I greatly appreciate your attending my conference today. My name is Hannah Fry and I am a mathematician. Today, I would like to discuss the mathematics of love with you. It is widely accepted that mathematicians are particularly successful when it comes to finding love. It's not only due to our captivating personalities, remarkable communication abilities and extraordinary pencil cases. We've invested a great deal of effort into discovering the mathematics behind how to locate the ideal mate.
In his most beloved essay, "Why I Don't Have a Girlfriend", Peter Backus attempts to assess his prospects of ever finding a romantic partner. Peter isn't one to be grasping for more, though. Peter is searching for the perfect woman in the U.K., one who resides close by and is within his desired age range, ideally with a university degree, someone he can easily get along with, as well as somebody who finds him attractive and whom he also considers attractive. An estimate has been calculated by Peter that there are 26 women in the United Kingdom as a whole. Peter, doesn't it seem like the situation is not very promising? To put it into perspective, the number of intelligent extraterrestrial life forms is estimated to be about 400 times greater than what is currently known for Peter's case. Peter actually has a one in 285,000 probability of running into one of these extraordinary women while he is out on an evening. I believe that is the explanation for why mathematicians have ceased to attend social gatherings in the evening.
However, I don't agree with this pessimistic perspective on a personal level. I'm aware, just as much as all of you are, that love doesn't operate in this manner. Humans have an unpredictable and irrational range of emotions that cannot be neatly categorized. I understand that mathematics doesn't always seem to have much to give us, however, I am aware that it can be of great use when looking at love. After all, there are patterns in almost every aspect of life and mathematics is essentially the investigation of those very same patterns. Patterns can be seen everywhere, from forecasting the weather to tracking fluctuations in the stock market, right through to observing the motion of planets or the development of cities. To be honest, none of these items are arranged in an orderly fashion or easily foreseeable. But still, mathematics has the potential to provide us with a unique perspective on almost any topic due to its remarkable power. Even love, a mysterious force, could finally be unlocked by and known to mathletes as of this present day. In order to demonstrate the incredible value and significance of mathematics, I would like to share with you my three best pieces of mathematically-backed advice for loving relationships.
Top Tip One for succeeding with mathematical love: Winning strategies to maximize your chances of successful online dating. One of the reasons I particularly like OkCupid as an online dating website is that it was founded by a collective of mathematicians. For nearly ten years, the mathematicians have been building up a database of information about all those who utilize their website. Researchers have been attempting to analyze the language we use when referring to ourselves and our interactions with others on an online dating platform in order to uncover any patterns. The researchers have discovered some truly fascinating results. My favorite thing I've discovered while using the online dating website is that your level of attractiveness doesn't determine how popular you are. It may actually be beneficial to have people think you're not so good-looking! I will demonstrate to you the functioning of this helpful data. In OkCupid, users have the option to rate other people's attractiveness on a scale from 1-5. This is an entirely voluntary feature indeed. By comparing the average score to the amount of messages a certain group of people receive, we can start to make an assumption on how attractiveness and popularity are tied together on an online dating website. This is the graph that the OkCupid guy has generated. It is important to note that it isn't necessarily the case that more attractive people receive more messages than those who are less attractive. It appears that there may be a certain pattern, but the correlation is virtually non-existent; it's just not worth considering. This raises the question of why people living in this area are more popular than those living down south, although they have an equal amount of physical attractiveness? The reason why physical appearance isn't the only factor of importance is because there's more to it than simply how one appears.
To give a better understanding of their findings, I will provide an example. Portia de Rossi is widely considered to be an incredibly attractive woman; she serves as a perfect example. No one considers her to be unattractive, but she is also not a renowned beauty. When compared to someone as stunningly gorgeous as Sarah Jessica Parker, it is clear that Portia de Rossi is also incredibly fabulous and could be considered one of the most beautiful people to ever walk the planet. Myself included, many would agree. Many on the Internet though have come to the opinion that she resembles a horse. I believe that if you were to ask people to rate Sarah Jessica Parker and Portia de Rossi's attractiveness on a scale of 1-5, the averages for both would be roughly equal. The manner in which people cast their ballots would be markedly dissimilar. Portia's scores were all concentrated around the 4, since everyone was in agreement that she was attractive. On the other hand, Sarah Jessica Parker created a lot of disagreement among people. She would have a significant difference in her scores. And what really matters here is the extent of this expansion. This spread is what will increase your popularity on an online dating website. It may be counterintuitive, but in some cases it might be better to have a few people think that you're not attractive rather than everyone thinking you are. In other words, having a couple of people think that you're absolutely a real-life ugly duckling is better than having everyone think you are good looking. It's much better to be seen as more than just the "cute girl next door" by everyone.
Now, when considering the people who are conveying these messages, this makes more sense. If you find someone attractive but believe that others may not share the same sentiment, then it could be wise to keep your opinion to yourself. This means that there are fewer people vying for the same position, making it a great opportunity for you to make contact. Additionally, this is an added incentive to take action. If you think someone is attractive, it's likely that other people will have the same opinion. In comparison to this, if you suspect everyone will find them attractive, then your opinion is likely to be shared. Honestly, is there still any reason then to put yourself through humiliation? But don't worry: here's where things get really intriguing. People often attempt to downplay the aspects of themselves they believe others may find unappealing when selecting images for an online dating website. People who are a bit on the heavier side may pick photos that show them in a more flattering light, such as close-up shots and those where they can hide their weight. Similarly, bald men often choose images in which they wear hats to conceal their baldness. These examples demonstrate how some people deliberately select pictures to present themselves in the best manner possible. If you want to be successful, then doing the reverse of what has been mentioned should be done. Instead of trying to conform, emphasize whatever makes you unique, even if you think it may not be appealing to others. No matter what, those who appreciate you will continue to do so and those who don't are just insignificant people that can only work in your favor.
Top Tip Two: Selecting the right companion. Visualize yourself having a great time on the dating scene, enjoying your success. A key query that emerges is how to turn short-term success into long-term contentment, and in particular, when would be the optimal time to settle down? Generally, it is not recommended to hastily marry someone who displays any degree of interest towards you without taking the time to get to know them better. To ensure the greatest likelihood of long-term contentment, it is best not to wait too long to make a decision. Jane Austen, my most beloved writer, stated that a single lady of the age of seven and twenty will no longer be able to experience or evoke emotion. Thank you very much, Jane. What is your understanding of love after all? Given the variety of people one can date in a lifetime, how does one then determine when is an appropriate time to settle down? Fortunately, optimal stopping theory is available as a mathematical tool to assist us in this situation. It is quite delectable. Let us hypothesize that you commence a relationship when you are 15 and with the goal of being married by age 35. Throughout your lifetime, you will likely come across a variety of people who could be potential romantic partners - some better than others. Once you make the decision to tie the knot and exchange vows, you must accept the consequences of your choice; it is not possible to reflect on what could have been or to reverse your decisions. My personal experience has been that people generally don't enjoy being contacted years after they were passed over in favor of someone else, though I could be wrong. Based on the math, it is suggested that for the initial 37 percent of your dating span, you should not consider any person a viable option for marriage. Once you have gone through the selection process, choose the individual that surpasses all those considered prior.
Here is an illustration. By following this approach, it can be mathematically demonstrated that this is the most effective method for maximizing your chances of discovering the ideal mate. Sadly, I have to inform you that there are still some dangers associated with this approach. For example, consider what it would be like if the ideal person for you showed up during the initial 37 percent of your life. Unfortunately, you would need to turn them down at this time. If you do the math, it appears that there is no one better than those you have already seen, meaning you must keep denying potential partners and accept that you might end up dying alone. You are likely to have cats gnawing at your remains if you stay in one spot for too long physical spot or otherwise. What if, instead of the first 37% of people you dated being exciting and interesting, they were incredibly dull, boring and terrible? That's another risk to consider. It's alright to be in your rejection phase; you can easily turn down offers that don't satisfy you. Contemplate the possibility that the next individual you encounter may be more interesting than those who've gone before them, albeit only marginally. If you're doing the math, then it looks like you have to get married to them and end up in an unsatisfactory relationship. My apologies for the inconvenience. I believe that Hallmark has a chance to take advantage of this market and provide services for it though. The following type of card would even make a decent Valentine's Day gift. "My beloved spouse, you are considerably superior to the initial 37 percent of people I went out with." It's more romantic than I usually succeed at. Although this technique may not guarantee you success, there is no other approach that can yield a higher rate of accuracy. In nature, there are various species of fish that make use of this particular technique. During the first 37 percent of mating season, they reject any potential suitors that appear. After this time period however, they will select the next fish that appears to be larger and sturdier than those that came before it. Humans may be unaware of it, but we tend to do this sort of thing on a subconscious level. When we are young, we allow ourselves a little time to explore different options, get an understanding of the environment around us or whatever the case may be. Once we reach our mid-to-late 20s, that is when we begin to take a serious look at potential marriage partners. It appears to be undeniable evidence that everyone's brains are naturally inclined towards mathematics. This has been the second piece of advice from me to you.
Top Tip Three: Preventing Divorce - Here are some tips on how to avoid divorce and maintain a healthy, happy relationship. Let's envision then that you have selected your ideal mate and you are now embarking on a lifelong commitment with them. Ideally, everyone would want to avoid divorce, excluding perhaps Piers Morgan's spouse? Unfortunately, it is a reality that approximately half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce; similar patterns are observed around the world. It might be understandable to not consider the arguments leading up to a divorce as an appropriate subject for mathematical analysis. It is difficult to determine which metrics should be monitored or quantified. A psychologist named John Gottman didn't let this impede him, and was determined to do it anyway. Gottman studied hundreds of couples as they engaged in conversation, taking note of every detail. He documented everything that took place during the conversation - their skin conductivity, facial expressions, heart rates, and blood pressure - except to determine if the wife was always right. Of course, it goes without saying that she is! Gottman and his team discovered that one of the most effective indicators to help determine if a couple might divorce was their attitude when conversing with each other. Specifically, how positive or negative the partners were being. Couples evaluated to be at an extremely low risk of relationship breakdown earned significantly more favorable ratings on Gottman's scale in comparison with the unfavorable ones. If a couple is in a bad relationship, which is likely to end up leading to divorce, they may find themselves becoming entrenched in a cycle of negativity. Gottman and his group were able to accurately predict whether a specific couple would get divorced with an impressive 90 percent accuracy by simply utilizing these straightforward concepts.
But once he got together with mathematician James Murray, it was not until then that they really began to comprehend what brings about these negative cycles and how they happen. The discoveries they made were amazingly straightforward and fascinating. Here are their results too! They appear to be most understandable. These equations suggest how the spouse is likely to react in their subsequent contribution to the dialogue, predicting whether it will be positive or negative. The equations of relationships between husband and wife are heavily dependent on the individual's state of mind when alone and when together, but more importantly, how much influence each partner has within the relationship. At this point, I believe it is important to note that these exact equations have been proven capable of accurately depicting the behavior between two nations in an arms race. The arguing of a couple, whose relationship is descending into negativity and teetering on the brink of divorce, can be mathematically likened to the beginning of a nuclear war. The crux of this equation is the impact that individuals have on each other, especially with regards to something known as the "negativity threshold". The negativity threshold can be seen as the level of irritation that either the husband or wife can reach before they become extremely irritated with one another.
I have long believed that successful marriages depend upon being willing to compromise, to understand one another, and to give each other the freedom to be ourselves. I assumed that the most successful relationships were those in which there was an incredibly high tolerance for negative behavior. In relationships, couples refrain from bringing up minor issues and instead focus on what's truly important. The team's mathematical calculations and conclusions have surprisingly demonstrated that the opposite truth is indeed accurate. The most successful partnerships tend to be those in which the partners have a tolerance for negative interactions that is very low. These couples are attentive to the little things and give each other the space to express their grievances. These couples, who constantly strive to improve their relationship and are optimistic about the future of their marriage, are highly likely to succeed. Couples that don't overlook minor issues and brush them off can often find themselves in situations where small matters become much more significant. In order to have a successful relationship, there is obviously more required than simply having a low negativity threshold and not giving in. It is really intriguing to discover that there is actual mathematical proof which suggests you should never allow yourself to remain angry until the next day. These are my highest ranking recommendations on how mathematics can assist you in matters of the heart and relationships. I hope that, in addition to being useful as advice, these tips also give you a glimpse of the immense power of mathematics. After all, equations and symbols are more than just a thing for me. They are a voice that speaks of the true magnificence of nature, its patterns ever changing and evolving around us - from the way our world operates to how we interact with one another. The beauty lies in its simplicity. I'm hoping that some of you, just a few, might gain understanding about the mathematics of love, which will lead to a newfound appreciation for the arts of math. I appreciate your kind curiosity for math and the ancient Sumerians' invention of math.
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