Before beginning, it would be beneficial to ponder this question: Do you think that fate is predetermined and that our lives are written in the stars? It is possible for two individuals to be well-suited for one another. Many of us, when we were little boys and girls, dreamt of relationships that embodied the idea of a knight in shining armor sweeping us off our feet to take us away into the sunset together, or the princess being awoken by true love's first kiss. When I was a teenager myself, my grandpa used to take me into town and tell me the story of how he and my grandma had first met. He would always end with a comment about how glad he was that they had found each other, but also said that if it hadn't worked out, he's sure he would have ended up with somebody else. I must admit, this tale was quite heartwarming; however, I couldn't help but think to myself "Grandpa, are you serious…you don't think she's the one?" At least I knew that that wasn't just my own reaction.
A survey from 2011 showed that the vast majority of Americans, around 73%, believe in soulmates or destiny when it comes to finding their perfect partner. For those of us under 30, it has been found that 80% think this way and there is no major disparity between the amount of men and women who have this opinion. The concept of having a soul mate is comforting in general. No matter how difficult things may seem or how many times we've experienced heartbreak, there's someone out there who is longing for us just as much as we are searching for that special person to fill the void in our lives and make us feel complete. But we might still require something more than comfort in this situation. Believing in soulmates can be seen as an unrealistic idea, and is likely to lead to disappointment. The most ironic thing is how this idea of "soulmate" could actually be detrimental to romance. Believing in soulmates can be counter-productive when it comes to finding and maintaining successful relationships, which is what I shall discuss with you today.
Even the source of this soulmate concept is unclear, so let's begin our exploration from the beginning. If you have gone through Plato's Symposium, then you are aware that according to him, soulmates have been part of the human experience for as long as there has been humanity. This ancient Greek myth suggests that humans were once androgynous creatures with four legs, four arms, and two faces. Zeus was worried about the power of these beings so he split them in half, leaving them to search for their other halves forever. From this story grew the idea that we are meant to find our true love and live happily ever after together. Our main ambition in life thus has been to locate a soulmate. This story, though it might not appear to be so at first glance, reinforces the idea that one can only feel contentment if they are in a romantic relationship - suggesting that being single is an undesirable state of existence. Though this tale is quite old, many of us still have faith in it or something close to it. This is evident from the statistics. Even if some may dismiss it as simply a story, the evidence shows otherwise.
In modern day, it has been found that 94% of young people rely on television and 90% on movies for advice and information related to love. In comparison, only 33% turn to their mothers for guidance, with a mere 17% seeking advice from their fathers. These kinds of media provide us with insight into the attitudes and values that are prevalent in our society. Movies, television and other forms of media convey to us the norms and customs of our culture. As children, we were able to witness the fairytale romance of Cinderella, in which the prince searches far and wide for the woman he is certain he is destined to be with. As we browse online, we come across multiple posts from couples who romanticize their relationships by comparing them to that of Romeo and Juliet - two figures in history who were so devoted to one another that they'd rather die than be apart. Before viewing YouTube videos, we were bombarded with advertisements from dating sites that promised to assist us in finding not only a date but our true soulmate. This concept is pervasive in our culture, becoming increasingly popular thanks to its prevalence in the media. It has been part of society for a long time and shows no signs of waning. Do we need to be concerned about becoming someone who believes they have a soulmate predetermined for them? Should any of us care what our romantic beliefs already are or would be like later?
Before I explain how having faith in the concept of soulmates can have a detrimental impact on our relationships, I feel it is important to make something clear. Throughout this talk, when I refer to believing in soulmates, what I'm actually referring to is something known as romantic destiny. This concept involves more than just believing in soulmates; it also means having the conviction that two potential partners are either compatible or not and that relationships which do not begin well will ultimately fail, or were never meant to be. This phrase has become a way for us to cope with situations in which it seems something was not meant to be. We can all relate, as many of us have either heard or said these words ourselves. This thought is especially relevant to many of us now: "I'm not disappointed by how it didn't work out - don't worry, it wasn't meant to be anyway. I'm sure that there is someone special out there for me, a person who is more compatible than the last one and better suited than any app could offer." This is a somewhat optimistic viewpoint, however we should not be thinking this way; instead we should accept and embrace our soulmates truly and personally. Let's dive into how the concept of soul mates can have a detrimental effect on our relationships. I'm going to discuss how it affects us both when we're seeking out a soul mate and when we're already in a relationship. So, let's begin exploring this topic!
If we're in the dating scene, we can say that we are "on the prowl", which is a very appropriate description because generally, we have a specific person that we are searching for. It could be said that we have a mental checklist of desired qualities to look for in a partner, or perhaps it is even more tangible than that; if you search "dream man list" on Google, you will find over 279 million results. Millions of these lists can contain up to and even over 100 items, some being reasonable while others are rather peculiar. Examples include having a nice voice, a raspy one, being sensitive but not too much, wearing plaid well and the attempt at secretly smelling someone's hair (which usually gets noticed). Of course, there are still millions of perfectly sensible ones with items like having a job or not giving a wetting willie at Christmas dinner. Many of us will find these list items to be humorous or cringe-worthy. We may even get an instinctive feeling that looking for something so particular in a romantic partner is not particularly healthy. Having a list of qualities we want in our soulmate can be difficult; it leads to us viewing our partners as objects and overlooking potential matches who do not have every single quality on the list. Despite this, many people still maintain relatively normal lists. When we are introduced to someone new or scrolling through a dating app, we may not be considering their aspirations, worries, and imperfections. Instead, we could be viewing them as an item that either meets our requirements or fails to do so.
But creating a list of your deal-breakers is an important step in any relationship. This involves determining what you will and won't tolerate in both the relationship and the partner. Doing this helps ensure fairness in all aspects of the relationship. When it comes to setting boundaries for yourself, it's important to know where to draw the line. For instance, if you are discussing your date with friends and remarking about how great they were other than the fact that they put anchovies on their pizza, then this may be too much emphasis on your list of deal breakers. Everyone has different no-go characteristics when it comes to dating someone; for example, one person might say they won't date a smoker or another that they don't want someone who complains about their friends. Research has indicated that the criteria we typically look for when seeking a partner doesn't necessarily correlate with what actually makes us attracted to someone or compatible in a real-life relationship. However, having a list of criteria and using it to find potential candidates can be an effective way of finding great matches. Although I've had my fair share of celebrity crushes, I can't help but ponder what it would be like if I ever met Zooey Deschanel - would there be a spark between us or not? Having a list of desired characteristics in a relationship may seem like it would be helpful, but in reality these desires do not always translate into a successful relationship. Even if you think you know what qualities you want or don't want from your partner, the list may not be as effective as expected in real life. Let's look to the future and have one more workshop. You, me and those in the back could ceremoniously burn these lists. But let's move on with our journey anyway! Once we think we have found our soulmate, the journey is far from over. Relationships are much more complex than the "happily ever after" fairytale endings. Finding satisfaction in a relationship can be particularly tricky, especially for those of us who believe there is one perfect person out there for us. The level of contentment in a relationship over time is largely determined by the amount of fulfillment experienced in the beginning stages; this can range from being quite high to very low.
Therefore, we will examine two scenarios: The Prince and the Frog. Having a relationship with a frog can take on various forms, but if you are someone who believes in soulmates and your partner does not line up with your ideal of the perfect man or woman, it can be difficult to have a fulfilling relationship. If you decided to go ahead and not burn your lists after cheating, then it is possible that the unchecked list items can cause problems for you in the future even if you decide to grant someone a second chance who did not meet all of your criteria. If we opt to get into a relationship with the man who opted for anchovies on his pizza, it's possible that later on in our partnership we could start to think, "He's truly an amazing person but I can't seem to get past the fact that he puts anchovies on his pizza. Maybe there is someone else out there who prefers pineapple instead." Sometimes seemingly insignificant matters can make us question the decisions we have made in our relationships and may even lead to an early break-up. However, if you take the initiative to discard any premade lists or not create one altogether, then you are off to a great start, maybe even a great head start! The following challenge we must overcome when believing in soulmates is the idea that being with one should be simple and without difficulty. This idea is the reason why we often hear of couples splitting after their first argument; they assume that if two people are meant to be together, then they would never fight. Unfortunately, this false notion can lead to a breakup. No matter the size of the issue, if it occurs at the beginning of a relationship it will usually end in its termination.
However, let us consider our next example - a prince - which may lead to a more positive outcome. We've been through the initial honeymoon phase of our relationship and managed to avoid any issues for some time. This might sound like a blessing, however I am here to tell you that relationship satisfaction later on is dependent upon how it was initially, so if we were content with each other from the start then chances are it will stay that way - unfortunately this isn't always the case. The start of many relationships is perfect, but eventually, as with all relationships, arguments and other issues arise. However, humans handle these situations better than our frogs do, for we can cause something else to occur; we don't break up with one another. We have been with this person for a while, and so we either genuinely believe they are our soul mate or at least want to think of them as such. Following the same belief that being with a soul mate should be effortless, any issues arising in the relationship are often met with denial, internalized frustration, and even neglect. Those who accept this notion are less likely to be open about or even acknowledge any of their issues, since doing so would mean that they are not truly meant for each other. Once you have been with someone for a while, your relationship takes on a significant investment of time and effort. This phenomenon is known as the "sunk cost trap" and can make it difficult to end the relationship, even if it's not healthy. While this might sound romantic in theory, failing to discuss issues can lead to staying in a relationship for all the wrong reasons.
Sadly, it is not very romantic to believe in soulmates; however, unfortunately many of us still have this notion. What measures then can we take to counter this belief? Before entering into a relationship, it is essential to be informed about potential issues. Once an individual is in a relationship, understanding that everyone is human and disagreements occur should be kept in mind. It is important to communicate openly with your partner if there are any issues or conflicts. Occasionally, take a moment to reflect and ask yourself why you are in this relationship. Is it because they bring joy into your life and you can't imagine being with anyone else or due to the fact that you don't have any other options as this person used to make you happy or simply because you are accustomed to their presence? These questions may not provide a definitive answer as to whether or not someone is your true love, but they can provide insight into whether this is a person you would want to be with for the foreseeable future—or even forever. I now understand that the majority of people in the crowd, including myself, are students. Therefore, some of the topics I discussed may not be relevant to us at this point in our lives; most of us aren't looking to settle down anytime soon. Due to the freedom of choice and resources we possess, it is not unusual for us to be choosy when finding potential partners. Even though this could lead to a few unsuccessful relationships, this is an issue that everyone faces regardless of their relationship status or age. The concept of soulmates has been discussed previously, which can lead some people to believe that being single is a negative state. This notion implies that the primary ambition in life should be to locate a compatible partner and begin a committed relationship. We have also discussed how it can prompt us to create lists or lead us astray by having us look for the wrong things initially. It can lead us to prematurely end relationships, or conversely, remain in them for a prolonged period of time. Although we may feel that all is lost, by altering our mentality towards soulmates and destiny, a brighter future can be achieved through one small, easy step. As children, we were enchanted by the tales of princesses who were isolated in towers, only to be saved by the bravest and most deserving of suitors. We watched movies and read books about these captivating stories of true love. Rather than seeking the perfect person, be open to the journey of finding someone special. Even if there is no pre-destined Prince or Princess Charming out there waiting for you, that doesn't mean you have to settle for loneliness - it means that there are countless potential partners out there who could make your dreams come true. You don't need a Prince Charming to find love and happiness. Next time when you feel anxious about looking for someone to complete you, keep in mind that Plato's notion of the 'other half' was not accurate. You are already whole by yourself - so don't worry!
See also: https://mygodsentangels.com/