Letting go can make us feel an absolute sense of freedom and empowerment. I know that this first-hand because I decided to sever ties with a certain relationship and reclaim my life. This act of releasing led me to notice that letting go has the noteworthy potential to usher in new, positive changes into our lives. At 41, I discovered the remarkable power of forgiveness and liberation through the end of a relationship. Understandably, it was a difficult and heartbreaking time yet I came to understand how essential releasing what no longer serves us is. I lived my life in the Now, not really considering the Future. It was joyful - I chased tennis balls, ate whatever I found on the ground, and had great Career prospects, associates, an apartment, pets and a kind-of-great boyfriend. Life was Good, right? Hector had no investment or motivation to commit to marriage with me, reflected in our relationship over the past 12 years. While he teased at the notion of matrimony, we had yet to live together; though amid fleeting moments of belief and optimism, he continued to spark hope within me. Staying in what felt like a hopeless situation with Hector became "normal", as he was attractive, intelligent, dependable, and caring. Our connection had its flaws, yet it worked in theory - until an event showed me that I deserved more. A realization that would ultimately shake up everything.
My realtor friend phoned to let me know about a condo in my Chicago neighborhood being put on the market. She knew I wanted Hector to take a step forward, so felt this could be the encouragement he needed. "Not yet" was Hector's catchphrase and he always used it to answer questions regarding big life decisions. When I asked for marriage, he'd say, ''Not yet.'' To living together too – ''Not yet.'' "Not yet", an annoying hair stuck in my eye and a contagious tune stuck in my head, proved to be difficult to be shaken off. I was taken aback when Hector readily agreed to meet me at the condo at noon. I arrived beforehand, exhilarated and excited to see him, yet he was nowhere to be found. 12:15 arrived and with it no sign of Hector. Neither was he present at 12:30, 12:45 or 1 pm. Eventually, he called, informing us that something had arisen and consequently we rescheduled for three o'clock too but again, Hector wasn't there. At 41, my decision was unsettling but it had to be done after 12 years: I had to let go of Hector and the concept of potentially marrying him. It felt like a bittersweet moment, but it was time. I was at a crossroads: Should I stay with the man I was with, who showed his appreciation during major holidays and on my birthday, but couldn't commit emotionally; or should I break up and go it alone?
Letting go of a good man I had loved was one of the most difficult experiences I ever encountered. The realization that this was something that had to be done brought about a wave of painful emotions. Trying to cope with them and learning to move forward in life became an uphill battle that needed persistent effort from my side. You and Hector won't remain together forever; you are not meant to be his "person." Most likely, he'll soon meet someone new, get married, and make them his special someone. Consequently, you may have difficulty getting past the knowledge that you made a mistake. I let out an ugly cry, overindulged in pizza, and blasted Joni Mitchell's music. No amount of rubbing my eyes soothed the heartache of knowing Hector would soon tie the knot with someone else - more likely being several sizes smaller than me. I no longer fear growing old and spending the twilight phases of life alone, or how my peers will tell cautionary tales about me. All hope is not lost as I realize it is never too late to write my chapter in life. In that moment, I realized what I truly desired was something greater. Hector's absence appeared like a blessing, granting me my freedom; for the past dozen years, I had been compulsively following this cycle. It was time to take a chance, despite the potential for rejection. I knew I had to accept the risk and move on with my life.
I had a strategic vision to reach my goal, and as I acted upon it, the details of the plan became clearer. Hector had an excuse for his missing the engagement, yet its relevance had been overtaken by events. "It's all over," I told him. Then, I made the difficult choice of ending it all—quitting my job, giving my beloved colleagues a teary farewell hug, and finally selling off my chic condo which had brought about awe-inspiring moments and perspectives for me in the past. It was a difficult decision, but leaving to start anew in New Hope, Pennsylvania was absolutely worth it. When I informed my partner, he said "Don't go, we'll get married", to which I replied "You had twelve years". He mentioned that he would come visit and I told him "Not yet". Within a year of leaving, I knew Dan was "the one" the moment he showed up to our first date wearing nothing but a well-worn shirt, coupled with an unconventional hat meant to shield me from the rain. By fate's kindness, I had met my husband through an online forum. A rain hat with a string you can tie under your chin is truly a personal protection choice compared to umbrellas. The problem with the latter is that even if well-made, extremes in weather such as strong winds may make them become inside out or suffer from other issues with more regularity. We had to wait four dates before I understood why the universe had placed Dan in my life. He was a gorgeous, wise and genuinely caring person who made me feel unstoppable. Our love bloomed after these dates and, a year later, we were married.
When Hector passed away due to cancer at the same time I turned 50, I was overcome with deep grief and sorrow as one can anticipate. Losing him had a substantial impact on me and caused me great distress, continuing for a very lengthy spell. But when I lost Hector, it reaffirmed a promise I made to my 41-year-old self at the same time: to never be complacent with time ever again. I allowed myself to use the gift of release to open up opportunities for what I actually wanted in life, instead of clinging desperately on to the things that may not serve me best. By using this technique, I am able to prioritize my core values and pursue what is truly important. I struggled to accept why Hector had no intention of being in a committed relationship with me, until I found solace in the fact that his actions were not a reflection of me, but instead due to his sense of obligation towards his family. This helped me let go of taking it all so personally. My mother made a comment when she first saw my husband that wasn't exactly something to be excited about. "He's very good-looking, my mother said, "But you know, Ted Bundy is very good looking." I could have let this weigh on me or influence me negatively, but instead I let it go, even stand up to my mother about Dan. I have glimpsed the power of my "the Big" - an unpredictable outer personality which may seem imposing, yet attracts some people like a juggler during their performance and confounds others - and made the effortless judgement that no matter how hard I attempt to decrease my inner electricity, it will never leave my character. Many years ago, my advice reached out to a young lady through a Shape magazine column. She wrote how her heartbroken experience had made her feel inferior and vulnerable after her former boyfriend had criticized her body while she was undressed. I encouraged her with the necessary words to let go of the pressure to be perfect. "Dump him immediately," I said, "and never let anyone make you feel inferior again." There's more to feeling the desire for perfection than just weight. It's also about making sure the house is tidy, animals are in good condition, youngsters are healthy and ensuring a positive work environment despite juggling multiple tasks. When I left Chicago, things were not bad in my life, yet they were not quite right either. If you have something you want to accomplish, take action right away and act upon your plans rather than patiently waiting for them to come true. Let go of ''not yet'' and seize the opportunity before it passes! I still feel sorrow regarding Hector; it just descends and ascends randomly these days. Nevertheless, the simple act of not being able to make the loving phone call serves as a poignant reminder to cherished every moment life has blessed me with. I urge all of you to take the opportunity and seize it; whatever that may be - go for it. So I say, "Let go for it". My appreciation for your willingness is extended.
See also: https://mygodsentangels.com/