Welcome to Reno, Nevada – the biggest little city! I'm so thrilled to be here. Let's take a look around and see what there is to discover. When they asked me to do a TEDx Talk, I was ecstatic – wanting to share something important and meaningful. But then they said something unexpected: "No, no, no. Just say your jokes." Well that's different! I then thought to myself, "Yeah, sure - I'll do that as well!" For around 12 years now, I have been a stand-up comedian and have a knack for cracking jokes. When I first began, I was young and new to the game. However, as time passes and my experience increases, people may not think so anymore - but hey, I still feel young! Thank you very much. As I'm getting older, there's one sure sign: I'm having inexplicable back pains. This is how you know you're aging! I don't have any remarkable stories to share – nothing grand like "Last week, I was skiing and going hard! Nah, all I did was put my socks on... and yeah, I went hard anyway." Firstly, it's important to prioritize your health as you age. This includes maintaining a healthy diet, staying physically active, and attending regular check-ups with your healthcare provider. If you have any chronic health conditions, make sure to manage them properly to minimize their impact on your overall health and quality of life. Another important aspect of aging gracefully is staying mentally and socially engaged. Keep your mind active by learning new things, engaging in hobbies, and socializing with friends and family. Loneliness and isolation can be detrimental to your mental and physical health, so it's essential to stay connected with your loved ones and your community. Finally, it's important to accept that aging is a natural process and to embrace the changes that come with it. This includes adjusting your expectations and priorities, finding joy in the small things, and practicing gratitude for the experiences and memories you have accumulated over the years. Remember, getting older may bring challenges, but it also brings opportunities for growth, reflection, and new experiences. Embrace the journey and enjoy the ride!
I decided to get myself a massage after hurting my back, and here's something amazing that you won't believe- I encountered something unusual during the session! Seriously, I'm not making this up for a joke. I had gone in for a massage, but unfortunately the masseuse dozed off while I was being attended to! I was perplexed as well, when I learnt that this seemingly impossible option was indeed available. Wondering how it could be so? Think no more, because I'm here to let you know! Apparently, my skill in reverse relaxation is quite remarkable. It started off weird, so I should have known that it was going to be an odd experience. Despite this, I failed to recognize the signs and let myself be surprised when it got even stranger. He began our conversation with questions that resembled those used in a séance. "Alright," he said, "shut your eyes, inhale deeply. Now tell me where you are." "I'm at Massage Envy," came the reply. "And what are you?" he asked again. I answered hesitantly, "I guess I'm a girl? But I don't like this part of the massage." Fifteen minutes into the massage and he's already started to rub my feet. Slowly, his movements become slower until it seems as though he has stopped completely. Almost like he is just holding my foot in place. That's when I ask myself – "Didn't this massage start with him rubbing my feet? At first, I thought he was doing his séance thing again, and my initial reaction was "Oh, okay," since I assumed he was meditating to get rid of the pain in my foot. His breathing suddenly got deep and slow, almost like he was asleep. But then he startled himself awake, resuming his massage with renewed focus.
With a small sheet covering you, when you lay there exposed, it is difficult to feel comfortable in the situation if it is your first massage. Understandably so, as being vulnerable is part and parcel of getting a massage that many are unfamiliar with. Anytime you're in a vulnerable situation with a stranger, like getting a massage while naked, it can be quite awkward – unless, of course, you're the creepy guy at the gym who's ok with it. If you experience a massage therapist with bad breath, what should you do? It's not an ideal situation, but it does happen; it happened to me, so of course I should know. He's lying over you and his bad breath is filling the air. Trying to relax, you breathe through your mouth; but that means breathing in his breath, too. Now you have to carefully coordinate your breathing with his so as not to inhale any of it. I requested an aromatherapy massage, however I wasn't aware that I needed to specify my request further. Furthermore, there are a variety of types of bad breath which can be alleviated with this particular treatment. Ah, coffee breath - that's identifiable. It's the working man's breath and it can be respected. Similarly, you can tell when someone has just had lunch too - maybe they had onions, which can be less than pleasant! But at least it is something that is identifiable. The kind of breath that can signal someone is dying on the inside cannot be helped with gum because no matter how much it is put in their mouth, their breath will still come out of their nose and be detected. Speaking up during a massage can be awkward, but it should not be avoided if necessary. "I'm sorry, but could you not leave bruises?" When the massage is too hard. And "I could have my husband do this at home" when the massage is too soft and it's more like a tickle massage. "I'm sorry, could you please give it another try?" I'm feeling embarrassingly awkward as I would have to have asked: "Would you mind not falling asleep?"
That massage was the strangest one I've ever experienced. After it, I didn't know what to do; so, I quickly picked up my cucumber water and left as fast as possible. Though my back was still causing me discomfort, I knew there was a simple solution: I got a free massage at Brookstone. Acting as if they've never laid eyes on a massage chair before, everyone passes by Brookstone at one point or another; but don't be fooled, they all know just how incredibly relaxing those massage chairs are! "I'll give it a try! Sure, I'll sit down and push the green button. Wow, it massages - with really good pressure - and I like it a lot." The massage shifted abruptly to the shiatsu shimmy, a sudden change from the relaxing strokes that had been used previously. At first, you try to resist the shiatsu shimmy. Hoping nobody is looking, but eventually you give in and accept it cheerfully. The guys across the way at Gamestop were all watching, and one of them exclaimed, "Yeah, light them up, boys!". I however decided to stick to my husband's massages.
We have been married for an amazing seven years, and it's all thanks to my husband of course! We are so grateful for the time that has been shared and look forward to many more years together. In our home, our roles have been flipped and we are perfectly content with it. Our relationship is one where typically expected conventions are twisted in an unconventional way. Use what works in your relationship - that's the key! Do whatever it takes to make it the most successful and supportive; whatever works for you both. I bring home the bacon but my role is not set in stone; our roles fluctuate. I am solely responsible for providing financially, while I am not allowed to take on domestic tasks like cooking. The rest of us husbands have found a special spot outside the store while our wives go shopping; my husband enjoys the shopping experience quite a bit. People often think I'm a lesbian when they see my husband, who is both incredibly sexy and fashionable. It may be due to the fact that girls will occasionally flirt with him right in front of me, leading them to assume I'm his gay little buddy. My husband has an amazing afro and often, people will be intrigued and ask to feel it. However, my cheeky little mate typically replies quite bluntly with, "Oh you could feel my fist... hmm hmm hmm!" "Wow - he's feisty!" My husband always likes to select my outfit when we go out, as he wants me to look girly and presentable upon our arrival. My guy will be like, "So let's pick out your outfit- these favorite jeans of yours, this T-shirt and these stilettos; I almost had it!" My husband loves to see me in heels, which many women find sexy. However, I am unable to do this due to a physical condition - bowlegs. You see, my knees don't join together naturally; it's an effort even for me to try and make them appear as if they are touching. Right in the center of the front, you can see me here with my feet closed and a stool behind me. When I wear heels, it looks like I have ridden my horse to the club – aee, aee, aeeaeeaeeaee! If I want to do something daring and bold in heels, like walking, I need to make sure to slightly bend my knees – similar to how a camel does when getting ready for rest. It's definitely not a sexy look! It's a strange experience living in Hollywood - filled with rumors and gossip - because of the fast-paced nature of the industry here. Wooh! I heard the rumor that Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and I were dating. When I heard it, I was like "Wooh, okay! Hey Mr. Rock, what do you have to say about that?"
I initiated this project of mine, yet it didn't gain the expected attention. When I announced it on Twitter, two people wrote "No way!", and one person, who happened to be my husband replied with a humorous comment - "You wish!" I became somewhat renowned on YouTube for a joke I made about having my nails done. People have heard of me because of this joke; it is how I got on the map. The blessing that it has given me is beyond measure, as many people come to my shows specifically for this one joke. Having resonated with so many people, I got to experience the joy of having their hard-earned money coming in to watch their performance live; something not every comedian could live unless they dream it. It is indeed a privilege to have something that has allowed someone to succeed in such great heights. I am truly thankful that I have the opportunity to use my humor and make others laugh as a profession. I'm incredibly thankful for the chance to be the source of medicine, through laughter. It's a gift that I don't take for granted. I will keep telling this joke as long as it brings people joy, for that is my aim. With that in mind, I can now provide you with the joke. Do any of the ladies in here get their nails done? All right!
My sister and I make a regular trip to Beautiful Nail, where our nails are ever so elegantly beautified. Customer service at these ladies' place is really great! No matter what you need, they'll do it for you - be it a full set nail polish job for a reasonable price of only sixteen dollars. It's like being the center of attention and being taken care of. "Hi, honey. What do you need today? A manicure perhaps?" "Yes, please," I reply. "Do you need a pedicure as well?" "No, thank you," I decline. "A manicure is all I need." "It's better for you so I'll go ahead and get you a pedicure too, honey. Sit down in number six, Mỹ Linh will do it for you--good job! It'll just be an extra 20 dollars, so that's okay. Sit down and enjoy your pedicure!" "Why don't you have a boyfriend, honey?" Mỹ Linh (also known as Tammy), who was doing my nails right away, asked me. "The first time you walked in here, I thought you were some kind of model or cheerleader - something really pretty!" she continued. I understand why you'd prefer short nails, and I am more than happy to do them for you. It'll only cost four dollars extra, so it's a great deal! "Do you prefer to have your nails without gel?" "Do you like the idea of having no gel on your nails? It can make you sparkle like a diamond in the sky - surely one of the best options out there!" "Don't worry, honey, the crunchy stuff (or crico) is better for you and only six dollar more. That's okay - it's better for me too!" Tammy suggested, "Why don't you go and wash your hands, and I'll clean up here." But then Tammy noticed that my finger wasn't doing what I expected it to do before I came in here, so I asked: "Hold on, is this one a little crooked? See that?" To which you replied: "No honey, that's your finger. Do like this." "Don't worry, honey, it's okay. I'll make sure to fix it for you. You just look so beautiful!" I really appreciate you having me here and I would like to thank all of you. Blessings to all. Anjelah Johnson signing off.
See also: https://mygodsentangels.com/