Most of us would agree that developing a great relationship requires effort. Have you ever stopped to consider why only a few people seem to effortlessly have amazing relationships? Could it be attributed to luck, privilege or something more? A common issue people face is not knowing what tasks to prioritize and focus on. For more than two decades, we have been observing the common characteristics behind every successful relationship. As such, we would like to share these four simple yet essential habits with you in the following fifteen minutes. It's wonderful to know that cultivating certain habits can lead to having a great relationship. Everyone has the capability to learn and incorporate these habits into their life, which would subsequently help in improving the quality of any relationship. Taking the first step is essential if you wish to make progress. If you do not take action, it is highly unlikely that any tangible results will arise.
During a Sunday lunch, we were reminded of the habits needed to ensure a successful relationship. Without these essential elements, it is likely that any existing relationships may face difficulties. Thus, it is important to make sure they are present in order for your connections to flourish. At the social gathering, we got along really well with Rachel and Steve since we all had something in common - our city backgrounds. We had invited them over, and it was a pleasant experience for us. During our lunch meeting with Steve about his new business venture, we noticed that Rachel seemed discontent. We invited them to join us for the meal in order to discuss the plans and ideas but Rachel's demeanor suggested she was unhappy. As I leaned closer to Rachel, I asked her opinion on a business idea of mine. Her response made it clear that she had no clue about the topic as my partner never bothered to include her in these conversations. John and I exchanged glances, indicating that we were both aware of how important the situation was that we were about to face. In an unexpected turn of events, the paper covering the cracks in the wall suddenly peeled off. This sparked feelings of frustration, disappointment and anger inside me. Steve had to work away from home extensively and when he did come back on weekends, he would sleep in the living room instead of the bedroom. This was a cause of distress for his family. Steve then revealed a shocking revelation that if it weren't for those two boys, he would have abandoned you a while ago. For Sunday's lunch, we decided to prepare something spicier than usual. Unfortunately, the spice level turned out to be a bit higher than expected! To recap, Rachel & Steve's story is not uncommon, and reflects the experiences of many people around the world.
I'd like to present some data to you so that you can understand the wider picture better. Divorce rates in the developed countries are at about 40%, while breakups among couples who live together have a higher rate of up to 70%. This means that almost half (50%) of all couples in long-term relationships eventually don't make it. Studies suggest that either you or the person sitting next to you is likely either Rachel or Steve. Let's take a moment to think about how concerning that is! Living through such traumatic events has become a reality for many people and this can take a toll on their mental health. The emotional distress associated with these experiences can overflow and lead to further mental issues. In 2016, the Mental Health Foundation released a report which stated that the lack of quality relationships can have more devastating health effects than obesity and physical inactivity combined. This is an alarming warning that should not be taken lightly. The effects of this advancement are extending to the younger generations too, creating a ripple effect of rather negative change. According to research conducted by the Marriage Foundation, family breakdown is the most important factor in predicting teenage mental health. According to research, if a couple separates, the children in their family are more likely to suffer from mental health issues compared to those who have parents that stay together. This risk increases by 10-15 percent. It's no surprise that the most significant increase of mental health issues is in the range of 16 to 24 year old humans based on recent data. This statistic helps explain why mental health has become a more prevalent topic today. There is undoubtedly a financial cost associated with family breakdown in the UK; it is estimated that UK taxpayers are spending an astonishing £51 billion each year, which is nearly half of what it costs to fund the National Health Service.
Relationship breakdown is a huge challenge to overcome. To address the problem effectively, we need to take steps to create preventive measures and barriers before it becomes too overwhelming and requires more drastic intervention at a later stage. Borrowing a phrase from medical science, "what we need here are better fences at the top of the cliffs rather than just more ambulances at the bottom." Having certain habits in a relationship can serve as a protection barrier against events that could potentially harm it. Such habits are common to all relationships and help them to overcome the obstacles that life throws their way. There are plenty of changes in life that can have an impact on the amount of time spent away from home. They could be personal, such as deciding to live together or having a child, or else work-related, such as being promoted to a role that entails more hours at the office. As a result, some of the challenges that people encounter in the workplace include unmet expectations, inadequate conflict resolution, conflicting leadership styles, lack of trust between colleagues, respect issues and communication breakdowns. In order to achieve success in life, it is necessary to have the right tools and skills to overcome difficult challenges and obstacles. This becomes even more critical in situations where one might be subject to abuse. Having the right support system can help one get through such hurdles smoothly; When faced with multiple challenges, people tend to get frustrated and may eventually part ways with each other. This is often the result of being unable to figure out how to overcome obstacles standing in their way. Drawing from our two decades of experience, we have determined that embracing these four habits can help you overcome any challenges you might face. It's not necessary to be perfect but it is essential to be mindful in establishing good habits. This will help ensure that you are working towards success, no matter how small the steps may seem. Would it be alright if we discussed our habits? Absolutely!
Being curious instead of critical is one way to help you better manage the frustration that can arise when expectations are not met. Encouraging an attitude of curiosity is a healthy habit that can come in handy in challenging situations. It all started thirty years ago when Andrew and I met in a business school abroad. We both were working towards our master's degrees, and I happened to get my MBA as well. This was something we learned through our own experiences the hard way. Despite my current hairstyle, that was me back then. We started our business together with high hopes and it took only a few months before things started to take a downward turn. We quickly realized that our diverse working styles were causing tension, and with all of our eggs in one basket, the financial strain was immense. Even the simplest tasks can turn into disagreements between couples, like whether the toilet seat should be up or down. For us, however, the state of our desks was a major indicator of how well things were going - one desk was very organized and one was more like organized chaos. Back in the day, the only computer we had at school was a single desktop. Moving desks to use it was quite a challenge and issues often cropped up while doing so. But now that we work and stay together 24/7, problems can follow us home too. During our time apart, so many nights were filled with awkwardness, where we would lay on opposite ends of the bed and not even interact. This lack of interaction extended to all physical contact - even something as small as touching feet wasn't on the cards back then. Einstein once said that you cannot overcome an issue with the same frame of mind that caused it. This is especially applicable when looking at ways to repair existing issues, as simply covering up the cracks won't resolve the underlying problem. We were feeling frustrated and helpless, so we thought of a way to alter our mindsets and outlooks. We decided to look into different approaches of challenging these habits we have. In our quest to figure out the source of our dissatisfaction, we discovered a resource that made us realize how underexplored & underutilized our best qualities were and why there was an imbalance. Developing a curious attitude instead of being overly critical is the foundation for success. Taking the time to understand and play to our strengths, rather than focusing on what sets us apart, helps us grow. Doing so allows us to maximize our potential and not waste energy on criticism.
Therefore, it is important to be mindful of the different approaches taken by both parties during conflict resolution. This will help in effectively navigating through any differences that may exist and ultimately lead to a successful resolution. Our instinctive fight-or-flight reaction is often used to look after ourselves instead of looking out for others. These "fight or flight" responses leads us to prioritize our own needs and interests over anything else. To be successful in conflict resolution, we need to develop the skills that enable us to respond more effectively. This would involve reprogramming our automatic responses and developing habits which prevent us from escalating conflicts: In order to foster strong interpersonal relationships, we need to show compassion and understanding to each other during times of difficulties, even if we are upset with one another. This can help us reach meaningful resolutions together. To prevent ourselves from repeating the same mistakes in conflict situations, we developed a set of rules or guidelines to control our behavior. This enabled us to handle disagreements better and make sure that similar issues don't arise again. We had established that we would never resort to physical violence, nor enter the house angrily, and definitely not threaten divorce out of spite. Thus, setting out a foundation for a mutual understanding between us. It is inevitable that we will sometimes experience feelings of disappointment and frustration towards each other. However, we need to remember that these moments are only temporary. It's normal to disagree sometimes and it shows that you care about something. So, if someone insists they never argue, it could mean they either don't feel strongly enough about certain topics or that they are simply not telling the truth. Developing good habits such as being mindful of how we interact with each other, having constructive arguments and showing care can help us develop the skills necessary to work collaboratively and come out of difficult situations stronger.
The third habit to practice in order to maintain respectful relationships is "asking don't assuming". Asking questions will prevent mistrust and frustration, and can help avoid any disrespect that may come up. After further examination, it was found that Rachel and Steve were struggling with deep-seated issues related to how each of them were showing respect for one another in their relationship. Even though Steve and his wife both originated from the same cultural background, Steve held a very traditional worldview. As such, he expected his spouse to adhere to a traditional lifestyle and provide him with the same care & attention that his mother did for his father. He had high hopes for Rachel, expecting her to become close friends with his mother and gain valuable insight into how to be the perfect wife for him. Rachel, on the other hand, was astonished at the idea that something like Steve's parent's relationship could ever come to exist between them. She found it unimaginable. The group soon realized that they lacked certain information to properly come up with solutions. In order to help them comprehend the situation better, we furnished them with information pertaining to mutual respect and how to agree on roles & responsibilities during different stages of life. We were amazed when Steve sent me a text within the week of thanking us for our help in tackling some significant issues and aiding them in having meaningful conversations that have not taken place for years. A key part of having successful interactions with others is the ability to have courageous conversations and ask questions rather than making assumptions or relying on preconceived notions. That is why habit number three encourages people to get good at having these meaningful discussions.
The fourth habit is 'Connect before you correct' and focuses on communication & expressing value & appreciation for others. It also encourages us to refrain from providing too much constructive feedback that can be viewed as criticism. Working closely with someone day after day can lead to taking them for granted and always being critical. It is important to appreciate and recognize their contributions as it can help maintain a healthy relationship. It is often said that when people feel appreciated, they will stay. This is why creating an environment where everyone feels welcomed and valued can encourage people to stick around. To maintain a good relationship, we need to consciously find suitable actions that cultivate mutual trust and understanding. This could range from creating new experiences to breaking out of the ordinary. We are known to take a break from our hectic work schedule by disappearing in the middle of the day to watch a movie after having conducted an intense workshop. Even after 25 years of marriage, date night is still an essential part of our relationship. We keep the connection alive by making sure we have time for fun, excitement and intimacy. We shouldn't let the everyday responsibilities of our lives consume us and neglect the joys and wonders life has to offer. We chose to live life for more than just doing chores, talking about children, cooking or doing laundry. Life needs to be filled with magic. One of the most important habits to practice in a relationship is connection. Before jumping into correcting or to be real, it's important to first connect with your partner in the context of everyday conversations. Doing so can help create stronger bonds that will even extend into the bedroom. It is important to remember that healthy relationships begin by connecting with one another before correcting. This encourages mutual understanding and respect and can greatly contribute to more productive conversations.
Now pay attention: we're not just suggesting these habits for the sake of having them; they can actually save lives. It's vital to build and cultivate these four specific habits in your everyday life. Two weeks after we had initially met Rachel and Steve, we caught up with them over coffee and noticed marked improvement in their relationship. They were holding hands, laughing, and appeared to be in a better place. All signs pointed to the fact that their story was taking a much happier turn. As everyone opened up and spoke more about their experiences, we were taken aback by Rachel. As she described her emotions, she left us all in shock when she suddenly paused and said "I had considered the possibility of Steve getting a divorce and the thought prompted me to write him a letter. I offered him my support for his efforts in taking care of their sons and wished for his well-being despite all that he has gone through." Through a chance encounter and some shared information, our friends could have had a terrible event happen right in front of us, if not for being informed. The harsh truth of having to face the reality of a relationship breakdown hit hard that day. It has the power to cause immense emotional pain and, in some cases, can even be fatal. We have been pleased to observe that Rachel and Steve are performing well. However, we have started to ask ourselves how many more Rachels could be out there that we are unaware of. With the increasing attention given to mental health & wellbeing, it is puzzling why relationship building is still so often left to chance. How can we ensure that people are properly supported in their relationships?
Everyone dedicates their resources to things they consider important, such as education, homes, and retirement funds. These investments help ensure a secure future and provide a sense of stability in the present. Many of us may not realize how crucial it is to invest in our relationships. Nonetheless, we should all recognize the huge potential that comes from doing so and dedicate our resources to building strong connections. If everyone practiced the habits of being more curious than critical, mindful rather than rushing to judgement, asking questions instead of just assuming and seeking to create connections instead of focusing on the negative aspects in life, what a difference it would make to our world! It is important to cultivate and uphold good habits in order to ensure that our relationships can not only survive but thrive. This applies to individuals, families, companies and nations alike. If we all take responsibility and cultivate positive habits in our relationships, it can lead to a better world for our future generations. Taking this responsibility seriously can help create a more harmonious planet.
See also: https://mygodsentangels.com/