"We have to converse" is an unnerving phrase from your lover, never feeling positive. Your emotions rapidly fluctuate—heart racing, butterflies in the stomach, hands trembling— because it's anything but a discussion about how wonderful you two are together and fulfilling the promise of living happily ever after. The phrase "we need to talk about the beginning of the end" always has a certain ominous ring to it - no matter how your relationship is faring. Nobody likes dealing with endings and potential loss of something beloved or cherished. Especially if that thing had any sort of great importance or worth. Relationships are incredibly vital, exerting an invaluable influence on your life and emotional wellbeing. They ultimately provide a plethora of experiences - both positive and negative - making them irreplaceable reminders that should be treasured and cherished, as they enhance both current happiness as well as future memories. When reflecting on life at the age of 95 or 100, ultimately one won't think about material possessions such as a phone or better Internet usage. Instead, the main regret would be not spending more quality time with people we care about. Our relationships shape us; they bear burden in both positive and negative ways. Yes, breaking off a relationship is never easy. It can leave one feeling a roller coaster of emotions; sadness, anger and even immense stress. Going through a separation can be an incredibly difficult experience for anyone, often leading to feelings of hopelessness and confusion. But does it have to hurt you all the time?
Loneliness, depression, and substance use rates have gravely risen alongside increases in crime - often stemming from break-ups that can lead to the loss of self. When a relationship ends, we suffer too; because integral world parts stand to diminish that can no longer be supported by established connections with others. It's true that sometimes things can be bad, but it's often not as terrible as our internal narrative leads us to believe. We need to learn how to think smarter and recognize that challenging situations are frequent, and can be made manageable with patience, preparation and honest effort. The researchers at Carnegie Mellon and Northwestern asked people in happy relationships to look into their future and predict how they would feel should the relationship happen to end. The individuals surveyed were posed with a single question: “If your relationship were to end, how bad would you feel about it?” Those researchers waited for the doomed fate of those once happy relationships: to break up. They waited to observe why and how these relationships came to an end. Once the couple had broken up, only then did they ask each other "So, how bad is it now that you broke up?" People expected their break-up to be far worse than it actually turned out to be; the predictions they made varied greatly from their real experience. To their surprise, their break-up was, contrary to expectations, not devastating and awful in the end.
Show of hands: How many people here have gone through a break-up or divorce before? Now, if you did and made it out the other side, please keep your hands up! Thank you for being here. If you have held your hand up till now, it likely means that you have learned something about yourself or about having better relationships after the experience of a break-up or divorce. Is this correct? Perfect! Ralph Waldo Emerson believed that true greatness could be found not only in never faltering, but additionally in "rising up every time" we were unsuccessful. He encouraged us to redouble our efforts in the face of setbacks, affirming that doing so is our "greatest glory." No one is left without scars after experiencing the uncertainty of dating - break-ups, failed relationships, ache caused by the ending of a blissful and passionate relationship. From a state of happiness, hope and love, to slighted feelings and hurt - these are the intangible wounds seen in most post romantic dating journeys. It's heartbreakingly difficult when relationships don't work out; the confusion and disappointment make it particularly tough. We've all been in this position at some time, knowing the sadness of feeling alone. Nobody wants to endure that kind of experience. Breaking up in a relationship that isn't perfect can be like getting paroled from prison – life thankfully happens on a continuum of both good and bad things. Things don't always have to stay the same; there are definitely ways that the situation could be improved. Sometimes a break-up can be cause for celebration. It sets you liberated from toxic negativity--from the need to alter your self-image and behaviors because someone else objects to them. This liberation returns you to who you truly are, and repairs your sense of capability that may have taken a hit during the relationship itself. Break-ups can be a hugely positive experience - and I've had my fair share of them. It initially sounds strange to think that a break-up could be something beautiful, but for me it's been a great reminder to focus on other wonderful aspects of life that I usually overlook. It's possible I'm weird, as evidenced by my stick figures. Research embarked to explore if people ever feel happy after breakup like me, or is it an anomaly? Therefore, the scientist in me initiated was a fact-finding mission to explore what the truth may be regarding sharing this experience with others.
I used my training and scientific research to explore whether break-ups could be beneficial for certain individuals. By combining these two elements I strive to better understand if break-ups can lead to positive outcomes. I wanted to take a deep dive into understanding how a break-up can influence one's identity, so I narrowed my research to people who had recently broken up from longer relationships within the last three months. Thus, the initial query was simple: how did their break-up impact them and their being in general? For two of three participants, it had been several years in a mutually satisfying relationship, until they eventually both sought out new partners. Though sadness was experienced by some upon breaking their bond, the reality was that only two people involved didn't consider it to be a negative experience. About 25% of people reported that their emotional experience was "neutral" - a combination of positive and negative feelings. In other words, as is often the case with emotion, it is not black and white but sometimes a little bit of both. Forty-one percent of people surveyed, who were faced with the unfortunate news of going through a break-up, characterized their experience as positive. This data is important to note especially since they were predicted to feel especially heartbroken after such a major change in their life. Therefore, naturally the question arises - why? Those people are feeling that way because of certain circumstances or events, which have adversely affected their situation. Their misery and distress may be the result of the loss of some important aspect in their life, such as a job or relationship.
Communication, respect and trust are essential elements of a strong relationship. Compromise can help both parties build an understanding for one another and showing sincerity in each interaction will ensure sustained closeness and flourish the potential of the relationship. I focus my research on self-expansion, which captures the experience of relationships that become integral parts of your life, bolster your personal development, and help define who you are as a person. Through this lens, I examine how these kinds of relationships shape and enrich individuals. Sometimes relationships can lack self-expansion and be stagnant, where one's partner is holding them back. In this kind of impoverished relationship, the partner isn't aiding growth. To liberate oneself from such circumstances, getting out of it results in addition by subtraction; Literally freeing the individual to thrive without being held back. People who recently experienced a demotivating environment due to a significant split reported feelings of great solace, sharpness, fortitude and cheer. The shining light of freedom has allowed them to reignite their own individualism and potential as they experience an improvement of both mental state and outlook in life. If you are not inherently strong or don't have the luxury to get away from a suffocating relationship, it can be difficult to realize that getting out of such restrictions and constraints plays an important role in achieving personal development. It might seem counterintuitive, but ending unhealthy relationships can help people become a better version of themselves. I have discovered people cope differently following break-ups or divorces. Hence, I am determined to foster self-improvement in individuals struggling with the ramifications of a break-up or divorce. I want to create innovative ways of allowing them to progress in their healing process and empower them to get better quickly.
In the previous research I conducted, I focused on rediscovery of oneself and found positive results. To bring my investigations on this topic one step further, I am planning an experiment with individuals who recently experienced a breakup. They will be separated into two groups randomly and do some activities as part of the study inside my lab. For the next two weeks, they will take time out of their regular lives to engage in activities that focus on self-reflection, personal discovery or simply routine activities in the natural world. The rediscovery-of-self refers to activities that were once restricted due to an existing relationship. For instance, if you enjoyed the beach and your partner never did, going there now would be a meaningful exercise in reclaiming yourself. Taking time for social activities, such as spending time with friends, is important and part of your usual daily routine. Going to the gym or a movie can be exhilarating ways to diversify your regular activities. So don't forget these enjoyable ideas as you go about your daily agenda! Rediscovery and routine can both be beneficial in helping you to feel better. Rediscovery allows you to reconnect with yourself and understand who you really are, while using a set routine gives structure and helps guard against unhealthy habits such as staying inside eating ice cream and watching television shows without end. People rediscovering themselves demonstrated fewer sensations of feeling lost, unhappy emotions and isolation. Additionally, individuals experienced a boost to positive emotions and greater overall contentment, purpose in life and self-love. This substantial transformation was continual, stemming from their chosen activities during these two weeks. Refocusing on yourself, taking a step back to rediscover who you are, and understanding your own needs is an effective way to cope with difficult times. Doing this can help you to find soothing solutions more quickly and easily.
Relationships are significant, and time passes swiftly. Therefore, it is essential not to make mistakes since they can come with steep consequences. Relationships should thrive to be highly rewarding and influential in our lives. If you have been lucky enough to find a connection where both parties can sustain each other and grow, then it can undoubtedly be the best part of your life. Pondering how much your happiness is worth over a length of time? One hour, one day, one week, one month, or even a lifetime? Hopefully you have the answer – but if not, it's important to ask yourself this question. When it comes to great relationships, they don't often fall apart. Unfortunately, bad ones often do, proving that when it matters most any bond can be severed. However, such a painful outcome doesn't have to mean the end of the world. Moving on doesn't have to define you or break your spirit indefinitely. The Japanese have an art form, known as Kintsugi, to repair broken pottery using precious metals such as gold, silver, and platinum. It is not just an aesthetic process used to make the piece more beautiful; it is also a philosophy which embraces the concept of taking damage and transforming it into something even more meaningful and beautiful. Thanks for the reminder. Yes, sometimes relationships leave behind some cracks, but that doesn't always mean there is no beauty or strength present in them. Our break-ups don't have to completely shatter us - we are capable of handling and persevering much more than we often realize.
See also: https://mygodsentangels.com/