I was discovered to have made a false statement. The day was quite eventful as it commenced with distressing news concerning my mother's cancer. Subsequently, I had forgotten that I had a scheduled meeting with my spouse, as we had jointly leased a storage facility to house a selection of our furniture. Upon arriving at the location, I hastily proceeded to the scene. However, upon my arrival, I was suddenly overwhelmed by an intense feeling of sorrow akin to being struck with a heavy weight. I commenced sobbing, and it is not my preference to shed tears. Moreover, I undoubtedly had the sensation that my emotional breakdown was conspicuous, and thus, I found myself disintegrating. As I lift my gaze, I observe my spouse approaching the vehicle, and at that moment, my physique immediately tenses up with feelings of panic and irritation. My spouse opened the car door, and I gazed upon him before communicating the instruction to depart and grant me a span of two minutes. Although perplexed, he complied and proceeded to depart. After a brief interval, he approached the vehicle and tapped on the window to inquire if he may enter. We arrived home in total silence after having traveled by car. I had erected a barrier of isolation between myself and my husband, which hindered our ability to connect on matters concerning my grief and sorrow. This wall persisted for a considerable duration of our 18-year-long marriage. I had recently found myself in a situation where I had identified the individual on this planet who harbors the most profound affection for me and with whom I ought to have the most intimate bond. As if the act of forcing my spouse out of the vehicle was not egregious enough, I subsequently resorted to deceit by providing false information to my eleven-year-old daughter. I arrived to pick her up from her after-school activity, and upon her entering the car, she directed her attention towards me and queried, "Mother, is something the matter?" In response, I assured her that everything was well, stating that I was merely fatigued. However, she persisted, asserting that I had been crying and urged me to be truthful with her. Despite her insistence, I reiterated that I was merely tired. Subsequently, during that evening, I engaged in a painful introspection, pondering the reason for my exertion of undue influence upon my husband and my dissembling behavior towards my daughter. I found myself questioning the source of my actions and their underlying motives. It struck me as ironic that I hold a license as a therapist, yet even I was struggling with such behavior.
I have a great passion for leading retreats for women across the globe and providing life coaching services. My experience in this field has enabled me to assist numerous individuals in establishing meaningful connections. However, despite my proficiency in this area, I find myself currently facing challenges in establishing connections myself. Then again, despite the fact that we are more connected than ever before, each and every one of us is also more isolated. We spend more time on our devices than we do with each other. We communicate through screens instead of face-to-face. We have more virtual friends than real ones. This digital way of living is not sustainable, and it's not good for our mental health. The aforementioned occurrence of mine has brought to my attention that the subject of connection is intricate and challenging. Despite my belief that I had a comprehensive understanding of this matter, I have come to acknowledge that there is still much for me to learn. This realization has fueled my enthusiasm for further exploration of the topic. Additionally, I recognize the significant implications that are associated with human connection, which has further intensified my interest. Human connection is the deep feeling of belonging and attachment that we experience when we share our lives with others. It's a fundamental human need that helps us to thrive and feel fulfilled. When we lack human connection, we can feel lonely, anxious, and depressed. In a world that is becoming increasingly digital and disconnected, the need for human connection has never been greater. While it's easy to blame technology for our lack of connection, the truth is that the problem starts with ourselves. To truly connect with others, we first need to connect with ourselves. We need to take the time to understand our own needs and emotions. We need to cultivate self-awareness and self-acceptance. When we are comfortable in our own skin, we are better able to connect with others.
Since 1999, there has been a 33 percent increase in the suicide rate. Just as the rate of teenage suicide has increased by 70 percent (70%)! According to scientific research, the state of being alone and experiencing a lack of social connection, commonly referred to as "loneliness," has a more significant negative impact on one's health than the combined effects of smoking, obesity, and high blood pressure. Depression stands as a prominent contributor to the prevalence of disability on a global scale. In 1985, 10% of individuals reported having no intimate confidant to communicate with, whereas presently, the percentage has risen to 25%. Scientific evidence and statistical data indicate that human interaction can be a potent solution to address many of the issues arising from this trend. Our neural circuitry is inherently programmed to seek out and engage in social interaction, as evidenced by the activation of the reward centers in the brain upon experiencing connection with others. Therefore, we especially need to be intentional about the connections we make with others. It's not enough to have a large social media following or a list of contacts in our phone. We need to invest time and energy in building meaningful relationships with people who support us, challenge us, and inspire us. When we connect with others, we need to be present and engaged. We need to listen actively, show empathy, and be vulnerable. We also need to be willing to share our own experiences and emotions, even when it's uncomfortable. Interacting intimately and honestly with one's friends, family, and community has been found to strengthen the immune system, facilitate faster recovery from diseases, and increase lifespan. The establishment of interpersonal bonds and social interaction significantly reduces the incidence of anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation among individuals. It is imperative for each of us to enhance our capacity to connect with others. However, the question that arises is: how can we achieve this goal?
From my perspective, the fundamental principles of humanity can be distilled into three core values: the provision of adequate space for the expression of our emotions, an unwavering commitment to honesty, and the recognition that we are not solitary beings in this world. Because it just goes to show you, that human connection is a two-way street. We need to be willing to give as well as receive. We need to be willing to show up for others, even when it's inconvenient or uncomfortable. We need to be willing to be vulnerable and share our own struggles, so that others know they are not alone. Upon realizing that I had secluded my spouse and deceived my daughter, I became aware of the necessity to investigate the root cause of my profound fear towards forming emotional bonds. I was aware that I required a deliberate attempt to decelerate my swift-paced lifestyle, filled with work, children, and responsibilities. It was necessary for me to transition from a state of contemplation to one of emotional connection in order to discern my sentiments during the instance in which I was present in that vehicle. Self-connection means taking the time to nurture our own well-being anyway. It means doing things that make us feel good, like exercise, meditation, or creative pursuits. When we take care of ourselves, we are better able to show up for others. Commencing with taking walks in the woods with my canine companion, I embarked on a journey of creating space for my emotions. During this process, it dawned on me that when I experience anxiety, it is imperative to pause and take deep breaths while centering myself and becoming grounded. This is necessary as I must first establish a connection with myself before attempting to connect with others, particularly in instances where I am feeling insecure or inadequate. It is imperative for me to recall that at the fundamental level of my being, I possess sufficient worth. I also implore all of you to bear in mind that, irrespective of circumstances, you too hold adequate value at the fundamental level of your own being.
Through allowing ample space for my emotions, I have come to realize a highly valuable lesson regarding the nature of human connection. Specifically, it is through embracing and interconnecting all of our emotions - both positive and negative - alongside our achievements and setbacks, as well as our pleasures and pains, that we are enabled to love and connect with others. Upon commencing to allow sufficient room for my emotions, I discerned the necessity of initiating veracious communication. This is when my daughter and I commenced our activity. I summoned her and admitted, "You caught me in a falsehood. You were correct that day in the car. I was experiencing melancholy and had been shedding tears." At that moment, she began scrutinizing me intently and began to pump her fist exultantly, proclaiming, "Yes, I knew I was correct! I'm immensely proud of myself for catching you. I knew that you were feeling despondent." The response elicited from her caused both of us to burst into uncontrollable laughter, forging a deep connection that surpassed my prior attempts to conceal the truth from my daughter. Could you envision the activation of the reward centers within our cerebral cortex during that particular moment? The genuineness exhibited by my eleven-year-old daughter has imparted invaluable lessons to me regarding the potency of human interactions.
Finally, it is imperative to recall that human beings are inherently programmed to establish connections as it is an integral component of our genetic makeup. The establishment of human connections serves the purpose of providing love and solace to those who are suffering from the agony of loneliness and isolation. It is essential to recognize that we are not solitary entities but rather interconnected individuals who share a common thread of existence. Following my storage unit dysfunction and my rekindled desire to enhance my capacity for connection, I became cognizant of the necessity to put into practice what I have advocated for a professionally considerable period of time. I initiated a bilateral exchange with individuals at coffee houses and grocery stores, as well as during events related to my children, centered on a singular inquiry: when do you truly experience a sense of connection? During the commute to school, an acquaintance of my daughter, who is 11 years old, shared with me an insightful observation. She conveyed that her sense of connectedness is heightened when she is in the company of an individual with whom she shares an intense emotional bond, to the extent that verbal communication becomes unnecessary. The candid and unfiltered nature of her remark struck a chord with me, and I found myself forming an immediate connection with her upon hearing her perspective. Another courageous individual conveyed to me that they are aware of moments when they fail to establish a connection with others. According to her, such instances usually coincide with instances when she engages in gossiping. She admitted to indulging in gossip as a means of satisfying her desire for connection, albeit without feeling secure enough to discuss personal matters. She expressed guilt in this regard, admitting to having succumbed to this behavior in a quest for validation, recognition, and attention. It is highly probable that we have all resorted to gossiping at some point in search of social bonds.
In conclusion, the need for human connection is essential for our well-being. It starts with ourselves, by cultivating self-awareness and self-acceptance. We then need to be intentional about the connections we make with others, investing time and energy in building meaningful relationships. When we connect with others in a genuine and authentic way, we can experience the deep sense of belonging and attachment that we all crave. Let us consider the potential positive ripple effect that would arise if we were all to enhance our capacity for interpersonal connection. If we were to depart from this location today and make a solemn commitment to grant adequate room to all of our emotions, including the ones that evoke discomfort, and if we were to commence the practice of disclosing our genuine thoughts instead of uttering commonplace phrases such as "I am fine" or "I'm great", we would gain insight into the fact that we are not solitary beings. Even during our bleakest moments, when we might feel like a hindrance or unwanted by others, we must acknowledge that we are not alone. The lesson I have learned is that there can be a profound transformation when I summon the courage to engage in a sincere and candid heart-to-heart conversation. With the knowledge that I have acquired, I am now capable of reenacting the scene that took place at the storage unit. I was seated in my automobile, when I was suddenly struck by a wave of grief. As I looked up, I beheld my spouse approaching me, and despite the passage of time, I still experienced a sense of trepidation. However, I was considerably more composed, and upon his arrival at the vehicle, I implored him to enter and expressed my need for his presence. I expressed my profound gratitude for his assistance; and yours as well for listening with such sympathy.
See also: https://mygodsentangels.com/