Regret is something we all have in common – it's something we know too well but something that everyone of us strives to avoid. My name is Kimberly Rich and today I'm here to talk with you about this very subject. At Cornell University in 1986, a research team explored the potential causes of regret and how they manifest. They examined how regrets were shaped by two particular scenarios, regretting our past actions and regretting those chances that we didn't take, to understand the different levels of emotion involved. While 54% talked about the opportunities and experiences they had wanted to have but had missed, only 12% discussed their regrets. Researchers surveyed over 600 people in their 70s to discover what they would do differently if they could do life over again. We've noticed a difference in the kind of regrets people experience: remorse for things they've done only stays with them for a short time, while regrets for opportunities missed can persist lifelong. Researchers explored this phenomenon and uncovered a clear discrepancy between them. More than half of us tend to live our lives with a sense of regret for the things we never did, but why is this such a common problem? The answer lies in being scared: we all choose to take the easier and safer way out, leaving a backlog of disappointments that follow. To lead a meaningful life without regret, it is necessary to be brave and daring. Striving for a life without remorse means one must embrace boldness and be willing to take initiative.
Boldness for me has always been about discovering fulfillment. To share this understanding with others, I started down a path of studying, from books to seminars. Eventually, I became a coach, showing people how a bolder lifestyle can open them up to new opportunities and greater contentment in life. For the past two years I've had the privilege of interviewing people on my podcast who have embraced their inner boldness to create lives that are both adventurous and without regret. Experience has taught me to be more daring in life, a mindset that I only started to develop recently. It wasn't an easy transition, but I'm glad to be at this point today. Life is often perceived in our society as like this: First you go to high school and then college and afterward get employment, fall in love with someone, purchase a home, become a parent and finally lead a blissful life. Sounds simple, doesn't it? In 2008, right around the time I graduated college, I wasn't sure what sort of job I was going to get; however, desperate times call for desperate measures; so despite it not being something I would normally choose to do, I had no choice but to accept the first offer that presented itself. For two and a half years, I made cold calls to government employees - a job I wasn't all that thrilled about. At the same time, I settled into a very safe relationship with someone who wasn't right for me; all the usual trappings were there like nice dinners and vacations, however the bond lacked passion. The turning point in my life involved taking increasingly greater risks: first, leaving the relationship and then moving on to a new job. In this next role, I made an even bolder proposition of remote international work travel, something which no one else had asked for, thus it underscored bravery and courage.
I felt trapped in an endless cycle of work and no travel until I read The 4-Hour Workweek by Tim Ferriss. The book brought me hope and inspired a series of bold decisions. Just four months later, in 2013, I decided to quit my corporate job, turned the list upside down and moved overseas. For two years, I traveled around Europe and Southeast Asia taking advantage of good Wi-Fi connections so I could explore different subjects. These included internet entrepreneurship and personal development, which led to the launch of my company, The Bold Life Movement. This in turn led me to take the stage and share my story. Every risk taken expanded my comfort zone and with each bold action I took, I no longer had to fear any potential regrets in the future. The path towards making brave decisions was an incremental process taking time to accomplish. In other words, my courage to make original choices grew as a result of deliberate reflection and experimentation. You can achieve some amazing results just like me by using these three secrets based on the data from hundreds of hours of research and my own personal experience. Today, let's discuss how to utilize them.
The first way we can begin to get what we truly want is simply by having the courage to ask. Though, this may be difficult and uncomfortable, it might turn out that anything seemingly impossible could soon become within reach due to the request. We don't know until we try! My mom is an incredible fan of a TV show that originates in Australia. To reward the fans, the producers are regularly hosting events where loyal followers and actors from the show come together. Her enthusiasm led her to travelling all the way down under multiple times to enjoy such gatherings. For her birthday last year, I had an idea that I thought would be fantastic as a gift: for the star of the show to send a special birthday wish. It seemed like it could be difficult to pull off, but I was determined to try! I was quite anxious as I logged into Instagram and opened a private message to him the day before her birthday - my finger hovering over the record button for 10 minutes, but eventually I mustered up the courage and recorded the video before sending it. I was amazed when I received his message the following day; not only had he responded, but he sent the most thoughtful video we had ever received. Conversationally we were all on Skype at that time, so I had the unique ability to capture her reaction when she saw it; she was absolutely overjoyed! Being bold in requesting what you desire can not only be beneficial for yourself but also for those around you. Ask and see how it positively affects not only your life, but the lives of your loved ones as well.
We often underestimate how likely people are to say "yes" to answer each other's requests; however, a study at the Stanford Graduate School of Business shows this isn't usually the case. The results of this study clearly demonstrate this fact. On average, participants only needed to approach around 10 people for five strangers to complete a short questionnaire. The success rate was approximately 50%, in comparison with the outcomes from other studies. Interestingly, the participants expected that they would need to ask double amount of people as what it actually took. Why not take advantage of the opportunity to be 50% more likely to get what you want simply by asking? Ask the barista to fix that wrong coffee order, ask for an upgraded seat on your next flight, or even ask for that afternoon off from your boss for a mental-health day. At the end of each podcast episode, my guests and I have discussed what leading a bold life means to them. Not only does having the courage to ask for what you need not make one an evil person, but being bravely outspoken doesn't place someone in a negative light either. Jody Ettenberg, a former lawyer turned travel writer and food blogger, is known for giving one of the all-time favorite responses to a certain question. According to her being bold isn't just about being brash, rather it's about being classy and unapologetic regarding the things in life that one loves. It's important to learn to be brave and confident when asking for what you deserve; this small act of bravery can lead to great rewards. Today, it could be as simple as asking for an upgrade at a restaurant, but later on these skills we help you tackle bigger challenges - like a life-changing job abroad. Too often, we fail to make a request due to our worries of being declined. Bear in mind: if you don't take that step and pose the request, the answer is guaranteed to be "no." So don't let fear hold you back - just ask around!
Here's a pro tip: sometimes it's best to ask after hearing an initial "no." After all, asking again can be beneficial - and even if the answer ends up being no again, you still have nothing to lose. Having my Dad's experience as a case in point, I truly appreciate the relentless efforts it takes to come up with success – even when one is denied initially. He was graduating through Officer Training School at the US Air Force, but had to cancel his training upon discharge during the middle of his course. My dad had a lifelong ambition to be a pilot in the Air Force - getting his license at 16 and graduating college in three years with a degree in aviation and passing all of his tests. Despite this, midway through training, policies changed due to an overage of officers and cuts had been made. My daring father inspired by his ambition for a career in the military, had written a letter to President Ford. Shortly after, he received an unexpected phone call from the Pentagon and within four years was re-enlisted with all vital qualifications - ultimately realizing his aspirations by becoming an officer having successfully completed Officer Training School. Ask for the little things and ask for the big things; don't stick to what everyone else is asking for. Push yourself and try, because you never know what people are willing to agree to until you give them a chance - don't let fear of regret stop you from exploring your options.
Apple understood the concept of thinking differently when they created the timeless and iconic "Think different" ad campaign in the 90s. To effectively get what you want and to eliminate regret, one must understand that it is essential to be brave enough to challenge conventional norms by being willing to explore unconventional solutions and ideas. When Chris Guillebeau, one of my favorite authors and bloggers, arrived in Austin for his book signing tour last year, I wanted to express my gratitude for his work. So, when it was time for him to sign my book, I embraced my uniqueness and stood out from the rest. I was filled with nervous anticipation as I approached Chris to give him a handmade watercolor illustrating the impact his work had on my life. Expecting him to think I was some fanatical admirer, I was amazed when he asked for my contact information after appreciating the gift! By thinking creatively and differently, I managed to capitalize on the opportunity presented to me far beyond what I had been expecting. Consequently, I invited Chris as a guest onto my podcast and then last year he even asked me to be a host of a session in his yearly event. If you want to avoid regret and create more chances in life, you must be daring and innovative. Don't just settle with what is expected of you; think unconventionally, be bold to defy default social conventions and make your presence felt.
Trusting your gut is the third and final secret to avoiding regret. Only you know what is best for yourself and if you wish to lead a meaningful and sincere life, it's imperative that you are brave enough to pursue your ambitions and wants, regardless of anyone else's opinion or behavior. AOL Instant Messenger ended up playing an unexpected role in my high school years. Even though my long-distance boyfriend and I lived 3,000 miles apart on opposite sides of the country, due to my dad being a pilot with flight benefits we were able to make our relationship work. However, for years I had been longing for closure as to why our relationship ended on an unpleasant note for some reason. We had so deeply connected over instant messenger and telephone when we were in high school - which was frowned upon back then - culminating with us even going to prom together before going our separate ways to college. It had been ten years since I last set foot in the town of my old friend, so when I returned for a conference in 2015, I tried reaching out to him in all the usual ways like Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Everything came up as a dead end though: he wasn't even on LinkedIn or Google. We, me and my friend for moral support, drove to his office in our rental car, the sounds of I Have The Eye of The Tiger pumping through the speakers. Despite feeling scared and apprehensive, I remained focused on my mission - knowing that no matter the outcome, it would certainly be a good story! The unexpected drop-in ended up being one of my life's greatest blessings. To my amazement, his response was joy rather than calling the authorities. Remaining negativity dissolved while we reconnected, something that I had a feeling might happen - yet never imagined to what scale it would change my life.
Trust your heart and push through your fear of judgment or failure, because when you look back in your 70s or 80s, taking risks when life offered you opportunities will not be regretted. Don't let what other people think stop you from seizing these moments. When making important decisions; trust your gut, rather than struggling to please everyone else. Be bold - whether it's a new business, job, or a romantic partner; do so without worrying about regretting the decision later. No longer wait for permission, for acting is all that's needed to turn uncertainty into clarity. Embrace failure like feedback; it may come, but regret doesn't have to be courageous in thought, decisive in action and confident when trusting your "gut". This is all the permission you need!
See also: https://mygodsentangels.com/