I faced the ultimate rejection from not just one but two individuals at the same time last year and its pain was unbearable. But more importantly, it's what happened after that is noteworthy - I healed and moved forward in life. It's like having that sinking feeling when you follow someone back on Instagram after they followed you, only to find out a week later they've unfollowed you - just one hundred times worse! I try to escape my pain by sleeping as much as possible; however, when I am eventually brought back to reality, tears inevitably follow. My dreams were like a cruel joke, providing me with a false sense of comfort as I waded through each hour of pain. My brain had tricked me, and when reality hit again, my body burned through the hours of consciousness. Years of cultivating friendships were suddenly lost as I isolated myself from them, sorrowfully cutting myself off. I experienced a lot of stress and apprehension about my lack of education due to not attending school, which made tackling homework especially challenging. It was like I was constantly walking tightrope - always on the brink of collapse. My family, friends and classmates were all around me, yet I felt like I was in an ocean of loneliness and my emotions were overwhelming. Despite having people near me, it still felt as if everyone was far away. The feelings I was experiencing overwhelmed me, leaving me in need of a life raft. This was because my emotional intelligence wasn't great enough to help cope with my emotions.
Emotional intelligence is the capability to perceive and manage one's emotions, as well as the emotions of others around them. It involves recognizing and understanding one's own feelings and reactions, in addition to those of others, allowing for more effective communication and stronger interpersonal relationships – something that many people have difficulty with. High school and middle school students are struggling more and more with anxiety and depression at a concerning rate. Mental health issues have become increasingly prevalent in these age groups. In 2016, the American College Health Association noticed an extraordinary spike in anxiety levels among undergraduates; a survey showed that 62% of them reported feeling overwhelmed by it, up from 50% in 2011. In the last 10 years, hospital admissions due to teenage suicide have doubled. I, as well as many others, have found ourselves in this situation because we didn't have the courage to open up and speak our minds or perhaps didn't even know how. Anxiety can be compared to a snowball gaining momentum as it rolls down a hill - intensifying until the situation is out of control. We must take steps to prevent the anxiety that is leading to these tragic results. Emotional intelligence needs to be ingrained in the education system, with classes being included in every high school across America. This will help children recognize and combat their anxious feelings before they spiral out of control or even lead to a loss of life. It can be daunting when we don't understand something, however we can solve this everyday emotional puzzle by taking steps to gain better insight and better mental health. As these steps are taken, navigating our feelings becomes easier to comprehend.
Let us look at an example of two girls, each struggling in math, get a D on the test; just one and the same outcome in two separate worlds. Without emotional intelligence classes, our world is one where we must explore, understand and grow relationships urgently. It is important to take the time to look at how we can foster meaningful connections with others. The girl who couldn't have taken emotional intelligence classes, gets incredibly upset and angry when she sees her grade in math, and mutters "I hate math." When the next test approaches, she feels overwhelmed and discouraged, believing that no matter how hard she studies, she'll still fail. She then perceives the world around them as being full of doom and gloom, leading to a pessimistic outlook on what lies ahead. They are constantly foreseeing only the worst possible outcomes, and thinking in extremes of black and white. She's vulnerable, giving anxiety the opportunity to take hold. Her vulnerability makes her an easy target for self-deprecating thoughts and worries. She stands motionless, like being in the eye of a tornado, still and quiet as the chaotic storm rages all around her, unable to provide any protection from the destruction it causes. The increasing pressure on the student, resulting in a lack of sleep, has caused her grades to become increasingly unstable. This creates a positive feedback loop wherein the physiological effects of the pressures further disturbs her sleeping patterns.
The vibrancy of her colors (the red of her passion, the green of her tranquility, and the yellow of her optimism) have all blurred together and fade away; forming a monochrome blob that is steeped in darkness and enigmas. The girl, barely graduating high school with a predetermined mindset, was unable to get into the college of her dreams. Instead she was left to settle for a job she detested and felt that this unfulfilling career path was her destiny, as if it had always been predetermined for her. In spite of lacking compassionate friends and a supportive family, she felt trapped within her own mind with no way out; confined to a dark room within its depths. I needed a life raft and she needed a doorway; together, we really needed to find what we were looking for: hope and salvation. Schools should often offer classes to help students develop their emotional intelligence (EQ). It's particularly beneficial for those students who struggle with how to cope with disappointment and stress. However, even those who are more adept at this can still benefit from taking such classes in order to further enhance their EQ. The silent crisis of the majority of students in a learning environment must be addressed immediately, for it has a tremendous effect on their lives. Understanding this issue and providing support is essential – this would create a safe space for them to reach their full potential.
We can support our next generation by providing them with classes on emotional intelligence. By looking at the other world, we can gain insight on how to best educate our children. This way, we can ensure that they are equipped with the necessary skills and knowledge to succeed in life. A semester in, the same girl receives her test results only to see a big red 'D' on her paper. Before her emotions take hold of her, she stops and takes a deep breath. She remembers what she has learned from her EQ teacher about UC Davis study and recites it silently in her head. Every time a certain experiment group got stressed, they were instructed to think of one thing they were grateful for; as a result, their stress cortisol levels decreased by 23%. When faced with stress, those who have reflexively developed positive thoughts can almost instantly combat it. This is because these gratuitous thoughts become embedded in the brain overtime. Thus, she remembers that this behavior can be cultivated through repetition. She finds it interesting how someone can create an automatic coping system and is motivated to make her own. This girl, with her newfound confidence, was determined to do better on her next exam. She got a B, helping her realize that she is in control of her life - that effort can lead to success and anyone has the ability to improve themselves regardless of how they feel. No matter how lowly or despondent one feels, EQ schooling instructs us that we can always, inevitably, resurge and prosper. The increase in emotional intelligence of the girls enables information to flow more effectively between their rational and emotional minds, allowing their rational brain to better comprehend and manage their emotions; thus, preventing them from taking the reigns.
I would love for my children to experience something that I didn't have the chance to: living in World 2 and learning a valuable life lesson on nurturing emotional intelligence. In contrast, I was overall born and raised in World 1. EQ is not fixed, but rather something that has the capacity to grow and be developed by anyone - going beyond simply assisting those who are emotionally vulnerable. Everyone has the potential to expand their EQ, unlocking its potential. If Becca doesn't give you the time of day, it can feel unpleasant and isolating. Not having a response or acknowledgement from her can be difficult to cope with. Smiling widely and looking directly at her, you greeted her as she passed in the hallway; yet, she didn't seem to notice anyway. She might have had a bad day and that could be the reason why she appears to hate you. Maybe she didn't get the results she wanted on a test, or perhaps someone yelled at her or maybe it's just that she didn't recognize you. As humans, we typically opt for the more negative outcome in anticipation of protecting ourselves from being disappointed; thus, limiting our expectations and leaving room for hope. Once you have accepted defeat, it becomes easier to tolerate the pain. Our well-being is being poisoned by the assumptions and thoughts we make; however, as long as we remain aware of this, we can take steps to ensure our peace of mind. Negative or aggressive behaviors directed at us are often not related to anything that we have done, or who we are as people. This is something that happens more often than most of us realize. Often times, we have our own issues projected onto us, when in reality it is the other person's issues they are struggling with. EQ (Emotional Intelligence) schooling can be used to convert poor experiences into great ones by teaching one to really understand the situation and emotions of those involved. Instead of isolating Becca for seeming to ignore you, why not become closer friends and ask her what's going on in her life and how she's feeling? By doing this, she might share her problems with you, bringing the two of you closer. Using people's names as often as possible is a great way to make a positive impression. This is because hearing their own name triggers the release of oxytocin, the "good feeling" hormone, which makes them more receptive and likeable to you. Liking you can be accomplished in a fun way by using the trick of seeming small and insignificant - and it really works!
It would be great if we could make more than 200 of our daily emotional experiences positive. On average, we experience 400 emotions each day - so this goal is definitely achievable! After teaching her emotional intelligence course, Lisa Firestone reported that her students had improved in various ways, such as higher awareness of themselves and others, more introspection and creativity, better leadership qualities, increased communication abilities and better academic results - all with reductions in stress and anxiety. Schooling provides many positive benefits to society by helping students comprehend body language and work better within a group setting. As they become older, these abilities assist them in achieving great successes. Labelling emotions as either "good" or "bad" is something that has become a commonplace occurrence in Western culture. Judging yourself for feeling emotions that you deem undesirable can be counterproductive, as it prevents realization of what created them. Instead of ignoring what created the emotion, take time to identify and understand those triggers in order to properly resolve the emotion. I would take time away from the world and slip into isolation in my room, emptying my mind and shutting out reality as a way to deal with the difficulties I was facing last year. Trying to understand the brain without any concept of how it operates is like playing Monopoly for the first time without directions: confusing, frustrating, and a challenge to achieve victory. Though admittedly, even with instructions, succeeding in Monopoly is still far from easy. Creating an understanding of emotional intelligence can be done by watching videos online or going through the instructions of a game, like Monopoly. By watching these videos, I accepted the help and support of my family and friends, which I had previously rejected, thus allowing me to pull myself out of a dark hole. My life is like a heart monitor. It's okay to experience highs and lows like climbing the highest mountains or plunging deep into valleys - it means that you're alive! But if we reject life and never aim high due to fear of failing, our heart stops beating and our story comes to an end.
If you ever feel like your life is monotonous, do something fun! Liven up your day by engaging in an activity that will make you feel vibrant and alive. We are only alive in this universe for a fraction of a second compared to the thousands of years that have passed; so nothing to worry about your embarrassing moments- nobody will remember them! That time when someone lent you their pencil and you accidentally started chewing on it; the stomach growling in a quiet math class revealing your hunger; rejection coming your way - it's okay. It only means that you are striving to make the most out of every awarded opportunity! This art project I created for English was not just "good enough" - it was me. It could be judged as beautiful, ugly, or rancid - but I loved it nonetheless. Hours spent crafting this piece have made it something truly special. Thank you for helping me after only a few hours of watching these videos with me each week. I can only imagine what scheduled emotional intelligence courses could do for a nation if this was the result.
See also: https://mygodsentangels.com/