On Healthy Relationships 135

On Healthy Relationships 135

Chi Nguyen ·

Thank you sincerely for this gracious opportunity. It is a profound honor and an exhilarating experience to be present in this esteemed gathering. I extend my gratitude to Scott for his kind introduction and accurate articulation of my name. As an individual of Italian descent, I am truly impressed. I inquire if there are any other attendees of Italian origin among us. If so, I warmly welcome your presence. However, for those who do not share this heritage, I jest that you may depart. Please pardon my jest, and I humbly request that all participants feel free to remain. When discussing the topic of Italian, I am reminded of my current presentation, and it strikes me as somewhat peculiar that an individual such as myself is delivering this talk. You see, I was raised in a household devoid of literature. My family, comprising industrious and intelligent Italian immigrants, possessed a limited formal education, primarily consisting of elementary schooling. Whenever I would find myself engrossed in reading, my mother would approach from behind, speaking in her Calabrian dialect, and admonish me, "Giù la testa, Jill, metti giù quel libro; ti farà male alla testa." Therefore, reading within the confines of my home became associated with migraines according to this belief. I heeded my parents' advice in almost every aspect of life, save for this particular matter.

One noteworthy aspect of my family is their ability to instill humility. I am one of six siblings, and upon securing my first job after completing graduate school—a teaching position as a visiting professor at the University of Pennsylvania—I eagerly shared the news with my mother. In my excitement, I even expressed it in Italian, mentioning that the university was founded by none other than Benjamin Franklin himself. I asked my mother if she was familiar with Ben Franklin, to which she replied, "That's the guy from Philadelphia, right? Tony, I have no idea. Just leave me alone, son. I can't even recall what I had for breakfast this morning." Her lack of astonishment at the fact that I taught at the institution established by Ben Franklin truly underscored her indifference. However, I found it fitting and appropriate, considering the circumstances, to pursue a career as a professor. The absence of an extensive collection of books in our household did not hinder my intellectual development, as our family relied heavily on an oral tradition of storytelling. This tradition was deeply ingrained in my upbringing, and I suspect many of you may relate to it as well. The captivating narratives I grew up with included remarkable accounts of my maternal grandfather's journey to America as a gravedigger and his subsequent service in World War I. Through his efforts, my mother acquired citizenship and ventured to the United States alone, leaving her four children behind in Italy. She courageously established our family's roots in a foreign land. Additionally, I cannot overlook the enduring memories of my father's tireless work, holding down two jobs and commencing his day as early as 3:30 in the morning, persisting through 16-hour shifts. These anecdotes, woven into the fabric of my upbringing, significantly influenced my career choice. Thus, it felt inherently authentic and genuine to pursue a path that harmoniously combined my passion for storytelling, my affection for Italy, and my fascination with its cultural heritage. Consequently, I embarked upon a career as a professor specializing in literature and Italian Studies.

I had never questioned the path that seemed so logical until a significant event occurred exactly 12 years ago in November 2007, which completely altered my perspective. This event compelled me to ponder the transformative power of literature and its impact on one's life. At that time, I was scheduled to teach a class at Bard College, where I hold a professorship. The morning began like any other class day, and I entered the classroom at 10:00 a.m., engaging in lighthearted banter with my students. However, my attention was drawn to a security guard stationed at the door. Initially, I made a jest, stating that they had come to arrest me, chuckling at my own remark. Yet, I immediately noticed the guard's solemn demeanor, and he inquired if I was Joseph Luzzi. Confirming my identity, I sensed that something dreadful had occurred. Without delay, I rushed out of the building, passing the college's vice president on the staircase, who attempted to provide assistance. A waiting van was swiftly arranged for me, and amidst the chaotic situation, I overheard the life-altering words: "Joe, your wife has been involved in a severe accident." In a split second, I comprehended the gravity of the situation. My wife, Katherine, had tragically passed away due to the car accident that had taken place that morning. By noon, I had become a widower. However, the situation was further compounded by another harrowing reality: Catherine was eight and a half months pregnant at the time. Despite the dire circumstances, she had undergone an emergency cesarean section, and our baby miraculously survived and was in good health. Remarkably, the infant survived for 45 minutes before succumbing to the tragedy as well.

In a single morning, a significant transformation occurred, and the subject of this discussion extends beyond personal experiences. It does not revolve around the profound tragedy that I personally endured during the process of recovering. Instead, an unexpected event unfolded that became an integral part of my journey towards recovery. As I sought to regain my previous state, I turned to a literary work that had long been intertwined with my professional life—a book that I had dedicated years to studying: Dante's Divine Comedy. It is worth noting that Dante penned this masterpiece seven centuries ago, a period markedly distinct from our present time. Nevertheless, despite my decades of familiarity with his writings, I heard his voice in a way I had never before experienced. Dante vividly depicted the state of exile, which he himself endured during the final two decades of his life. He wandered incessantly, akin to a medieval version of shifting from one castle to another, in constant search for employment, constantly evading pursuit. In reading Dante, I encountered the following profound words: "In the middle of our life's journey, I found myself in a dark wood." In this dark and desolate space, I perceived a strong connection—a resonance—with my own predicament. Dante's depiction encapsulated the universal realm of human suffering. I recognized the verse: "I felt that I was in the dark wood," Dante's dark wood. Through this literary work, I gleaned valuable insights.

Initially, I held the belief that one's circumstances determined their arrival in the dark wood—their misfortune defined them. However, my perception transformed, and I came to understand that one's character is defined not by their arrival in such a place but by the actions they undertake to extricate themselves from it. Additionally, Dante's magnum opus, the Divine Comedy, was composed subsequent to his exile. Rumors even circulated that he may have contemplated suicide, although concrete evidence remains elusive. Nevertheless, it is evident that he was profoundly devastated by the loss of his hometown. Similarly, I personally experienced a sense of loss for my former life, yearning to reclaim what was lost. From Dante, I acquired the realization that restoration was unattainable, as one cannot merely retrieve what has been lost. Instead, the path forward necessitates the construction of a new existence: a rebuilding of one's life. My personal journey with this book has become intertwined with my journey towards a reinvigorated existence. It has prompted me to ponder a question that I wish to present to you today: What is it about literature, particularly exceptional writing that endures through time, that possesses the power to transform our lives? Why did I, out of all individuals, turn to a poet who composed his works seven centuries before my time? Furthermore, how can you incorporate the greatness of literature, remarkable writing, and extraordinary books into your daily life? This enigma is what I aim to delve into during our discussion today. As a scholarly figure who has dedicated his life to the study and perusal of literature, I would like to offer my perspective and insights on the matter, albeit from a non-scientific standpoint.

I would like to share with you five thoughts on the enchantment of these books. Firstly, the notion of alternate worlds captivates me. I hold great admiration for F. Scott Fitzgerald's iconic hairstyle, characterized by a distinct middle part—a popular trend during the 1920s. While F. Scott Fitzgerald is widely recognized for his literary masterpiece, The Great Gatsby, which many of you may have read, I genuinely adore it for its timeless appeal and accessibility. The story revolves around Jay Gatsby, a bootlegger passionately in love with Daisy, as he endeavors to win her heart. Tragically, by the conclusion of the narrative, Gatsby succumbs to his untimely demise. This extraordinary tale, along with numerous other literary works, serves as a gateway to alternate worlds—an invaluable gift bestowed upon us by exceptional literature. Allow me to elucidate further by sharing my personal background. I was raised in an immigrant, working-class family, with limited means for travel. However, our town was blessed with a library, which proved to be a sanctuary for me. Within the pages of books, I could embark on adventures to any destination my heart desired. I distinctly recall delving into the writings of a French author named Rob Lai, who painted vivid pictures of Renaissance France. While I was unable to physically visit France at the time, this author's eloquence transported me to a different era and allowed me to immerse myself in the country's rich history. Literature, in its magnificence, traverses time and space, enabling us to connect with worlds that predate our existence. In conclusion, the magic of these books lies in their ability to grant us passports to alternate realms. Regardless of our socioeconomic backgrounds or personal circumstances, literature offers a gateway to exploration and enlightenment, allowing us to transcend the boundaries of time and space.

When contemplating the magnificence of the literary masterpiece, "The Great Gatsby," my thoughts invariably gravitate towards the opulent soirées orchestrated by Jay Gatsby himself in the environs of West Egg. I must apologize for the occasional redundancies in my expression. To elucidate further, these extravagant gatherings transpired within the affluent district of West Egg, distinct from its counterpart, East Egg. Gatsby, having achieved unparalleled affluence, possessed all conceivable material wealth one could aspire to attain. However, Fitzgerald's evocative portrayal of the scene encapsulates an intriguing observation: women leaning their heads upon men's shoulders in a manner reminiscent of endearing puppies, yet lacking the harmonious presence of a singing quartet surrounding Gatsby. Such passages transport me instantaneously to the America of the 1920s, a realm parallel to our own, specifically immersed within the enigmatic domain of Jay Gatsby. Herein lies a profound lesson imparted by a friend, cautioning against an excessive longing for desires, as their actualization might ultimately reveal a disillusionment with the quintessential American dream, as Gatsby himself discovered. When I convey these notions to my students, I emphasize that literature serves as a preserved relic from a bygone era, akin to a fossil containing the imprinted traces of individuals who inhabited a different time. Much like a fern embedded within a rock, literature enables us to comprehend the thoughts and emotions of yore. Although a historical account can illuminate the events of 1920s America, it is insufficient in recreating the atmospheric essence that permeates "The Great Gatsby." Do you apprehend the notion I endeavor to convey? Literature possesses the extraordinary ability to construct alternate realms, thereby transporting us to a domain where fiction nearly assumes the guise of truth or reality.

This painting features the work of an Italian artist, akin to Dante and Raphael, known as the School of Athens. In the artwork, we observe Plato, the esteemed philosopher, gesturing upward towards the heavens. Plato signifies that ultimate truth resides in the celestial realm, suggesting that everything we encounter in our earthly existence is a mere representation—a simulacrum—of beauty, justice, and humanity. Plato contends that our inherent imperfections confine us to the realm of shadows within the metaphorical cave, and it is through philosophical inquiry that we can strive to grasp a semblance of extraterrestrial truth. Conversely, on Plato's left, we encounter Aristotle, a renowned Greek philosopher, who points downward to the earth. Aristotle presents a differing perspective, asserting that our knowledge is derived solely from our earthly experiences. It is my belief that Aristotle assumes the role of a literary patron saint, for it is through literature that we comprehend and describe the tangible world around us. Literature recognizes our limitations as flawed beings, acknowledging that absolute truths are beyond our reach. History, as chronicled by Aristotle, provides an account of past events, elucidating the specific, contingent, and singular occurrences. On the other hand, literary works, including poetry and epics, offer us a glimpse into the universal aspects of human existence, unveiling the "could of" and "should of" scenarios, thereby transcending the confines of individual instances and embracing the broader human condition.

In my instruction to students, I emphasize that literature stands in stark contrast to fake news. While fake news deceives by presenting falsehoods as truth and aims to manipulate belief, literature, on the other hand, employs imagination to acknowledge its fictitious nature and guides readers towards the truth. This notion aligns with Aristotle's conceptualization of literature. To illustrate this point, let us consider Shakespeare's renowned play, Hamlet. Within the narrative, Hamlet encounters a ghost, prompting skepticism among those who would dismiss it as a result of overindulgence or indigestion from the previous night's meal. Hamlet's deceased father implores him to avenge his death, yet Hamlet exhibits a reluctance to act without sufficient evidence. Consequently, he devises a plan to stage a play, known as the mousetrap, which mirrors the murder of the king, Claudius, Hamlet's uncle and his father's killer. It is during this performance that Claudius, deeply affected by the play's content, hastily departs, affirming Hamlet's suspicion. This imaginative scenario serves as a means to reveal the truth. Similarly, when I immerse myself in Dante's narrative of exile, I recognize its autobiographical nature, albeit in poetic form. While it remains uncertain if every event unfolded exactly as Dante depicted, the vividness and authenticity of his work enable me to envision myself within it. Literature, therefore, functions as a counterbalance, teaching readers to pose the appropriate inquiries. It does not purport to supply all the answers, for texts that claim to possess comprehensive solutions are disingenuous, as certain aspects of human existence elude definitive explanations. Grieving the loss of a spouse or single-handedly raising a child, for instance, lacks a prescribed guidebook.

The third aspect I wish to discuss pertains to the universal connections that are fostered through literature. We currently reside in an era characterized by multiculturalism, wherein we embrace and celebrate diverse ethnic identities. While this progress is commendable and worthy of full support, it is crucial to also consider the common threads that bind humanity together. What are the shared experiences and emotions that resonate with all individuals? For instance, let us examine this painting by Botticelli depicting St. Augustine, a historical figure who lived over 1600 years ago. In the year 398 AD, which can be likened to landing on Mars in terms of the vast differences in societal norms and living conditions, Augustine penned his memoir known as the "Confessions." It is remarkable to note that this ancient account continues to serve as a blueprint for autobiographical works even in our modern era. Augustine candidly addresses his struggles with earthly desires, including his addiction to sensual pleasures and his obsession with personal achievements. These themes, while exhibited through different contexts, are undeniably recognizable and relatable patterns. In fact, one might even jest that Augustine gives contemporary rock legend Keith Richards a run for his money with his captivating autobiography. This exemplar of autobiography spans back 1600 years and yet remains profoundly relevant today. Its endurance throughout time is nothing short of miraculous. I am reminded of a scene from the film "LA Story," in which Steve Martin points to a building over twenty years old and exclaims in awe. In comparison, this book, which is 1600 years old, not only stands the test of time but also continues to resonate with readers. It speaks to a fundamental aspect of our collective human experience, transcending cultural and temporal boundaries. In my personal journey, following the loss of my spouse, I sought solace in the reassurance that I was not alone. I found comfort in knowing that others had traversed similar paths of grief and emerged on the other side. This sense of universal connection, fostered through literature, serves as a testament to the power of storytelling and its ability to unite us as human beings.

The fourth concept I would like to address pertains to reading as a ritual. Let us consider Machiavelli, an Italian figure known for his controversial reputation. He authored "The Prince," a renowned book on political brinksmanship and gamesmanship. However, it is worth noting that Machiavelli had a genuine affection for literature. During his exile from Florence, he devoted approximately four hours each day to reading. In his own words, he would dress in his finest attire and enter a study where he felt warmly welcomed by the ancient literary figures present. This description highlights the ritualistic aspect of reading, wherein a profound transformation occurs within us. If I were to present you with a book at this very moment (some of you may even have one in your possession), it may merely seem like a collection of symbolic notations on pages. However, I often remind my students that they become co-authors, infusing life into the text. Each writer relies on a reader, and reading is the ritual that facilitates a significant impact, capable of fundamentally altering one's life. The final point I would like to emphasize pertains to the significance of narratives. The concept of storytelling, as elucidated by Harari in his book "Sapiens," is considered a defining attribute that sets humans apart from other creatures. Our capacity to convey stories and utilize narrative as a means of unification holds profound importance. Indeed, storytelling is comparable in significance to the opposable thumb, having played a pivotal role in shaping our species. Consider, for instance, the timeless work of Shakespeare, specifically the renowned story of Othello. In this narrative, Othello, an outsider in Venetian society and an individual considered mature for his time, finds himself wedded to Desdemona, the most sought-after woman in Venice. One could liken Desdemona's popularity to that of a modern-day Bachelorette. However, Othello becomes subject to accusations of enchanting her. Interestingly, Othello counters these allegations by stating that Desdemona's father had frequently invited him to recount his life story. As she attentively listened to his narratives, compassion and empathy for him grew within her, ultimately leading to her falling in love with him. Through the power of storytelling, Shakespeare effectively dismantles the prevailing prejudice surrounding Othello.

Once an individual like you and me becomes acquainted with someone else's personal narrative, it becomes impossible to perceive them merely as a category or a collective; one must acknowledge their humanity. Hence, in our present divided society, the importance of narratives has never been more crucial. The question arises: How can we internalize the five invaluable treasures of literature? I find the answer to be both straightforward and feasible. I have developed what I refer to as the "Rule of Four," a concept that consistently reminds me of my father, who, despite not being an avid reader, possessed an extraordinary command of language. He would articulate phrases such as, "You never know, Madeleine, what misfortune may befall you on your way to Albany," or employ poetic and evocative curses reminiscent of King Lear, like, "De beaujeu pas de la faccia knew gone and made a dog rip your face off." In his own unique manner, he exhibited the qualities of a true poet. The process of becoming a reader can be distilled into a simple formula: my Rule of Four. Visualize it as akin to exercising, taking a stroll, or ensuring a restful night's sleep. Dedicate four days each week, allocating 45 minutes per day, to immerse yourself in four different genres of books. First and foremost, indulge in your preferred kind of literature, whether it be romantic novels, the enchanting world of Harry Potter, or any other subject that captivates you. Secondly, explore contemporary authors who are transforming the realm of fiction and engaging in compelling dialogues. Thirdly, embrace the realm of nonfiction, recognizing that literature need not rely on fabrication to convey its significance. Finally, let one of these categories consist of a classic work of literature, be it the works of Wordsworth, Nietzsche, Virginia Woolf, or W.B. Dubois.

This harmonious blend of four literary categories will grant you access to the most splendid rewards of reading and transport you to what my cherished writer, Dante, referred to as the common ground uniting all readers; that is, a journey characterized by our extensive study and profound love. I would like to conclude with an anecdote regarding my experience in raising my daughter. After the considerable time it took to navigate the challenges following my wife's passing, the journey proved to be arduous. During this period, I heavily relied on the support of my extended family. However, what had truly brought us closer together, more so than any other factor, was the shared endeavor of reading together. Specifically, I vividly recall embarking on a complete journey through the Harry Potter series with my daughter. As we delved into the pages of those books, engrossed in the world of magic and adventure, I sensed a remarkable transformation within ourselves and our relationship. In the realm of intense studying and profound affection, it felt as if we were gradually reestablishing the bonds of a cohesive family unit once again. I express my deepest gratitude for the profound impact this experience had on us hidden gems of bookworms.

See also: https://mygodsentangels.com/

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