Please take a moment to reflect on the time when you transitioned from a childlike state to adulthood, losing your innocence and being faced with the challenges that come with maturity. Kindly close your eyes as you do so. On that particular day, you became cognizant, in your heart, for the very first time, that you were entirely alone and that you could not truly rely on anyone but yourself. How did that make you feel? In the blink of an eye, your reality shifted, and your trajectory was determined. From that moment onwards, you resolved to dedicate your efforts towards demonstrating your merit and validating your existence. You would have retreated into seclusion and fashioned a suit of armor for the purpose of self-preservation. You began to engage in negative self-talk, engaging in self-deprecation and potentially even asserting their own insignificance. If any of the content resonates with you, please do not hesitate to open your eyes if you have not already done so.
Allow me to recount how my personal journey began. I am fortunate to have four older sisters, each of whom is exquisitely beautiful. Being of Indian descent, my family and extended relatives have a proclivity for large families. With each successive pregnancy, there was a fervent desire for a male offspring. However, to everyone's astonishment, my parents decided to have a fifth child, who, unsurprisingly, turned out to be a daughter, me. It has come to my attention that my parents were less than pleased with my arrival. This sentiment was conveyed to me in explicit and repetitive terms, likely before I was capable of comprehending it. By the time my younger brother was born two years later, it had certainly been made clear to me that I did not meet their expectations. In reality, they were lamenting when I was born. If any of you have ever witnessed a Bollywood film, you would be aware of the intense crying that I am referring to, commonly known as the "big wail". Given my upbringing, I developed a strong belief that I was inferior regardless of external feedback. This belief persisted throughout my formative years. As a well-behaved individual, I excelled in various domains such as academics, athletics, and community service. I earned outstanding grades, participated actively in sports, and contributed positively to the community. My accomplishments were recognized by my teachers, who expressed pride in my achievements. Additionally, my noteworthy accomplishments were featured multiple times in the local newspapers of Nanaimo. However, it seemed as if I had been leading two distinct lives - one confined to the mental prison I had created for myself at home, and the other as an escape at school. Despite being a well-behaved individual, I discovered that I would fabricate tales about my domestic life to share with my peers at school. This behavior arose from my reluctance to disclose that I may not have been regarded as esteemed within the confines of my home. Consequently, I attempted to compensate for my low self-esteem by striving to excel academically or otherwise. However, I must stress that evading one's self-image is akin to an effort to outpace one's shadow, which is ultimately futile. And what about yourself? Do you ever feel compelled to feign or conceal your true feelings about yourself, like I did? Have you ever attempted to evade or escape from your own self-image?
In my opinion, the self-image constitutes a significant indicator of the caliber of an individual's internal state. In essence, it encompasses not only how one perceives oneself upon gazing into a mirror but also, and perhaps more crucially, the manner in which one engages in internal dialogue when alone with one's thoughts. A robust self-concept serves as the foundation for one's ability to maintain command over their life. It functions as a mediator that selectively processes and interprets the information gathered by the five senses. By default, this self-concept assumes a leading role, as a governing force is necessary to regulate and steer the course of one's life. According to therapists, it has been observed that the majority of individuals in the midlife phase continue to grapple with unresolved problems that they had encountered prior to the age of ten. The commonly used phrase, "the dreaded inner child," is often perceived to resurface as a source of adult crises. Upon observing our surroundings, it appears that we are compelled to repeatedly demonstrate our abilities due to our diminished sense of self-worth.
The current prevalence of family breakdown is a widespread phenomenon that demands attention. This is due, in part, to our societal inclination to pursue material possessions such as more money, larger houses, faster cars, and a perfect physique. Moreover, our desire for perfection extends to our children as well, and we expect them to embody the ideal image we have constructed for them. Regrettably, this external focus is causing a negative impact on our children's self-image, as we are encouraging them to prioritize external validation and recognition, just like us. We often expect them to bring home trophies and accolades to make us proud, without taking into consideration their own aspirations and goals. How do you suppose they are coping? It is possible that they are not managing well. Deliberate self-harm, also known as self-mutilation, is experiencing an alarming increase, which some experts deem epidemic. This trend is starting as early as middle school. As is well-known, children tend to emulate the behavior patterns of their parents. However, contemporary parents are undergoing diverse types of challenges than those of previous generations. Consequently, they often resort to numbing their emotions with addictive substances or behaviors, and this conduct is being replicated by their offspring.
In contemporary times, medicine cabinets are typically abundantly supplied with authorized medications, or alternatively referred to as pharmaceuticals by some individuals. A survey commissioned by the American Psychology Association, titled "Stress in America 2013," revealed that 35% of teenagers reported experiencing stress that prevented them from falling asleep at night within the past month. Furthermore, 67% of teenagers surveyed reported missing meals due to a lack of appetite, and 25% stated that they did not have sufficient time to eat. The prevalence of this phenomenon begs the question of whether we, as a society, have become conditioned to accept such behaviors in our children. Nevertheless, the self-help industry continues to grow, suggesting that we are aware of the detrimental effects of such practices. We are endeavoring to improve ourselves and our approach to parenting, with a heightened focus in this area. As evidenced by the plethora of available literature on the subject, with well over one hundred thousand parenting books currently listed on Amazon.com alone. However, concurrently, the emotional well-being of our children still appears to be declining. Do you concur that we may be overlooking the fundamental reason for this sense of hopelessness? Perhaps there exists an alternative approach that can assist our offspring in navigating the tumultuous circumstances of life, which does not result in their succumbing to negative statistics or, conversely, being labeled as entitled due to our disempowerment. It is plausible that such a strategy could empower them to generate genuine value, effect meaningful transformation, and make a genuine impact.
I had the pleasure of meeting Kevin when I was invited to instruct his fourth-grade class on the subject of self-image. Kevin relocated to a different school due to the torment he experienced at his previous institution. Despite the transfer, Kevin has expressed that he continues to bear the emotional burden and enduring impact of the disparaging remarks directed at him. When instructing minors on the topic of self-perception, I initiated a discourse regarding the functioning of their cerebral faculties. During this exchange, I presented a query to prompt the child to contemplate whether their present self-definition aligned with their desired self-image. It is noteworthy to mention that the response provided by the child was obviously in the negative. However, before attending the self-image class, Kevin had not previously contemplated the possibility that the individual displaying bullying behavior might have been suffering from a deficient self-image. It is plausible that the bully was externalizing the emotions of futility and weakness that he felt internally. Additionally, Kevin had not previously considered that the bully's actions might have been a result of a lack of emotional nourishment in their home environment. Emotional nourishment plays a crucial role in enabling individuals to establish fundamental connections with others. If a child is not receiving connection and significance at home, the child will inevitably seek it elsewhere. These fundamental needs are crucial for healthy development and must be met in various ways. Upon adopting a novel viewpoint, Kevin's locus of personal agency underwent a transformation, and he came to the realization that he need not acquiesce to the verbal abuse of his oppressor. On a particular day while I was present in the class, Kevin's teacher made a request to the students to express their opinions regarding the lesson taught that day. At once, Kevin raised his hand and stated, "I feel like I have hope." It is entirely possible for individuals to restore their self-image as adults. There are numerous examples of individuals who have successfully accomplished this endeavor. As eloquently stated by Frederick Douglass though, it is comparatively effortless to nurture resilient children than to mend shattered individual adults. It is more feasible to cultivate resilient children than to restore adults who are damaged. Over the course of the last five years, I have been involved in the rehabilitation of grown individuals, some of whom were deemed beyond repair. Therefore, I can attest to the possibility of miracles occurring. Nonetheless, in numerous instances, a great deal of the suffering experienced by these adults could have been averted if they had been taught to nurture their self-image during childhood.
I am acquainted with another individual named Megan, who is 11 years old. Megan holds the responsibility of safeguarding confidential information concerning her family. She has observed her father grappling with alcoholism, and her mother struggling to maintain stability within the household. Despite her own internal struggles, Megan refrains from sharing them with her mother, so as not to impose any further burden upon her. In essence, Megan embodies the inherent conflict between her parents. I will abstain from soliciting a show of hands, but I possess the impression that a significant proportion of the individuals present today can empathize with the aforementioned statement. However, Megan has a caring mother who discerned the subtle alterations in her daughter's demeanor. Subsequently, she contacted me and requested my assistance. Through coaching, Megan acquired the necessary tools to redefine her self-image. When instructing children on topics such as self-image, which I consider to be of utmost importance, I rely on language and analogies that are relatable to them, given that the concept itself can be rather abstract to convey. As an illustration, I shall describe the concept of self-image as being akin to that of a trampoline. Consider, if you will, the act of jumping on a trampoline. The rebound is an inevitable result of such an action. Analogously, we ought to adopt a similar approach towards individuals who encroach upon our boundaries. It is imperative that we assert our right to our own personal space and not take ownership of problems that do not belong to us. This holds true even in cases where the person violating our boundaries is a parent or guardian. Through the acquisition of these tools aimed at fortifying her self-image, Megan gained a greater degree of self-awareness, allowing her to view herself and the world around her with greater clarity. Recognizing that her peers were experiencing similar challenges, she sought permission to share the knowledge she had acquired with her entire class. This demonstration of courage was particularly noteworthy given that Megan had previously maintained a facade of perfection. In essence, the impact of the tools on Megan's personal growth was profound, and it is worth noting that she experienced her aha moment at the tender age of 11.
I would like to inquire as to the rationale behind intentionally damaging something, only to exert effort in mending it afterwards. Would it not be more prudent to invest in fostering resilient individuals at present? What justifications can we continue to employ to evade our responsibility of enabling our youth to thrive in their individual paths? Sufficient has been accomplished, and it is imperative that we initiate a transition at present. However, the question remains: how may we effectively execute this transition? I have a notion that we ought to unite and establish a community to nurture these children. It is widely acknowledged that many households, despite having affectionate parents, are unable to provide the necessary emotional care. These parents are struggling to manage their own lives and cannot adequately provide for their children's emotional needs. Therefore, we should extend a helping hand in whatever capacity possible. For instance, individuals such as educators, mentors, and coaches can be duly trained to instruct children in this methodology. However, as evidenced by the case of Megan and several other students whom I have instructed, it is unlikely that extensive teaching will be necessary. This is due to the fact that these students have assumed ownership of the methodology and are naturally inclined to share it. In a short span of time, these students will be at the forefront of disseminating this methodology, facilitating our self-help endeavors. Thus, when we convene, we have the potential to make a significant impact.
For the collective, what does this signify? A child possessing a robust self-image will make significant contributions, generate outputs, and engage in creative pursuits. An individual of this kind would not utilize their perceived limitations as reasons for their inability to engage. This type of person would enhance the foundation of our society, and more significantly, the foundation of our families, as they would possess superior relationship skills. Consider the concept of life. It is centered on the notion of connections - the capacity to both give and receive love. The standard of an individual's life is contingent on the caliber of their relationships. These relationships, in turn, are shaped by how one perceives themselves - their self-image. Had this knowledge been imparted at an early age, one might have chosen to paint their life story with different colors. Please take a moment to close your eyes and envision a scenario where you had learned during your childhood that the negligence or physical abuse that you endured were not indicative of your self-worth. Consider if you were able to reassure yourself by affirming, "I am capable of overcoming this." Now, picture yourself extending a helping hand to a child who is in a similar situation to what you once experienced. By nurturing and empowering such children, you are contributing to the creation of strong individuals who may have noteworthy contributions to society in the future. Thank you for your efforts in saving the future this way.
See also: https://mygodsentangels.com/