Despite considerable obstacles, my parents were able to meet one another. My father was born in Sweden, whereas my mother's birth took place 6,000 miles away in the Philippines. Despite the distance between them, they lived their lives together. They were brought into the world during the Second World War. The two of them were introduced to one another through an English exchange program set up by their respective schools, in which they would learn English via exchanging letters. They were passionate about exploring the globe and different societies, and swapped photographs they had taken themselves. It took three or four years before they began to develop romantic feelings for each other, even though they had never actually met. Once my mom arrived in Denmark, Dad didn't waste any time - he had been writing letters to her for five years prior and proposed to her on the same day! For half a century, my parents have enjoyed an enduring and joyous marriage.
I believed that love was a simple concept of a man and woman finding each other, having three children, and everything appearing to be effortless because my parents made it look so effortless. For the following two decades, I devoted myself to achieving this ideal and attempting to reproduce what I had experienced during my childhood. At the age of 17, I placed an advertisement for a pen pal, believing that this was how my parents had met and thus it must be the same way it works. In return for the advertisement that I put out, I unfortunately only got men's pictures of their private parts and an unsolicited invitation to Florida from a middle-aged man with whom I had no prior contact. Ultimately, I did encounter a tall, dark and handsome stranger who was quite gracious; however, unfortunately, we were not compatible. I was not concerned with that because I held a strong vision, and I was determined to make it come true no matter what. It was heartbreaking, but after seven years we had to accept that our relationship wasn't working and so we sadly parted ways.
Simultaneously, I was engaged in projects for nations that were developing and involved with philanthropic organizations. Furthermore, my childhood had been spent in numerous impoverished countries. I felt a deep sadness inside me, as if my heart was being torn apart. I had lost my belief that the world was a pleasant place to exist. I was near the site of 9/11 when it occurred, and I likewise was close by the area of the London bombings when they took place four years later. As I was facing an emotional crisis, two of my closest friends were also having difficulties as they declared their mutual hatred and vowed to never speak to each other again. To make matters worse, my sister got in a life-threatening accident leaving me utterly devastated. I contemplated to myself that I would much rather not exist in a place like this. I came to the conclusion that there was no purpose. Being in such a dangerous state of mind can lead to suicidal thoughts if one is also suffering from depression. I had the thought that I wasn't sure if this was the life I wanted to live, but I decided to give it another try anyway.
I had come across news of a Zen Buddhist temple located in England. The monastery is managed by 25 English monks, comprising of an equal number of males and females, who practice the Japanese Zen Buddhist tradition. Apart from gardening and cooking, the entirety of our day was devoted to extended periods of meditation. When practicing meditation, the aim is to reduce the levels of internal and external stimuli so that one can focus on inner awareness. Choosing not to interact with the media and your typical opinions, allowing all of your ideas, anxieties, and issues to remain without voicing them; it's like diving into an ocean. For those who have experienced this sensation, everything outside can become silent as you enter a wholly different realm. I carried out that action. When I did that, the terror I experienced was beyond anything imaginable. A palpable sense of terror seemed to hang in the air. I cannot think of a specific motivation, but I believe that this sensation is something instinctive that we possess from the moment of our birth. When you hear a baby wailing in distress, it may not be indicative of any particular cause; rather, this is something that is instinctive. I understood that the fear that I had been expressing through my outwardly grumpiness was what I had been channeling all this time. It had become such a part of me, it was as if it were part of my personality. That's when I identified the source of this anxiety. I had no choice but to maintain my resolve, for there was no other option; either I take my own life or find a way to cope with the realities of the world and myself. After roughly seven or eight months of meditation, I encountered something I had no idea was there – a surprise that stopped me in my tracks. I can only describe it as a feeling of love.
I was taken aback by the manner of its arrival. The nun and I were tending to the garden when she handed me a minuscule plant, approximately 5 millimeters in size, with two petite leaves poking out. I recall the light green color vividly, and it was glowing in a remarkable way - I'm not exaggerating at all. I had been dimming down the rest of the world, so I was able to detect this minuscule item that seemed to be glowing. The plant's voice declared, "I am invaluable and equivalent to life itself. It is your duty to ensure that I am well looked after." I have never been a fan of gardening, given the fact that I was raised in an urban environment and not particularly interested in such activities. However, I felt obligated to show my respect for it. Love is not confined to people and romantic relationships; it can be found in the beauty of nature, plants, and other aspects of life. The Buddhists refer to a concept known as Indra's net, which is a metaphorical representation of interconnectedness between every person and all things in existence. Our actions have ripple effects that impact other people, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem. I looked after an elderly acquaintance of mine who lived in a monastery. I was on my knees tending to her aching feet, putting on band-aids in an act of humility; the pain she must have been enduring was evident. I came to understand that this is the true essence of love: being willing to do whatever you can to meet someone else's needs, no matter how small they may be, if they require your assistance and always watching out for them. A second nun asked, "How are you doing?" She asked me "How are you?" in a way that I had never experienced before; it was clear that she truly wanted to know, and her response would be shaped by my answer. It was evident that she genuinely cared. She wasn't just trying to get something out of me, which surprised me since I had been living in London for so many years and wasn't used to someone actually paying attention to the small details. Love, as described by Indra's net, is something that passes through us rather than originating from us. We don't necessarily have the power to manipulate it, but rather it passes through us; both something that we can give off and something that we can take in. Giving and getting are essentially the same action. By assisting my elderly companion, I was also gaining something myself.
If you search for proof, the concept will become apparent. My father sent me a letter at the monastery where he, as usual, expressed his views on a philosophical matter in an argumentative manner. Whenever my dad failed to recognize my reality, it was like a hard blow to the gut. I felt such intense fury because apparently, he wasn't paying attention to me. I took the letter and crumpled it up, then smoothed it out, repeating this process multiple times. I asked a Zen master for advice about my anger at my father, inquiring what I could do in this situation. I expected him to suggest that I go meditate or something, but instead he asked me, "What was the real purpose behind your father sending you that letter?" I came to the realization then that it was meant to be a connection between us. "What could have been his motivation for doing this? He has such strong and positive feelings for me!" In less than sixty seconds, I was able to transition from a state of hostility to an understanding of how we were connected. On my return to London, I was also able to engage in very aggressive confrontations with people I had never met before. The situation has reversed itself just like that! In London, it is clear that there are many people who are in desperate need of help. When they come up to me, I used to react defensively and with anger; trying to push them away or something. When I allowed them to approach me and take the time to discover what they truly desired, all that they wanted was for their voice to be listened to. They had no intention of harming me. I believe that we are too often on the defensive, leading us to mistakenly think that people are out to get us when they actually aren't. One may even find proof in the most insignificant occurrences, such as a delicate butterfly perching on one's shoulder, as a reminder that they are not alone. The social platform AskReddit, with its seven million users, is a place where people ask questions out of curiosity and interest in one another.
After leaving the monastery after about a year, I returned to London with the feeling that an immense and protective hand was accompanying me wherever I went. Although I don't have any faith in such matters, that is how it seemed to me. I enjoy exploring new places, so I travelled from one city to another, and from one country to the next, just to check if the hand protecting me stayed with me – and it did! The protective quality of Indra's net I was discussing was what I had in mind to put my helping hand into perspective. Unfortunately, it is true that love cannot solve all of life's problems; this is something which everyone present understands, writer and reader alike. Pain and conflict remains in the world, both on a personal level, as well as between nations. War is still very much a present reality. No one's life is perfect; there are always imperfections. Leonard Cohen's famous words declare that in every broken thing there is a glimmer of hope, and this is what allows it to be illuminated in fact. It is a sad reality that all of us are capable of such cruel acts, but these instances must be seen as an aberration from the love that binds us. There is something far greater than fear beneath the surface of this misunderstanding, but many people never get that far, and instead remain in a state of terror. Those of us who are aware of our choices can make the decision to act out of love rather than fear.
We have the option of evaluating things based on our differences, or alternatively basing our judgement on what connects us. The difference it makes is most immeasurable. A major factor in making a positive impact is to share your truth with someone who understands how to listen attentively. In order to become a counselor, I am currently in training, and part of this process involves me attending counseling sessions myself. I've come to the realization that I need to open up to her about certain aspects of my life that make me feel embarrassed or ashamed. These include things other people have done to me which I've had difficulty letting go, as well as thoughts and feelings I've had towards others which I knew were wrong but felt guilty for anyway. I'm informing you of this since I understand that all individuals possess an element of darkness within them. It's alright to be that way, since it is the natural order of things. When you share your feelings with someone, it has a mysterious power to transform them into something acceptable. It's almost like an alchemical reaction. I can say this, and it may sound like something out of a textbook: you must actually do it in order for it to work. It would be worth giving it a go!
After my time away in the monastery and then returning to London, I was not expecting to find love until later on in life. However, it ended up that I finally met my true soulmate in my late 30s. True love is commonly described as two people who are inextricably linked, as if by their souls, and that certainly rings true; however, it can be difficult to predict when such a soulful connection will form. I had never anticipated that we would come from such varied backgrounds, nor did I ever expect to meet him when I was in my thirties. Originally, I assumed that I would be meeting him during my teenage years and having a large family together. No matter what expectations you may have, things won't always turn out the way you anticipated. The secret to a lasting relationship is being genuine and honest with your partner or even yourself for that matter; that's what "true love" really means. When I was truthful to myself, released any expectations I had, and stopped attempting to force things to happen, love then had the opportunity to take place. Otherwise, I was just avoiding both the problem and its solution altogether. But obviously, there are far more people in the world than just two souls. If you make the decision to only show favoritism towards one person, while having a negative attitude towards an entire people in general, then you are not allowing yourself to have a true open heart. Your heart can either be fully open or fully shut; there is no in-between. It is not at all possible to selectively love certain people over others. If you choose to be in a loving relationship, it is important to remain open not only to each other but also to others around you. This does not refer to any type of sexual relationships, rather I am referring to another kind of love.
Of course, a lot of discussion is taking place regarding the concept of a "false self". The way I perceive the individual self is like a tough, hard-shelled egg. That's my own experience. It creates a barrier that keeps me from connecting with others and makes me feel isolated. Although it might seem that we are vastly different, the truth is that our lives more closely resemble those of blobs in a lava lamp. Those waxy globules float and drift through a stream of gooey liquid, just as we journey through life. When considering a lava lamp, the blobs continuously create and dissolve themselves while they move, not displaying any preference or bias towards their behavior. They don't single each other out and remark about how different they are, nor do they express a desire to be like someone else or in a different place, such as in the other lava lamp. Humans should simply go with the flow of things, which is a typical trait that many lava lamp blobs possess. We have far fewer options than we believe. If we were to stick with the current situation, our lives would be much simpler. However, there is still knowledge and sound decisions that can be made. Contemplating a lava lamp can evoke similar thoughts for many people, with the changing shapes of its blobs providing the sense that things are constantly reforming and deforming, yet never truly gone. This could be likened to the idea that although someone may have passed away, their memory remains and is thus never truly gone. The only constant in life is change, not necessarily as we traditionally think of it as living and dying. It's much more smooth and seamless. Loving someone isn't just a whim of the imagination but rather an act of kindness and mercy. The greatest challenge lies in honoring the things that unite us by setting aside our differences of opinion. Additionally, it is important to maintain a spirit of gentleness both within yourself and especially towards others whom you may not particularly care for. Being honest and speaking your truth also help to secure personal freedom. I'd like to conclude with a words of wisdom from the 13th century poet Rumi, even though his teachings quite popular already. Nevertheless, I feel that they must be said again. Beyond ideas of wrong and right, there is a field of possibilities. I'll be waiting for you there. When the spirit reclines in that meadow, words become unnecessary to describe how full the world really is. No meaning can be derived from ideas, language, and even the phrase of "each other". Rumi and I both appreciate the gratitude of the readers for listening.
See also: https://mygodsentangels.com/