When I became sixteen years of age, my parents were requiring me to find a summer job. Delaying the task of getting a summer job, I eventually reached the point where it was so late into the summer that all of the potential employers had already filled their positions with enthusiastic teenagers leaving me with no employment opportunity. My mom didn't need to worry about it though; she had an in since her friend's son worked at the grocery store down the street. High school was the place I attended with this individual, but unfortunately, we were not acquainted. We had never interacted and I am certain he was oblivious to who I was - my name remained a mystery. Still, my mom suggested applying for the job like this, "Hi, my name is Melissa Dahl and I am here for the job. I was recommended by Matt Ramirez who is a family friend of mine." The prospect of trying the task was okay, however, I made sure to change his name because this was going to be an embarrassing moment for one of us. And so, as advised by my mom I went to the grocery store to apply for a job. There I found the hiring manager, who was helping a teenage bag boy, and gave him my application along with mentioning that Matt Ramirez had recommended me for this position- he being a close family friend. The manager, upon seeing me and my bag boy, asked if I meant Matt Ramirez. He gave us both a curious glance before he spoke. My close and personal family friend was standing right next to me, however I had completely failed to notice them regardless. I totally blocked out what happened next due to feeling embarrassed and scared, but the shame of recalling it here in front of you is causing those same feelings all over again. I often feel embarrassed; however, I'm not sure if my experiences are any more embarrassing than anyone else's. What do you think about this though? I may be more aware of this feeling than most people because I'm slightly anxious around social situations. Nevertheless, I do feel overly sensitive to what others might think or how they perceive me. Some of you might be familiar with the concept of multitasking: juggling multiple tasks and responsibilities at once. Being able to manage several activities simultaneously can be a beneficial skill, as it helps us better allocate resources and complete our objectives in a timely manner. As many as 12 percent of Americans may experience social anxiety disorder at some point throughout their lives, according to statistics. I possess the statistic I'm discussing off the top of my head due to having been a journalist specializing in psychological science for a full decade now.
My first book was about awkwardness, something I am quite familiar with. A couple years ago, I decided to embark on this project and encourage people to write what they know; I would still be following my own advice in this endeavor, of course. My initial goal in writing the book was to create a "shield" using science that would protect me from the emotions I despise so much. It was initially thought that something else occurred, but in the end, it turned out to be otherwise. In the end, my opinion had shifted dramatically; these emotions were now seen in an entirely different light, all thanks to yours truly no less. I'm referring to certain emotions that involve self-awareness, such as: Shame, Embarrassment and my favorite - Awkwardness. We all naturally resist our unpleasant and uncomfortable feelings; however, we know them too well to reject them in the end. We could still explore the possibility of not resisting, but what would happen exactly if we chose to go down that path? Giving them some space could be beneficial. It might provide an opportunity to reflect on the situation from a different perspective, helping to identify solutions that otherwise may have been missed. Additionally, it might allow for more clarity when examining their options and help build confidence and courage when making important decisions. They are trying to say that by investing time and effort in a task, the chances of achieving success are higher. Investing time and effort will lead to better results, so it's worthwhile putting in the work, even if it is just to understanding something rather unfamiliar. Questions on embarrassment and social anxiety are prompting us to ask ourselves some important inquiries, believing that the answers we get have the power to shape our future. Who am I? How do others see me, and who do I want to be? These are questions I am asking myself constantly.
At a very young age, we start to care about these sorts of questions: what am I in the "mirror self recognition test"? According to some interpretations of this test, it can give us an insight into our early development. If you'd like to, you could replicate this experiment yourself quite easily. All it takes is a few simple steps to get started. A mirror, a baby, and a post-it note are all that you require. Take a little post-it note and without letting the baby know, place it on top of their head - that's what you do! The baby can experience an exciting time by placing them in front of a mirror. It is easy to do; just plop the infant right in front of the reflection and watch their reactions! If the baby is much younger than 18 months, all the trouble one might have gone to in order to conduct the mentioned experiments may be ignored, as it is according to this body of work. Around two years old, babies start to recognize themselves in the mirror and their unique behavior is something special: they will smile and point at their reflection while putting their hands on top of their own head, as if they had just shared a funny joke! On the other hand though, the reflection of the baby may also be a source of distress, as they may duck their heads or even cry and take off the Post-it. Signs of this may include hiding from their reflection or crying.
Developmental psychologists may view early signs of self-consciousness in this situation: some evidence indicates that infants are already able to reflect on and comprehend their own actions. Self-consciousness is the recognition of ourselves as distinct and separate individuals, with our own thoughts, feelings, and experiences that differ from those of others. It is an awareness of our own identity and how we are perceived by other people – both in terms of who we are to them and how others view us. Using the baby as an example, we're implying that even at an otherwise young age, people inherently have a sense of self-image. When people have an image of themselves that doesn't match reality, it can be very upsetting. This is because they have an idea of how they look in their own mind and what others see could be different. Self-consciousness is a feeling that evolves and changes over time. As we age, it can manifest in various ways, influencing our self-image and outlook on life. In early childhood and adolescence, self-consciousness is often characterized by comparing ourselves to our peers - trying to measure up and fit in. It's when the "you" you have in our own mind does not align with the "you" seen by the rest of the world; what we sense is a dissonance between our first person and third person perspective. Your best intentions may not always be perceived as intended, which can be both a frustrating experience and yet the best example of self-conscious moments.
This appears to be a common occurrence as evidenced by numerous examples found in the psychological literature. Often, we may feel that our words or message do not appear to have the impact we intended, and the reason behind this may be because our communication is not resonating with the audience of listeners in the way we intended it to. It is unsettling to see all of the evidence piling up; it leaves no room for doubt, let alone open minds. Research suggests that the way we hear our own voices is different from how other people hear them. Studies have suggested that while we may perceive our personalities one way, other people may not necessarily see it that way. It appears that our self-perception of our personality traits may not always align with how others view them. Seeing ourselves the same way strangers do is something surprising, especially when you see a photo of yourself taken from the back. It can often be a letdown to realize how your hair actually looks. Studies suggest that this disconnect between how we view ourselves and what strangers think of us might truly exist. Even if you're not as hard on yourself as I am, this collision of selves is still taking place. All the little things I listed - not wanting to be seen, getting by with the bare minimum, and feeling uncomfortable with myself - they all come together to create this clash of selves. You're constantly making yourself uncomfortable without even realizing it. Embarrassment is a feeling you experience regularly, yet you don't seem to be aware of it. I wish that people would be more observant and take notice of what is going on within themselves. I wish that we could open up our hearts and allow ourselves to really take in this sentiment, even if just for a short time. We should be often presented with the opportunity to view ourselves from a third-person perspective; how many chances do we already get to do this? We should get as many chances as we need to break out of our own point of view and see ourselves from another perspective. If indeed it is true that self-consciousness is a sign of not meeting one's own standards, then maybe this thought can be used as a stimulus to address and change these areas and thus break through the boundaries we had set for ourselves.
It's still possible to get too bogged down in self-conscious feelings and end up right back where we started – feeling anxious in social situations. Therefore, I don't want to go too far in this direction. People with social anxiety often feel inadequate and consequently struggle to live life to its fullest. This is due to their fixation on how others may perceive them. Some clinical psychologists have discovered a technique that can help those with social anxiety; I should know since it has helped me, too. This is an effective way to bypass the difficulty they experience in social situations. This concept of taking a "middle path" is often discussed as an approach to finding balance in various circumstances. This can be a helpful way of addressing situations which may not have obvious right or wrong answers, as it provides a course of action that takes some elements of both aspects into consideration. It's possible to take the positives from this experience and let go of the rest. It is possible to make the best of this feeling, taking the good elements and disregarding what doesn't serve us. Laughing at yourself is really quite a straightforward solution for social anxiety - it's all about simply enjoying the humor in your own mistakes and experiences. Clinical psychologists focus on helping those with social anxiety. To do this, they often ask their patients to think of the most awkward or embarrassing situation they can imagine and then challenge them to put themselves in that same position in a public place. Under this treatment, people have done remarkable things. For instance, they have gone into bookstores, inquiring of a bookseller if they carry any books about farting - revealing the extent to which this treatment has impacted them. Also, cashiers may be asked, "Excuse me, do you have the smallest size of condoms available here?" when someone visits a convenience store.
The goal is not to frighten these people, but rather to inform them and help them understand the reality of their situation. Don’t be so hard on yourself – lighten up! Taking life a bit less seriously can help provide balance, and ultimately help you live a more fulfilled life. Laughter has a almost magical quality that works like a charm in diffusing shame and rendering it more manageable. It takes the feeling of being overwhelmed by negative emotions, and softens it, making it less toxic. For instance, teasing a friend means that there is fondness and comfort. It shows that the person is appreciated for who they are and liked even though jokes may be made about them. Embarrassment and self-consciousness can be transformed into joy with the right approach - if you follow the thread. With this mindset, these two feelings no longer have to be seen as negatives, but rather something to be embraced and celebrated. It just goes to show you, we all have a shared, silly characteristic: absurdity and ridiculousness. They remind us of our mutual human foolishness. This reminder of the humorous side of life helps us to connect with each other, regardless of our differences.
A lot of people wanted to know the same thing: How can they stop cringing at their past selves? As I worked on my book, this was a frequent inquiry I got from my audience. My fellow writers, in particular, often want to know how they can go back and read their older work without feeling uncomfortable at its lack of finesse. I hope that your self-awareness and embarrassment never cease, even though I know that my own answer to the question isn't what anyone is looking for. Embarrassment is sometimes an appropriate response; this might arise when there has been a mistake or a lack of consideration for the feelings of others. Finding unexpected moments of joy in life can be best achieved by embracing the concept of savoring. This involves taking time to fully appreciate and enjoy all the simple, pleasurable moments in life that often go unnoticed. It's amazing to take a step back and reflect on the progress you've made. Using this method as a way of allowing yourself success is the best approach – it helps you to be humble and feel proud of your accomplishments. Thank you for embarrassing and embracing yourself at the same time!
See also: https://mygodsentangels.com/