Warm greetings and salutations! Welcome, esteemed attendees of TEDx in the magnificent city of San Francisco. As the spotlight engulfs the stage, I extend my heartfelt regards to each and every one of you. How do you fare on this fine occasion? I trust that all is well?! It is with great enthusiasm that I address you today. My name is Mel Robbins, and for the past seventeen years, my singular purpose has been to assist individuals in attaining their desires, albeit within reasonable limits. I must acknowledge the presence of my beloved spouse in this esteemed gathering. Whether it be within the confines of the courtroom, the boardroom, the bedroom, or even the comfort of one's own living space, I am resolute in my commitment to facilitate the fulfillment of your aspirations by any necessary means at my disposal. For the past three years, I have been hosting a syndicated radio show, broadcasting live to forty cities five days a week. During these shows, I engage in conversations with individuals across the United States who find themselves in a state of stagnation. It is alarming to note that approximately one-third of Americans currently express dissatisfaction with their lives, equating to a staggering one hundred million people. This fact is both astounding and concerning. Moreover, in my latest endeavor, an extraordinary show entitled "In-laws," I immerse myself in the lives of families across America who are embroiled in conflicts with their in-laws. By bringing these families together under one roof, I employ tactful yet assertive communication to address their deep-seated issues. Through this process, I aim to shift their focus from trivial matters like donuts or hosting Thanksgiving dinner to more meaningful discussions about their genuine concerns. Today, I would like to address a crucial topic that pertains to each one of you. As your host, my purpose is to provide you with invaluable insights in under eighteen minutes on how to attain your desires. Therefore, I implore you to take a moment right now and reflect upon your personal aspirations. This is an opportunity for you to be unapologetically self-centered, disregarding any collective or communal obligations. This moment is exclusively about you and your needs, momentarily setting aside any concerns for Simon and his emphasis on the collective "we." I apologize, Simon, for this temporary diversion.
What is your desired objective? Allow me to present the proposition. My intention is not to cater to others' perceptions. Achieving physical well-being alone will not compel you to engage in treadmill activities. Rather, the prospect of shedding excess chest fat, thereby increasing your chances of forming romantic connections, serves as a motivating factor. Thus, I would like to inquire: What is your aspiration? Do you seek to attain weight loss? Are you aiming to triple your income? Perhaps establishing a nonprofit organization is your goal? Or is finding love your primary desire? Whatever it may be, the answer lies here within reach. You are aware of it, so refrain from over-analyzing and simply make a selection. This indecisiveness constitutes part of the predicament. Consequently, we shall discuss the means by which you can obtain your desires. To be frank, achieving what you want is uncomplicated. However, it is important to note that simplicity does not equate to easiness. Indeed, if one contemplates the matter, we currently inhabit an extraordinary juncture in time. Consider the aspirations you hold within your mind, irrespective of their nature—be it harnessing wholesome nourishment to alleviate diabetes, devising means to attend to the elderly and establish a novel hospice center, or even embarking on a journey to Africa to erect a school. Allow me to enlighten you: it is within your power to step into a literary emporium at this very moment and acquire no fewer than ten tomes authored by distinguished experts, elucidating the precise methodologies required to achieve these feats. Alternatively, a simple internet search could unlock a plethora of resources, including an abundant array of blogs meticulously chronicling the meticulous step-by-step progress undertaken by others who have already embarked on such transformative endeavors. In fact, you possess the capability to virtually trace the footsteps of any individual you encounter online, metaphorically shadowing their actions—employing the principles of drafting, if you will. By emulating the tried-and-true strategies forged by those who have traversed the path before you, the pertinent question arises: why do you not possess what you desire, when you are equipped with all the necessary information and contacts? Moreover, it is highly probable that myriad online platforms proffer complimentary tools, enabling you to launch a business, affiliate with a community, or freely engage in any other venture that captivates your interest.
It ultimately boils down to a single term: profanity. Please refrain from using offensive language. Do you comprehend the subject I am addressing? I am referring to the utilization of expletives. It seems to be omnipresent in our society. It is a phenomenon that I genuinely fail to comprehend. Using such a word does not enhance one's intelligence, nor does it accurately convey one's true emotions. It can be viewed as a rather facile and unfair approach. Of course, I am alluding to the word "fine". When someone asks, "How are you doing?" and the response is "Oh, I'm fine," is that truly the case? Are you content carrying around those additional forty pounds? Are you satisfied with feeling like mere roommates with your spouse? Is it acceptable for you to abstain from any sexual activity for a period of four months? I highly doubt it. However, expressing contentment by saying you are "fine" can be considered a clever strategy. By claiming to be fine, one can evade taking any action to rectify the situation. Nevertheless, contemplating the usage of the term "fine" incites a strong sense of anger within me. We find ourselves gathered here at a conference centered around the essence of existence, and you dare to describe the experience of being alive as "fine"? What an insubstantial and feeble word! If you are in a miserable state, acknowledge it! If you are feeling remarkable, express it! Speak the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth! Not only does this observation apply to the social construct where individuals refrain from burdening others with their discontent, such as saying, "I don't want to burden you with the fact that I hate my life," or "Hey, I'm amazing! But that would make you feel terrible," but it extends to a larger issue. The significant problem with the term "fine" lies in its usage as a self-affirmation. Invariably, the things you truly desire, I assure you, you have convinced yourself that you are content without them. This is precisely why you do not strive to attain them. It pertains to those aspects of your life where you have resigned yourself, where you have declared, "Oh, I'm fine. My mother will never change, so I cannot engage in that conversation," or "I'm fine. We must wait until the children complete their education before pursuing a divorce, so we will merely sleep in separate bedrooms," or "I'm fine. I have lost my job, I can barely cover my expenses, but well, finding employment is challenging."
One of the reasons why this word irritates me to such a degree is that scientists have, in fact, computed the probability of your birth. Yes, they have meticulously analyzed the data. I see some of you standing up there. They have meticulously analyzed the data to calculate the likelihood of your existence. They accounted for all the wars, natural disasters, dinosaurs, and everything else. Can you fathom the odds? The odds of you, yes, you right here, put your computer away and stand up, Doug! So, the odds of Doug, right here, turning around and greeting everyone, being born precisely at the moment in time he was born, to the parents he was born to, with his specific DNA structure, are one in four hundred trillion! Isn't that astonishing? I am incredibly fortunate! Yes! You are not merely "fine," you are truly extraordinary! You possess transformative ideas for a purpose, and that purpose is not to subject yourself to torment. You have my thanks, Doug. Christine's statement regarding the potential of each individual to grace the stage holds true. Indeed, we all belong to this extraordinary category, with odds reaching one in four hundred trillion. Throughout the day, countless ideas cross our minds, possessing the power to alter our lives, transform the world, and revolutionize our emotional state. However, regrettably, what actions do we take to manifest these ideas? Often, the answer is nothing. Furthermore, I trust that I shall not engage in any inappropriate behavior that might offend you, as that is not a service you have paid for.
I kindly request you to take a moment to reflect, as each one of us often experiences this phenomenon. I find the analogy of the "inner snooze button" quite fitting. It illustrates the occurrence of remarkable ideas that emerge within us. Throughout the day, as you observe individuals around you, I am confident that numerous thoughts pop into your mind rapidly, akin to the speed of ping pong balls. However, upon having these ideas, what do you tend to do? You hit the snooze button metaphorically. Consider the first decision you made this morning. I wager that it involved returning to bed. "Yes, the initial choice of the day is to go back to sleep. Out of the approximately four hundred trillion people in the world, that's my decision." I understand the inclination entirely. Your bed offers a comforting, cozy, and warm retreat. If you are fortunate, you may have a loved one by your side. In my case, I have the company of my spouse, two children, and perhaps the dog. The reason I am emphasizing this initial decision you made today and the inner snooze alarm is that in any aspect of life where you desire change, one crucial fact must be acknowledged. That is, you will never feel like taking action. Not at all. No external force will motivate you, and the feeling of readiness will never arise. Scientists refer to this as activation energy, which denotes the force required to shift from the autopilot mode and embark on something new. Allow me to propose an experiment for tomorrow. Despite considering yourself sophisticated, as evidenced by your attendance at TED, try this: set your alarm clock thirty minutes earlier in the morning. Upon hearing the alarm, promptly cast aside the bed sheets, rise to your feet, and commence your day. Refrain from hitting the snooze button, delaying, or entertaining thoughts such as, "I will remain here for just five seconds until Mel arrives." Simply do it.
The rationale behind my request is that you will confront the tangible, and I emphasize, physical effort required to alter your behavior. Can you imagine someone who needs to shed weight ever experiencing the desire to embark on a restrictive diet? Certainly not! Do you believe they ever feel inclined to consume boiled chicken and peas instead of a croissant? I highly doubt it! The initial energy required to remove yourself from your seat, depart from your computer, and step outside your front door for that promised walk is equivalent to the force it takes to extract yourself from a cozy bed and enter a chilly room. An intriguing aspect of adulthood is that upon reaching the age of eighteen, no one informs you that it is now your responsibility to assume a parental role towards yourself. By "parent yourself," I mean it is incumbent upon you to compel yourself to engage in activities you find undesirable, all in order to fulfill your potential. However, you are excessively preoccupied with waiting until you feel like doing them. I must emphasize that such feelings will never materialize. My son consistently exhibits a lack of motivation to discontinue his engagement with his handheld gaming device, commonly referred to as the DS. However, it is my responsibility to ensure that he ceases his activity on said device. Kendall, please attend to the task of tidying up the Barbie dolls. If you insist on utilizing my bathroom as a venue for a gathering involving individuals in a state of undress, I implore you to at least clean up after yourselves. It would be appreciated if you could refrain from chewing with your mouth open. We are not residing in a barn, and such behavior is unbecoming. Very well, the time for dinner approaches; kindly vacate the pantry area. As parents, it is our duty, given that you were once a child yourself, to require you to perform tasks that may not align with your immediate desires. It is a reality that you will encounter throughout your life—persistently facing obligations that you may find unappealing. Even when you attain proficiency in one area, it is inevitable that you will discover another obligation that does not elicit your enthusiasm. Consequently, you may reach a point of stagnation and tedium, leading you to utter sentiments such as "I detest this job; it is mundane." However, it is crucial to question whether you would actively seek out an alternative employment opportunity. Regrettably, the answer seems to be in the negative, as you are more likely to vocalize grievances without taking decisive action.
Attaining one's desires may appear deceptively straightforward; however, it is far from effortless. It necessitates a deliberate exertion of willpower. By "force," I am alluding to the concept discussed earlier by Roz regarding emotion tracking, where she presented an illustration depicting the two hemispheres of the brain. I view the brain in a similar manner, perceiving one side as an autopilot and the other as an emergency brake. These represent the sole operational modes: autopilot and emergency brake. Unsurprisingly, the brain tends to favor the autopilot mode. You may have encountered instances where you commuted to work, only to arrive and realize that you have no recollection of the journey. This occurrence does not indicate intoxication; rather, it signifies your brain functioning solely in autopilot mode, functioning on a minimal level. The issue lies in the fact that whenever you deviate from your regular routine, the brain instinctively activates the emergency brake, impeding progress. This response applies to any situation, without exception. For instance, upon entering the kitchen and discovering that everyone has left their breakfast dishes for you to handle, you contemplate the idea of taking a stand and leaving the responsibility to them. However, this deviation from your usual routine triggers the emergency brake mechanism in your mind. Consequently, you seamlessly revert to autopilot, deciding to clean the dishes, harbor resentment, and abstain from intimacy. Therefore, when I employ the term "force," I am referring to the necessity of employing willpower to overcome any disruption to your established routine. When contemplating the trajectory of one's life, it elicits a certain sense of amusement, for we traverse the stages of childhood to adulthood, investing considerable efforts in establishing a semblance of stability within our daily existence. Paradoxically, this relentless pursuit eventually yields weariness. Each morning, one awakens at an identical hour, partakes in a largely unvarying breakfast, commutes to work following the same route, assumes a facade of industry while evading phone calls, engages in Facebook updates, participates in meetings while aimlessly doodling, resumes social media activity, formulates plans for the evening, perseveres in feigning productivity, journeys homeward along the familiar path, consumes a predominantly repetitive dinner or its assorted iterations, indulges in similar forms of media, and subsequently retires for the night, only to repeat the entire process ad infinitum. It is scarcely surprising, then, that ennui pervades one's consciousness, as this ceaseless routine gradually drains the vitality from within.
I have developed a theory regarding the reasons why individuals encounter stagnation in their lives. Many of you are likely familiar with Abraham Maslow's "Hierarchy of Needs," which is typically covered in the Basic Psychology 101 course. It is fascinating how our bodies function in relation to these fundamental needs. The human body is intricately designed to communicate signals to us. For instance, when we require nourishment, we experience a sensation related to hunger. Similarly, our bodies indicate the need for water through thirst, and the need for sexual fulfillment through various sensations. I would like to express my gratitude for your attention thus far. I believe that when individuals feel stuck or dissatisfied with their lives, it serves as a signal. This signal should not be interpreted as an indication that one's life is irreparably flawed. Rather, it signifies that one or more of their most basic needs are not being adequately met. The necessity for exploration is among these needs. Much like every aspect of our lives and bodies, which continue to grow and develop, our souls require exploration and growth. To fulfill this need, one must deliberately venture beyond their comfort zone and detach themselves from their internal preoccupations. Once again, I extend my gratitude. It is crucial to emphasize that dwelling solely within one's thoughts can prove detrimental. In doing so, individuals find themselves in a precarious situation, similar to being behind enemy lines. It is important to note that these thoughts are not representative of divine intervention. If we were to publicly broadcast our self-dialogue, we would likely warrant institutionalization. We would not willingly associate with individuals who speak to us in the same critical manner that we often employ towards ourselves. Hence, it is imperative to break free from the confines of our own minds. Our emotions, in particular, have a tendency to hinder us. Consequently, regardless of our emotional state, it is crucial to focus on our aspirations and desires. Allowing our feelings to dictate our actions will only impede our progress, as we will rarely experience an emotional inclination towards pursuing what we truly want. Instead, we must push ourselves outside our comfort zones. It is not merely about taking risks but rather about expanding the boundaries of our personal comfort. The initial three seconds following the act of rising from one's bed can be quite arduous. However, once one has successfully overcome this initial hurdle, the subsequent experience proves to be quite enjoyable. Similarly, when situated within a stadium setting and presented with the invitation to partake in a dance, one may entertain the idea momentarily, contemplating whether it would be appropriate to join in. Yet, despite this internal inclination, one often fails to summon the necessary activation energy to compel oneself into action, succumbing to a self-imposed resistance, whereby the desire to remain seated and refrain from joining the exuberant participants takes precedence. This disposition may arise from a personal preference against engaging in dance activities or a reluctance to be associated with the lively individuals in question. The series of events transpired as follows: I encountered Rachel coincidentally and engaged in a conversation that eventually led to an unexpected development - she commenced tweeting. Subsequently, our interaction resulted in the establishment of a friendship. Remarkably, a fortuitous occurrence unfolded, symbolizing an exceedingly rare event with odds of one in four hundred trillion. It is imperative to venture into the external environment, for it is there that the enchantment truly manifests itself.
Therefore, all my actions can be summarized in this final part. I would like to introduce another technique that I refer to as the "five-second rule." It is worth noting that our minds possess the remarkable ability to process facial expressions in a mere 33 milliseconds, displaying an impressive speed of cognition. Additionally, the mind responds swiftly when faced with fleeting impulses. However, if one fails to act upon such impulses within a five-second timeframe, an immediate halt is triggered, akin to engaging the emergency brake, resulting in the termination of the corresponding idea. This termination is absolute and final! For instance, imagine you have the sudden impulse to stand up and join the band in dancing, yet fail to act upon it within the designated five seconds. In such a scenario, the emergency brake is pulled, and the idea is effectively nullified. Similarly, if you find yourself inspired by someone's speech today and fail to take any physical action, such as jotting down a note or sending yourself a text message, within the five-second window, the emergency brake is again engaged, leading to the idea's demise. It is crucial to acknowledge that the issue at hand is not a lack of ideas but rather a failure to act upon them. Regrettably, it is not my responsibility, nor anyone else's, but your own actions that perpetuate this destructive pattern. I implore you to put an end to it! I have faith in your capabilities, and you possess a unique role to fulfill among the estimated population of 400 trillion individuals. You have important tasks awaiting your attention! And it is unlikely to occur solely within your thoughts. Therefore, I urge you to practice the following today. As we prepare to engage in celebratory activities, for which we are grateful that its arrival is imminent, as I believe we all could benefit from a refreshing beverage, I request that you exercise the principle known as the "five-second-rule." Should you come across an individual who captivates your interest, I implore you to approach them! Should you find yourself inspired by someone and possess a desire or request, I encourage you to express it! After all, that is the very reason for your presence here. Engage in experimentation with this approach, and I am confident that you will be astonished by the outcomes it yields. Additionally, I wish to emphasize that everything I undertake, whether it be the radio show, television program, book authorship, or column writing, is done with your benefit in mind. If there is anything within my capability that can compel you to undertake tasks you may not initially desire, so that you may achieve your aspirations, I am willing to act upon it. However, it is essential that you take the initiative to approach others, articulate your thoughts, and make your requests known. Do you comprehend? Excellent. Proceed to act upon these instructions. Thank you! Yes, thank you indeed! I implore you to rise to your feet!
See also: https://mygodsentangels.com/