we would be entering into it with greater understanding and openness.
This may seem like an unreasonable request, however I am not the originator of this idea. In "Metaphors We Live By," Mark Johnson and George Lakoff, two linguists, propose an intriguing proposal to solving this problem: just by adjusting our metaphors. It is asserted that metaphorical language has a real effect on our perception of the world, and can in fact even be viewed as self-fulfilling prophecies that determine how we act. Johnson and Lakoff propose an alternate way of looking at love, describing it as a creative endeavor that both partners contribute to. I'm really drawn to this viewpoint on love. Linguists often refer to the implications or meanings that are within a metaphor as entailments. This represents an examination of the assorted ideas that can be derived from the metaphor. Johnson and Lakoff discuss the various aspects of working together in order to create a work of art, such as effort, compromise, patience, and shared objectives. Our ideas on long-term romantic commitment are well-suited to our culture, yet this metaphor of loving someone can be applied to other types of relationships as well, such as short-term, casual, polyamorous, non-monogamous and asexual bonds. This is due to its capacity for conveying more intricate concepts associated with love. If love is seen as a joint effort of creativity, then it can be enjoyed and appreciated on an aesthetic level. Love is something that cannot be predicted; it brings out our creativity and requires us to utilize communication and self-discipline. Despite this, it can be incredibly frustrating as well as emotionally draining. Love encompasses both pleasure and suffering. In the end, everyone's experience with love is unique.
When I was younger, it had not even crossed my mind that I could expect more from love, that I wasn't obligated to simply accept whatever form of love came my way. Upon their initial encounter four days prior, 14-year-old Juliet does not experience any feelings of sorrow or frustration when she is unable to be with Romeo. What is her location? She wishes for her life to end just like that, do you know what I mean? At the present stage of the play, which is act three out of five, it is important to remember that Romeo is still alive. He's still alive and in good health, yet he has been exiled from the city. When I first read this play at the age of 14, despite the fact that 16th-century Verona is quite different from modern North America, I was still able to comprehend Juliet's suffering. Taking back the power of love by actively creating it with someone I respect and admire, rather than passively waiting for something to happen to me without my say in the matter, is truly a liberating experience. It remains a challenge, I know. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed with intense, unpredictable emotions of love, and it can be very difficult. On days when I find myself getting frustrated, I try to remind myself that my role in this relationship is to communicate with my partner about the things we want to build together. This isn't a simple task either. The alternative to it is something that would be akin to madness, so it's definitely much preferable. This form of love is not a game in which one person comes out the victor and the other becomes the loser in terms of affection. Rather than expecting complete trust, it is necessary to have faith in your partner and converse when it appears daunting to do so. It might seem basic, but this gesture is actually a form of revolutionary and bold behavior. This means that you can shift your focus away from yourself and the potential benefits or drawbacks of the relationship, and instead start to consider what you can bring to it. This type of love gives us the capacity to express ourselves, for example, "We're not exactly a good fit when it comes to working together. Perhaps this is not the right thing for us." Although the duration of that relationship was not as long as I had anticipated, it still had its own unique beauty. The amazing aspect of collaborative art is that it cannot be created without the input of many different people. It won't magically appear on its own, nor can it be painted, drawn or sculpted without teamwork. We have the power to determine what our love looks like in this instance. I appreciate your pursuit of the fine arts, especially the art of love.
See also: https://mygodsentangels.com/