At least some of us have experienced it – falling in love with the wrong person. But exactly how many people out there can relate to this feeling? By a show of hands, the majority of us are each searching for a new partner in life. Seeing an overwhelming majority in agreement, it is most clear we need to make some changes now. Choosing partners is something that we hardly ever talk about and yet it is incredibly important. Despite its significance, it seems like we have never been provided actual guidance on how to effectively make decisions regarding who and when to partner up with. Expected to instinctively know what is right, wrong and necessary to do, we just need to go along that way - no matter how uncertain it might seem.
When I went to business school, I quickly understood the importance of this gift of mine; something that already existed inside of me. Nothing puts a smile on my face more than to aid my friends in finding their true loves. I was determined to help out in any way that I could and continue lending a helping hand time and time again. I was always determined to take a risk and chase my dreams; so much so that twelve years ago I had decided to take a leap of faith and leave behind a stable job to start my very own company. My new company now helps people address various issues of the heart. We are proud to say that our mission of helping singles find lasting and happy love has been successful. Every day, we see many couples enjoy such a breakthrough, something that was not attainable before. But what is even more remarkable is that not a single one of these leading relationships has ever devolved into a divorce.
But as it turns out, people are utilizing a rather common checklist when it comes to dating: a quite shocking discovery that we happened upon during the process of our research. Seemingly, this has unveiled some captivating insights which have enabled us to gain an impressive understanding. Women often share that when reflecting on the characteristics of their ideal partner, having a tall stature is a major requirement - preferably at least six feet tall. And the answer of tall men was when I asked just one of many women what they look for in a man, while the rest of them also typically say that someone who is confident, kind and intelligent is attractive. However, when I ask men the same question, they often reply that attractiveness is the most appealing quality in a woman.
So far, our experience has not been going as well as we had hoped. We anticipated success, but the outcome has not even been close to fulfilling. In the U.S., 50% of first marriages end in divorce, 67% of second marriages and 74% of third marriages. All these are evident when we examined the data thoroughly. Almost all of us are adhering to an incorrect checklist, which is not ideal, at least in the long run. Finding lasting love requires more than just being tall and attractive. Although being tall and attractive are a great starting point, in order for true love to last, people must invest more effort into understanding, communicating, compromising and developing meaningful connections. This is why we taught our friend Anna a better way to find love, no matter her identity, who she is looking for or what type of person they are. Dare we say - this method produces more improved results, a completely new list of hopes and dreams for Anna even! And so for this reason, we still believe that love is love and all individuals should be allowed to search for it without prejudice whatsoever.
Anna first arrived at our doorstep after experiencing a depressing and heartbreaking split from her partner. When her ex-boyfriend of two years suddenly broke off their relationship, she was left intensely hurt and disillusioned. So, in order to make sure this devastating experience never happened again, she wanted to analyze and reflect on what led her down that path in the first place. This is where our helping hands came into the scene. The first thing I wanted to do with Anna was uncover the list inside her head – so I asked her "What were the items on it?" Anna replied when I asked her about her dream guy, “That is great! Here is my list: He should be tall - over 6-2.” "Of course he is", I responded in return. He is doing much better than me financially, having a highly rewarding career and looking good with his fitness and luscious locks. He always seeks thrilling opportunities, making him even more admirable. Anna’s list for “masculine traits” was seemingly endless, with a 6'-2" tall man being just the beginning; her wish list extended to include 34 more traits. Lest you think that Anna's list is exclusive, it really is not. It is no different than similar lists of its kind from even more women. I have conducted thousands of interviews with women, uncovering that 95% of them share virtually the same dreams: practically tall men among other hopes.
My second and more important question I asked Anna was: "Who are the special people in your life that bring you so much happiness?" She explained, "My best friend, Laura, is always there for me. She is completely non-judgmental and super supportive. My brother Michael is pretty unconditional. He celebrates me as if he was my own personal cheerleader! On the other hand, my pal Catherine keeps it real but still maintains a positive outlook on life, wisely giving me advise when I need it the most." Anna had never thought of the special people around her in this way before - they make her so abnormally happy that she could not even imagine being alive without them. Tears were welling up, streaming silently down her face and giving me assurance that those emotions of hers were real and meaningful.
Anna was not at all aware she was discussing what I commonly call "elevator people", but that is precisely what she was doing. Elevator people are a special kind of support group, an inspirational inner circle for individuals because just like elevators, they can lift us up yet still keep us grounded and secure. They also elevate us emotionally, mentally and physically so that we can accomplish our goals. Elevator people make sure that we stay safe and protected on our journey ahead! Elevator people are an essential part of our lives, as an integral and invaluable bond that ensures we remain both comforted and nurtured. They represent the crème de la crème of all of our relationships that lift us up in joy, connection, and purposefulness.
Anna's eyes suddenly widened when we placed the two lists side by side, revealing all our hard work. We had been diligently noting down ideas and forming plans for a while now, and the information gathered had helped us create two lengthy lists that now lay there before us. All of her exes had met the criteria on her dream guy list, yet she had never really taken into account how each relationship actually made her feel; what would give her the most fulfilling sense of happiness. The moment of realization and understanding suddenly became apparent for her and the idea finally clicked in her mind: the light bulb had turned on in her mind. Anna's dating life changed drastically when she realized that, up until that moment, she had been looking for what she wanted in a partner and disregards what she needed for her personal happiness. Although this transition is still accessible to anyone who longs to find long-term love.
Anna's epiphany of finding the men of her needs may seem straightforward and logical, but it is not necessarily so. This might appear natural, intuitive, and obvious, yet that is still not the case. Less than two percent of people include some form of elevator quality on their dream list. Although elevator people are a much desired convenience, their consent is rarely included on anyone’s wish list. But of course, evolution has been the reason behind why things now are the way they are. Aspects such as physical characteristics and mental & emotional behaviors that are seen in organisms today, have developed over time through natural selection, which is a core tenant of evolution. We have a biological predisposition to prioritize the characteristics we desire in our dream partner; traits like physical beauty, kindness, intelligence, and love then become part of our list. Women in the cave days searched for a big and strong caveman who was able to hunt and kill buffalo, bring back the catch, and nourish their village. Today, thanks to evolution, what is women's number one preference for men? Their top choice is tall men. Likewise, cave men sought cave women that could survive undue tragedies with multiple childbirths and safeguard her home. They looked for females who were rather young in age so as to be able to lend their sturdy support. Many men of all ages still nurture their dreams of young women, with the hopes and possibilities of achieving them in the future. And even to this day, chasing after the attractive ladies of their dreams remains a prized priority on many men's bucket lists.
Tall, younger and attractive people have nothing to feel ashamed of - the same ideal on love goes for everyone regardless of age or appearance. Diversity should be celebrated and embraced! Attraction is an essential part in any romantic relationship, however what I would suggest is to instead strive for the qualities that make you happiest when choosing a partner as it will ultimately bring about much deeper and more meaningful love. How could it not? Anna took some time to adjust to this new need-based dating approach. Afterwards, once she gave up on her old, preset dream list of what she wanted in a mate, she began dating different people - getting to know each one and seeing how they made her feel. The people in her life that brought out the most joy for her made her feel most at ease. They made her understand that she was always supported and loved, key qualities of those who make us happiest as well, and character traits that Anna most desired from her potential significant other. The good news still is that she finally found him. They had been trying to get connected for a while and she finally managed it! She was so happy - they had been hoping to meet up sooner rather than later, and now she was able to start conversation. It really cheered her up after all of her tries and improvements! He is always there for her, being her own personal cheerleader and a positive supportive presence. He is cute, smart and successful in his job despite only standing five foot nine. Ultimately, everyone is the same regardless of their height – we had to remind her of that perspective all the time! They are thankful for finding each other and, as a result, appreciate their close bond even more. Their romance remains strong and they remain grateful every day that they have such a special connection with one another.
Now people often refer to me as a “psychotic optimist”, but I like to believe that I had earned this reputation with good reason. And this good reason is that I am wholeheartedly convinced that love is available to anyone who seeks it. Despite any challenges that may come with it, I unreservedly believe that there is a special someone out there for everyone. We can create a more beautiful story when we make an effort to consciously select individuals that bring us fulfillment. We can all imagine what it would look like if we took the time to create our own elevator lists and think about which aspects of our relationships bring us joy. Let us get together and recognize what truly makes us happiest in our most intimate relationships. We can become "elevator people" ourselves for our partners, spouses, families, friends and colleagues by imagining what the list of characteristics of an ideal partner are - kindly supportive, passionate and understanding - and actively exhibiting these to them. If we could just imagine how much more love there would be in the world, it would be truly remarkable. Taking the time to ponder this opens up a world of possibilities and greater understanding on how to create and build loving relationships with each other. Divorce rates could potentially be drastically different if, instead of seeking out traditional relationships, people chose to cultivate more unique romances, with "elevator people!" Imagine what that could look like and the potential ramifications of embracing this alternative form of connection. I love my job and it would be hard for me to consider any other way of life. But at the same time, I thrive on love and it would bring me joy to be of service in helping others find it. I thank you for considering my thoughts!
See also: https://mygodsentangels.com/