Have you ever had the opportunity to come into personal account with the person that was meant for you? I'm posing this possibly tougher question, as it may take a while to come up with a reply. But have you ever found your own personal met soul mate? Well, truth be told, Soul mates are always quite hard to acquire. Still, I detect a few affirmative answers and a good number of naysayers - whatever their true opinion may be. The qualities that made this person your soul mate may have been varied – it could have been their physical appearance, the strive and ambition they had in their chosen career, a meaningful spiritual connection between the two of you, or even an affinity for a shared faith or religion. Regardless of what those traits were, it all made a difference now that you are in your own relationships and enjoying all of the time spent together as well. We may feel connected to another person on an emotional level for a multitude of diverse reasons. That strong connection that binds us together could arise from a shared experience, mutual interests, values alignment, kindness, trustworthiness or any number of other factors. Better yet, a healthy bond could arise even from the dynamic contrasts between two opposing personalities. That way, one partner shares with the other traits only he or she possesses, filling in the holes in the other partner's heart and strengthening each other and their bond together.
Growing up, I had very strongly held Christian beliefs and was focused on finding my soul mate - my true love. I was conscious that this man I was looking for note just had to be good-looking and have respect for women, but more importantly had to be someone of unquestionable character and background; someone who would accept me completely, respected my uniqueness and want to continue loving our relationship forever. I went to an Ivy League school and was able to accomplish everything I set my mind to, yet one lingering thought persisted- that of finding my soul mate. I played soccer for fun and went through the motions of life, hoping to finally achieve what I was searching for. At 24 or 25 years old, I felt like an "old-timer" in the Christian community - I viewed myself as past my prime for potential marriage. Although this thinking of mine may seem outdated compared to today's standards, back then it didn't feel too young and refreshing! That is why I went browsing the Internet one night and I discovered my interest for the Myers-Briggs personality test. So, I decided to search for INFJ males and type "INFJ male" into Google. Surprisingly there were only two results for my search and tastes, and eventually that lead me to meeting my future partner. Six months removed from us initially connecting and much to the shock of our families, we married – all because I was undertaking social work in Pasadena and he was functioning as a software developer for a start-up there as well. We hit it off in no time and formed an incredible bond over that twirled romance.
Our families grasped our connection despite their shock anyway, for they could see how well we got along, demonstrated by their immense admiration between us - and acknowledging that being a couple had made us better as individuals. They recognized that our bond was unique and remarkably harmonious. He was like my perfect counterpart, a software developer that could keep chill and work slowly yet steadily, while I was wild with my creative ideas and chaotic energy. We meshed together as if our two contradictory personalities were made to fit together seamlessly, just as I knew we would. Sure enough though, I decided to make a drastic change in my life; I moved from pursuing a graduate degree and shifted to Reno where I began working in start-ups and started discovering the streets of being a start-up with my new life partner. Every night we would bond by exploring new ideas - ranging from going to restaurants and bars to having heated discussions much like a TED talk. It was such an enriching dedication of time that brought me immense pleasure and appreciation for each other's intelligence. For the past nine years of my life, me and my spouse have been a dynamic soul mate duo; it was one of the most tranquil periods of my life. We encountered one another several years back and quickly realized we had an admirable bond that lasted throughout all this time. Together, we created something greater and made a home in each other's souls. We collaborated; completing projects while dreaming of a future that would become realities such as our new household and my role as step-parent. Ultimately we had forged an everlasting bond with great memories to cherish along the way. I felt like everything had just lined up perfectly and I had won the ultimate jackpot - like I could finally put to rest my dream of finding my soul mate.
Then one ordinary day, my life changed after I was given startling news: my partner was undergoing transgender. This unforeseen revelation rocked my world in many ways and continues to remain an integral part of our lives together. You could probably hear a pin drop right now. My initial reaction was, "No seriously. You gotta be kidding me!" But then I realized that this could be an opportunity. So my next response was "OK, tell me more – what does this mean for us and how can we reach wholeness and wellbeing?" Having started three years ago, I went through a journey of research and understanding about what it means to be transgender. This quest for knowledge led me to an even more significant decision – continuing a marriage to the same person who now identifies as trans. We're still together though today, happily married. But for my spouse, it was a feeling of deep discomfort related to the gender they were assigned at birth; thus necessitating that she medically transition into another gender identity. You might be even thinking, "Oh no! Is my partner going to spring this on me?" You're apprehensive and unsure of their intentions. Don't fret though, they might have surprised me with something wonderful! It's been an intriguing journey, and I'm pleased to express that I always maintained a pro-choice demeanor as well as respecting her wishes by being both accepting and supportive of her transition. "If I go through with this," she warned me, "It could potentially end our relationship; however, I want you to know that you still have the option to say no." I had certain admiration for her due to her acknowledging the sanctity of our marriage and my own value as a person.
I felt a deep degree of respect towards her but I couldn't fully describe the strong sense of loss I was feeling about the situation. I just wanted her to be happy and live a full life, but it felt like all those hopes were quickly coming to an end. Someone familiar had to depart and was replaced by somebody unfamiliar. It was an emotional time for me, almost like a part of me was going away at the same time. 40% of my journey is certainly real, as I had learned how to cope with the natural emotions associated with the transformation of my partner. How one would expect to feel in this situation can range from sadness, to confusion and anger. It's a progression many go through when facing similar struggles. Another part of my reaction - about 60% - is due to internalized transphobia. This is an unconscious fear or perhaps social stigma around trans people that comes from years of being raised in a society that discriminates against and stigmatizes transgender individuals. I was in for quite a surprise when I unexpectedly discovered a hidden challenge I never knew that existed within me. It came as somewhat of an eye-opener, having never suspected that this secret hurt was there all along. We have been programmed as a society to think of those who do not meet the binary between men and women in terms of sexuality, or whose born sex they don't identify with, as different, strange or even weird. This is what Alex talked about in terms of programming and how men and boys view women. I had the privilege of spending six wonderful and loving years married to this person whom I had come to know and love with every part of me. We have been through everything together and have developed a deep understanding an appreciation of one another, despite all the changes throughout these years. I, more than anyone else, understand that gender transitioning is a treatable condition that affects normal people. Consequently, I recognize this serious condition and the ramifications it has on those affected. I had difficulty with the transition, since I was still experiencing a sensation of humiliation and disgrace due to our new circumstances. For the past three years, I have undertaken significant effort to understand what it means to be married to someone who is transgender. Questions such as "What does this mean for my sexuality? Am I now a lesbian?" have forced me to undertake a hard and intensive process within myself. When we go out, people naturally assume that we’re a lesbian couple, which often causes unwanted attention. At the gym, and in the locker or pool area, we might experience situations where people might not be aware of our unique circumstances, but we are still engaging in activities that require us to interact with others.
Having grown up in a privileged position of power as a white, middle-class female, who was comfortable with her identity and in a heterosexual relationship, it was difficult for me to adjust to the reality that comes with not having those privileges and advantages. As we continue on this path together, there's always something new to discover. Every day, I'm gaining knowledge not just of which words to use but how best to make it work in the bedroom; what expresses intimacy, connection and pleasure and what doesn't. I'm relearning that a lot of my worries about the future in regards to my spouse were really coming from other sources, not anything directly involved with our relationship. My fear came from worrying about what others may think or expect after certain changes in our lives. Now, with much uncertainty surrounding me, I firmly stand here resolved to faithfully face the future. No matter what challenges come my way, I promise to greet them unarmed yet vigilant. From these formidable situations I hope to turn failure into success and guide my life in a new direction for a brighter tomorrow. I, as a wife, proudly support my new transgender wife as she goes through numerous journeys in life. Knowing that our bond is never-changing, my significant other remains dear to me - my soul mate. I can easily ascertain that she is my soul mate even in the total darkness of this room; for, I know just how to sense her and locate her presence in the space. After all, people have an air or aura about them, which attracts each other's presence everywhere they go, including physical attributes or occupations. This external layer of existence allows us to quickly group individuals into predetermined boxes, forming the basis of their relationship with others. From this we can learn the importance of making more meaningful connections beyond what is presented on the surface level. Underneath all of our quirks, habits, and behaviors that make us uniquely ourselves lies a soul; strong, deep and undeniably genuine. Beyond the stifling exterior, this soul is true to who we really are and how we really feel. Is it any wonder then that when we love one another, we love with all of our hearts and souls? But finding that potential partner in life still all depends on you, my readers: do you even know personally the traits of your soul mate, if you were to encounter them? Could you even recognize your true love upon at first sight - without hesitation or second-guessing? How familiar are you with the spiritual connection of a "soulmate"? If you are embarking on the journey of life right now, do you have a clear idea of what you hope to achieve and what to get out of it? Do you know what your goals are and whether they are achievable? Do you have an understanding of what it takes to get to that point? Whatever your response may be for me, my reply in return for you is my best of wishes for you as you find and connect with your soul mates.
You know, I really appreciate our conversation and the time we spend together. It has truly been a satisfying experience, and I am grateful for the opportunity to connect with you, especially in this remote manner. Once again, I thank you very much for making my calm and collected presence worthwhile. It has been a pleasure enlightening my readers, one and all.
See also: https://mygodsentangels.com/