On Healthy Relationships 131

On Healthy Relationships 131

Chi Nguyen ·

I identify myself as a highly sensitive individual. In light of this information, what initial thoughts arise within you? Do you perceive me as someone who tends to be reserved and introverted? Alternatively, does the notion of heightened emotional responses come to mind? Alternatively, could it be that you feel inclined to exercise caution and delicacy in your interactions with me? The prevalent presumption regarding individuals with heightened sensitivity entails that we are inherently feeble and delicate beings who have drawn an unfortunate lot in the genetic lottery of existence. This observation becomes evident upon conducting an online search using the term "sensitive," where one encounters depictions of toothaches, irritated skin, withered dandelions, and weeping individuals. Evidently, sensitivity suffers from an evident public relations predicament. Presently, I endeavor to address this matter. Perhaps at this juncture, you find yourself inquisitive about the experience of being highly sensitive. I cordially extend an invitation to envision a life wherein all of one's senses remain in a constant state of heightened vigilance. Furthermore, within this existence, one possesses an exceptionally vivid inner realm wherein emotions are amplified to a considerable extent. Grief manifests as an overwhelming sorrow, while elation emerges as an unparalleled euphoria. Additionally, an individual of such sensitivity exhibits an unwavering capacity for compassion and empathy, unbounded by logical constraints. Envision the state of perpetual osmosis with one's surroundings. Individuals possessing a heightened sensitivity frequently encounter phrases such as: "You exhibit excessive sensitivity," "Cease internalizing everything," or, in my personal favorite, "You must develop a thicker skin." The underlying message is unequivocal: possessing a high degree of sensitivity equates to possessing significant flaws. I once concurred with this sentiment, perpetually convinced that I ought to be accompanied by a cautionary label or disclaimer: "Exercise caution; highly sensitive individual."

Allow me to present to you a selection of the advantages associated with possessing heightened sensitivity. Firstly, I possess an exceptionally active mind, leading to an inability to cease mental activity. Consequently, insomnia has become a steadfast companion in my life. This attribute proves particularly advantageous on the eve of delivering a TED talk. Additionally, I find myself incapable of enduring films of a frightful or violent nature, as their imagery tends to linger within me perpetually. I distinctly recall an incident from my childhood wherein I viewed the motion picture "Jaws," an experience so profoundly distressing that it prevented me from approaching swimming pools, let alone venturing into the sea, for a considerable number of years. Regrettably, I admit that I am akin to the fabled character "Princess of the Pea" when it comes to traveling and hotel accommodations. The mattress must attain a delicate balance, neither excessively firm nor exceedingly soft; it must be precisely calibrated. My father once jestingly suggested that to circumvent future travel-related inconveniences, I ought to consider transporting my own bed and pillow. I frequently pondered the question of the potential benefits that could accrue from my disposition. Gradually, the virtues associated with sensitivity stealthily revealed themselves to me. I have acquired an appreciation for the profound and effortless bonds I forge with others, as well as the unwavering guidance bestowed upon me by my robust intuition, akin to an infallible navigational system. At the age of 25, I encountered a transformative literary work that had a profound impact on my life: "The Highly Sensitive Person" authored by Dr. Elaine Aron. This enlightening book provided me with a means to articulate and comprehend my vividly intricate encounter with life, instilling within me a renewed sense of optimism as I discovered the existence of others who shared similar characteristics. Within its pages, Dr. Aron delineates the notion of highly sensitive people, commonly referred to as HSPs, as individuals possessing a genetic disposition known as sensory processing sensitivity. This phrase, in all its encompassing complexity, surprisingly encompasses a significant portion of the population, ranging from 15 to 20 percent.

Presently, she employs the remarkable acronym "DOES" to succinctly encapsulate the fundamental characteristics of Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs). The initial letter, "D," denotes "depth of processing." As individuals possessing the HSP trait, we possess an extraordinary capacity to engage in profound analysis of every aspect. An illustrative instance that resonates with me is what I refer to as the "Chinese restaurant syndrome." Essentially, we can devote up to an hour perusing an extensive 40-page menu, despite the high probability of ultimately selecting our preferred dish in advance. The term "O" denotes the state of "overstimulation". Individuals tend to experience a rapid sense of being overwhelmed by the myriad stimuli present in their surrounding environment. Being a native of Bavaria, I hold a deep appreciation for our traditional Oktoberfest celebration. However, regrettably, my personal capacity to endure such an event is limited to a mere hour, as I find myself utterly overpowered by the overwhelming fusion of aromas emanating from roasted chicken and cotton candy, coupled with the discordant melodies and the vast throngs of people. The intensity of sensory input exceeds my tolerable threshold, rendering it too burdensome for my senses to endure. The term "E" signifies "empathy," denoting the inherent ability of Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) to experience and internalize the emotions of others. This phenomenon parallels the sentiment expressed in an ancient Hebrew proverb, which posits that when an individual sheds tears, the empathetic counterpart can metaphorically perceive the taste of salt. Finally, the letter "S" represents the concept of "consciousness regarding subtleties." Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) possess a heightened sensitivity akin to a finely calibrated sensor, enabling them to perceive even the most minuscule details. Regrettably, this heightened sensitivity also manifests in their inclination to rouse others from sleep at the untimely hour of three in the morning, merely to convey the sound of a dripping tap emanating from the kitchen situated two floors below. Consequently, it becomes apparent that embodying the traits of an HSP encompasses a realm far beyond mere emotional reactivity.

I would like to acknowledge and discuss two prominent aspects concerning stereotypes associated with Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs). The initial presumption pertains to the perception that HSPs are essentially introverts seeking a more sophisticated label. However, it is crucial to recognize that a significant 30% of HSPs are, in fact, extroverts. Consequently, it becomes evident that categorizing them solely as "reserved wallflowers" is an oversimplification, as HSPs exhibit a diverse range of personalities and characteristics. Furthermore, owing to the perceived association of highly sensitive person (HSP) traits with femininity, there exists a prevalent assumption that HSPs are predominantly women. However, it is noteworthy to reveal that an equal proportion, namely 50%, of HSPs are, in reality, men. Within our societal framework, men are traditionally expected to embody characteristics of insensitivity, assertiveness, and competitiveness, while sensitivity is often disregarded. Regrettably, the notion that men possess the capacity to encompass both sensitivity and strength remains an unfamiliar and somewhat unaccepted concept. Presently, it is an opportune moment to convey that I hold the belief that Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) should not be regarded as superior or inferior to others, but rather as distinct individuals. Furthermore, I would like to emphasize that despite circulating speculations, HSPs are not affiliated with an exclusive association known as "The Special Snowflake Society." Additionally, there is no clandestine gesture or sign by which HSPs recognize one another. HSPs, much like the general populace, share commonalities, yet they perceive the world in a heightened manner. It is imperative to recognize that assuming all HSPs possess identical qualities is fallacious; indeed, no two HSPs are alike. Each HSP possesses a distinctive and individualized sensitive disposition, in addition to other factors that shape one's identity, such as gender, ethnicity, cultural background, and personal experiences. I would additionally like to assert that the condition of being an Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) should not be regarded as an ailment, nor should it be perceived as a matter of personal volition. Rather, it is an inherent genetic disposition. HSPs are fundamentally predisposed to experience the world in a more delicate manner. Whenever one admonishes an HSP for being "excessively sensitive," it is tantamount to criticizing an individual with blue eyes for possessing an excessive blueness in their ocular appearance. It is highly probable that, irrespective of how frequently such reproaches are conveyed, the observer will continue to perceive the same distinctively blue eyes when gazing upon them.

As a collective, our society has developed a tendency to perceive sensitivity as a flaw, an unfortunate vulnerability that interferes with our pursuit of increased optimization, detachment, and mechanization. Regrettably, we frequently diminish the value of idealists, dreamers, and creators. Nevertheless, this was not always the prevailing sentiment. In previous eras, philanthropists, philosophers, poets, artists, and painters were revered for their sensitive contributions to society. Consider the impact of individuals such as Leonardo Da Vinci, Mozart, Anaïs Nin, Balzac, Mother Teresa, and Gandhi. Without their presence, our world would undoubtedly lack vibrancy. It is not my contention that all highly sensitive persons (HSPs) are geniuses who shape the course of history. However, many HSPs possess a genuine inclination to foster connections and seek significance. Driven by their ability to feel the pain and suffering around them, they aspire to uplift the forgotten and aid the less fortunate. When HSPs conceal their sensitivity in order to conform, we all suffer. Would society not be impoverished without the pulsating heart of sensitive creation? Should we not value imagination, intuition, and empathy? I am convinced that we must promptly embrace and appreciate sensitivity for its ability to temper the frequently volatile nature of our world. I contend that individuals exhibit varying degrees and manifestations of sensitivity. Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs), in particular, occupy an extreme position on this spectrum. Consequently, the manner in which we conceptualize and communicate about sensitivity becomes pertinent to us all. It becomes imperative for our society to unite in an endeavor to reform the unfavorable cultural discourse surrounding sensitivity, thereby fostering a more positive narrative. It is necessary to dispel the notion that sensitivity represents a weakness, so as to fully harness its numerous inherent strengths. In effecting this transformation, we shall establish an inclusive environment wherein individuals feel secure in expressing their tender aspects, transcending the boundaries of HSPs alone.

How can we foster a resurgence of positive awareness and acceptance towards sensitivity? From a societal standpoint, I maintain that immediate attention must be directed towards effectuating crucial transformations within educational institutions and professional environments. In schools, it is imperative to enhance the training provided to educators, enabling them to adeptly identify and comprehend the needs of sensitive children. Moreover, it is essential for both parents and teachers to relinquish their well-intentioned yet misguided inclination to toughen these individuals in order to navigate the ostensibly harsh realities of the world. Attempting to forcibly mold sensitive individuals into something they are not is both futile and counterproductive. Similarly, at a corporate level, the existing system inherently favors individuals with assertive and unyielding characteristics. Given that sensitive individuals typically possess more reserved and cooperative attributes rather than being overtly competitive, they are often overlooked in the corporate hierarchy. To rectify this issue, we must cultivate an inclusive environment that fosters the growth and development of all personality types, rather than exclusively catering to a select few. Consequently, I firmly believe that corporations should actively embrace the inclusion of sensitive individuals, as their absence poses a significant risk to innovation, integrity, and ultimately, humanity. At an individual level, each of us has the capacity to exert influence by abstaining from passing judgment on the subtle variances in sensitivities exhibited by those in our vicinity. I implore you, when you find yourself inclined to utter the phrase, "You're too sensitive!" to someone, to cease momentarily and contemplate. Utilize that pause to foster comprehension. By doing so, you will realize that the mere act of embracing acceptance will engender a positive transformation for both parties involved. To my esteemed colleagues who identify as Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs), I implore you: maintain fortitude and embrace your true selves unapologetically. Cease your endeavors to develop a hardened exterior and desist from concealing your essence; for your intrinsic beauty is unparalleled. Refrain from succumbing to feelings of peculiarity, as it is not your character that should be called into question, but rather the moral fabric of a society wherein corruption, violence, and avarice reign supreme. Echoing the words of Krishnamurti, "The state of being well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society is not a measure of good health."

During my childhood, I harbored an ardent fondness for pursuing butterflies within the confines of our garden, wherein I developed a profound admiration for their delicate splendor. An innate desire to safeguard these creatures emerged within me, prompting me to ensnare them within petite mason jars replete with blades of grass and blossoms, intending to provide them a sanctuary within the confines of my personal quarters. However, it swiftly dawned upon me that butterflies abhor captivity, leading me to a realization: rescuing them was unnecessary, for their vibrant presence within the natural ecosystem was inherently harmonious and precisely as it should be. Likewise, Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) ought not to seclude themselves from the afflictions of this world within a sheltered enclosure. It is incumbent upon them to assume the responsibility of proactively imparting their delicate endowments to the entirety of humanity. In my conviction, as human beings, we are universally bound by our shared encounter of sensitivity and empathy. Furthermore, I do not subscribe to the notion that one must be an HSP in order to demonstrate concern and effect positive change. Presently, we find ourselves confronted with significant political, cultural, and environmental challenges. In light of this, it is imperative, now more than ever, to solicit the involvement of individuals possessing perceptive intellects and compassionate spirits. By embracing our inherent sensitivities, we can effectively address both personal and planetary afflictions. Taking inspiration from John Lennon, renowned for penning the profound sensitivity anthem "Imagine," I conclude by beseeching you: I implore you not to dismiss me as a mere idealist, for I am well aware that I am not alone in possessing such sensitivity. Maintain your faith that you will unite with me in our collective endeavor to cultivate a more compassionate world. I already extend my gratitude to you and your loving, dreaming heart.

See also: https://mygodsentangels.com/

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