On a sunny and warm day in 2011, Prince William and Kate Middleton's Royal Wedding drew a million people to central London as they joined together in matrimony. I was among them, witnessing the ceremony first-hand. Their joy and optimism about William and Kate's future was palpable when I interviewed those around me — but it wasn't just their outlook on the newlyweds' future that impressed me: many expressed tremendous optimism for their own. Anyone can relate to Kate Middleton, who married a prince despite not being royal. Her story has provided belief and hope for people, that even if one is a commoner, it doesn't mean they cannot marry royalty. That day, as this girl became a princess, there was an immense feeling of excitement within the crowd. Hearing her exclamation of "Oh, I'm becoming a princess!", one could only imagine what thoughts were going through her mind this morning when she was shaving her legs. Everybody dreams of being a Princess and having a Princess's life. As for Kate Middleton, she was living a life no different than us - that is until she tied the knot with Prince William. Every one of us fantasize about such an opportunity, and for Kate, it actually happened! Growing up, I too was regaled with incredible tales of undying love and endless joy. Stories of true love, passion and "happily ever after" has become my source of inspiration in my ever growing imagination. From the classic tales of Cinderella and Snow White, you could consider them a step-by-step guide in transforming your poor and downtrodden life into a better one, as symbolized by the castle in the sky. Watching these movies can be like reading a real instruction manual! When I was younger, I had a strong belief that one day I would find someone who would take me away to a world of contentment and security. Together, we'd soar off into the sunset! But by the time of the Royal Wedding, I had sadly come to realize that love would no longer be enough to save me.
My heart has been hardened when it comes to romance, having ceased its away romantic longing long ago. Yet all of this is not derived from a bad love affair. In fact, it could be said that I could not ask for a better companion in my life. For two decades, I have been a professor, teaching a course on the sociology of heterosexuality - which has helped to shape my approach to understanding this complex area of study. My book about romance has brought me to some fascinating places, from the glittering Royal Wedding to the spooky vampire tourism hotspots of Italy and everywhere in between. To gain further insight, I've spoken with over a hundred young people from North America who are planning their very own weddings. For all these years, I have been teaching and writing about romance and learned some important lessons. Additionally, understanding of the intricate details at play in any passionate relationship is essential. It is fascinating how relationships can manifest when two hearts open up to one another - for me, there is nothing more moving than that. Romance has certainly come a long way since its inception; it is now considered something that is heavily influenced by the modern age. My first impression on the matter was that understanding romance in today's world would be no small feat. Romance has its roots in stories like Guinevere and Lancelot, or Romeo and Juliet, however these tales were not centered around a marital tie. It wasn't until recently that strong romantic ties as part of matrimony showed up in popular culture. A knight and his Lady had a close bond, even though circumstances mandated that she stay faithfully married to her Lord. Likewise, the timeless tale of Romeo and Juliet is a story about going against one's family's wishes. It stands as an iconic example, proving that great lengths can be taken for true love. Generally speaking, pre-modern love stories did not typically have a happy ending. In fact, in many cases there were dire consequences – often involving, between one of the lovebirds getting hurt and even everyone dying, for those involved in a passionate affair.
That romantic notion of love today, that dream of seeing our soul mate across a busy room, of having a surge in the stomach when we do, feeling the explosions around us when we kiss and then marry them and live happily ever since; this modern dream is something that is just not seen up until the 19th century. Sometime around 1850 could have marked the beginning of modern romance, particularly when Esther Howland in Worcester, Massachusetts made her first Valentine's Day cards. Romantic love may have begun as a consequence of capitalism, and this is reflected in the Valentine's Day cards created by Ms. Howland, who was never actually married herself and to whom marriage was not important. Our authentic human emotions have been commodified under Capitalism, turning them into something we can purchase. In joining capitalism and romance together, Ms. Howland’s business has encouraged a blossoming relationship over the years. In capitalism, the tale is of love: a dream of romance airbrushed onto a stark material reality. Capitalism sells us this illusion, blinding our minds to the complexities and difficulties of true circumstances. Romance isn't something that most people who have studied capitalism have paid much attention to. Karl Marx proposed that the cause of capitalism stemmed from a change in modes of production, while Max Weber asserted it derived from Protestantism and an extreme belief that God was supporting the acquisition of wealth. Romance has had a key role in the success of capitalism; without it, its chances for success would have been much less than they proudly are now.
Romance and capitalism have been functioning perfectly in synchronicity, like a perfectly lubricated engine. Love Inc., as we'll call our engine, encourages us to persevere and remain focused now so that we can reap the rewards later, except the ultimate goal isn't necessarily more money or goods; it's finding true love and ultimately living happily ever after. The right choices need to be made in order to create a future that we want. We have to make sure we buy the proper toothpaste, clothing, engagement ring, and wedding dress, and even watch certain TED talks while we are at it. Modern romance, which isn't natural, is something I have learned. It's different from former days when it was not as socially accepted to find and develop relationships outside of strict gender rules. Nowadays while lovers of the same sex get civil recognition, people looking for a relationship often find the social responsibility challenging. Birds, bees, and even educated fleas have been known to do it, according to Cole Porter's songs; yet I remain doubtful. Just as we have to learn to believe in one god over another, so too must we learn to believe in our path to happiness that is romantic love. No one is born with the desire to envision a white wedding dress costing about 1,300 dollars, a diamond ring for around 5,600 dollars, or to even exchange gifts and cards for Valentine's Day. In the United States, 17.6 billion dollars is spent annually. This translates to an immense amount of money taken out of pocket each year. We must be educated to develop a desire for things such as an interest in learning, a passion for creativity, and an eagerness to explore. We understand the emotions of love from various sources such as our culture, films, music and literature. We learn how to feel connected to each other through these elements. From our governments, we have even learned how to fall in love via the laws that are put in place: who can be married, who cannot, and what comes as a result of that union in terms of rights and privileges. Believing in romance is often seen as an integral part of life today, as our economy depends on it to drive sales of products and services. The idea of romance has been shaped over time by the influence of literature, movies and music, making it a common theme that many can relate to.
Romance isn't about promises and expectations, instead it’s about embracing experiences and operations together. That's what I've discovered from my observations of others and from my own personal journey. We don't go into a relationship seeking perfection, rather it’s one where both persons can learn and teach each other. Romantic love is often declared as "natural" and "all we need" - a smoke screen which masks the ideological work it tries to do. However, it is difficult to observe this very same "work" that it attempts to do. Romance is a form of propaganda, just like many other ideologies; using phrases such as "love is blind" to trick us into looking positively towards our futures. This stops us from recognizing certain issues such as the gap in wealth or focusing on protecting the environment. Love may at times be passionate and thrilling, but it is certainly not the kind of emotion which involves closing one's eyes to the faults and failings of another. On the contrary, it is a feeling that requires seeing another person clearly, warts and all. In the United States, marriage is largely within class and race; it is thus this rare for individuals to marry outside these pre-delineated boundaries. Marriage today in the US has become associated largely with a symbol of its outcome. It has acquired the respectability of exuding an expression akin to wearing a Rolex watch, thereby implementing distinction and elevating one's standing within their social class. This marriage choice, although optional, is generally taken up by the college-educated, wealthier and whiter population. In both America and especially Europe, only a minority of adults are married. White weddings have now become increasing expensive, more than ever. Thus, brides and grooms spend a substantial amount of money in making it perfect, since the cost of renting a suitable wedding venue and all the associated services are on a high rise. The economic crisis did not prevent US wedding costs from rising, with the average expense now amounting to a figure of 30,000 dollars. The average cost of weddings in big cities like New York is even higher than other parts of the country, up to as much as $86,000. In comparison to the average cost of marriage ceremonies elsewhere, this big city wedding trend is a dramatic increase, like almost double or even triple than usual. The difference for a black family when it comes to median household income can be seen in context: the median household income in the US is approximately 52,000 dollars, whereas for a black family it is roughly 38,000 dollars.
Even though romantic love might seem to promise the “happily ever after” of the perfect relationship and ideal family, finding your one true love and having that perfect wedding does not guarantee that this will be the outcome. Since the end of World War II in the US, there has been this dream of having a married life, with a white picket fence and getting yourself a house in the suburbs, to eventually have 2.3 children. The US government also provided a sizable help to war veterans in realizing their dream of owning a home with subsidized zero-interest loans for housing. The nuclear family, though portrayed as a stable and secure way of life, often felt like little more than an unattainable dream, rather than something people would actually experience. The nuclear family, mistakenly labeled as the "traditional" family by some conservative commentators, was actually a creation that emerged during the nuclear age and not many other times before. Nowadays, with fewer than 20% of Americans living in a family setup consisting of two married parents and children, this marks a significant decrease from the approximately 40% of the 1940s and 1950s. Romance has cleverly kept us searching by peddling an illusion that is almost impractical, the ideal of what we could have. If only we had found that special someone or the perfect house, with its picturesque picket fence, then our happy ending would be within reach.
Love may not be blind, but it still isn't the only thing we need. Far from being all that is important, other factors such as shared values, common goals and a strong connection must also be taken into consideration. Approximately 45.3 million people in the United States, as well as nearly 1 in every 5 children, live in poverty. Food, shelter, and water are essential for people to have in order to survive. These key components provide the necessary sustenance and comfort required for any living creature. We all urgently need meaningful work, livable wages and social justice; plus, we must come together to effectively combat climate change using our combined energies. Equality of the races and genders is integral to realizing these ideals. We seek peace - a lasting and peaceful resolution might be possible – one that can bring contentment and open up new possibilities. We recognize that in order to achieve this, progress is required from all sides in order to move away from trials of hardships and pain endured, towards enhancing pathways of reconciliation. Even though we may find our own blissful future, the future itself could be perilous. No matter what happens, our outcome may not be certain. Romantic relationships are seen as a source of hope and the solution for many of life's difficult problems. Yet, all our efforts are focused on cultivating these romantic relationships instead of facing critical issues in our lives head-on. The time and resources invested in finding true love can be better spent addressing a myriad of other challenges, as an alternative to this capitalist manner of love.
In terms of romance, I’ve realized four important things by now: the fourth truth ironically being that it could end up hindering our future. Romance gives us a sense of hope and optimism, but it may also trap us in personal and isolating lives. Instead of pursuing individual relationships that can't fix the urgent problems of humanity, we need real collective and worldwide solutions. This issue has occurred due to numerous factors, including an inadequate attention to detail and a lack of resources, combined with unexpected challenges. Several issues have been playing a role in the emergence of this problem, such as an insufficiency of awareness for details, combined with absent resources and unforeseen difficulties. Our shift from believing in a shared future to an obsession with our own private happy endings can be attributed to a variety of factors. These include increased individualism and a desire for control over one's own life, as well as economic and social conditions that limit one's ability or willingness to think of the collective good. Neoliberalism, a new form of capitalism, privatized nearly all facets of life, from education and healthcare to the course of our future, and leading us to this current situation of ours. Reagan was the starting point of this new form of capitalism in the US. This interpretation of modern economics unfolded under Reagan's focus, affecting so many aspects of our lives today. Romance flourished during the uptake of Reaganomics. The era prospered well when this specific economic plan was put into effect by then-president Ronald Reagan. Just six months after the inauguration of President Ronald Reagan, Charles, Prince of Wales proclaimed his love for Lady Diana Spencer and held a fairy tale wedding in celebrating their union. Millions of people around the world tuned in for a historic event — the televised "Wedding of the Century" between Lady Diana Spencer and Prince Charles, which was held on July 29, 1981. An estimated total of 750 million viewers watched as these two proudly announced their vows at St Paul's Cathedral in London. The atmosphere was akin to a Walt Disney fairytale - as described by one BBC commentator.
Likewise, in the 1980s, Disney was in a slump, but it soon recovered with a new focus on reviving its romantic filmmaking. Disney had not seen good business for non-romantic films like "Honey, I shrunk the kids" and "Oliver and Company." However, exploration of its romantic roots proved successful with the box office successes of 1989; "The Little Mermaid" along with "Pretty Woman" were two such hits. Love is truly blind and never fails to bring us a better future, no matter the cost. This idea is brilliantly portrayed in the two films that you have just read about, convincing us that even if we must distance ourselves from our families and communities, love's power will find a way through. Disney profits rose by 35%, and videocassette sales increased by an even higher 57%, thanks to the success of these movies. If you aren't familiar with what videocassettes are, a quick search will help give you the answers you need. The wealth in the US has become increasingly concentrated amongst the top 10% due to decades of implementation of Reagan-era economic policies. This sector now holds a staggering 80% share of the total wealth. According to a recent report, 47% of income was earned by the top 1% of people. This data indicates that the majority of income inequality is concentrated in the hands of a few individuals. It has been recently stated by an economist exploring global wealth disparity, that this level of income inequality not only harms economic growth, but also provides a few wealthy people their own influences on politics. The US government though has already experienced an outcome related to what is mentioned; specifically, a circumstance wherein a certain oligarchy maintains extensive control over legislative and/or executive spheres for an extended period of time. Romance often 'seduces' people into pursuing their own goals or aspirations, which can unintentionally lead to a redistribution of wealth. This happens when individuals pour resources into building private wealth for their own futures rather than reflecting larger social priorities. If we want a happy ending, we must imagine that by falling in love, we can all enter a better world together.
When global capitalism rose, we've held onto romance as if it were our prince – a savior to protect the world's inner princess from the impending destruction of an evil witch. Romance was well suited to fulfill the emotional labor given the new type of capitalism, becoming the source of refuge for many. Love is worth examining in depth because not only is it not innate or universal, it also requires careful scrutiny. Romances don't delve into reality, but rather they explore the realm of fantasies. Instead of dealing with what's real, these stories take us on a journey to imagine something more ideal. Divorces, unhappiness and financial losses should not be taken into consideration. Consequently, we should instead focus on activities and sentiments that will improve the overall well-being instead of concentrating on things that do not yield fruitful outcomes. In the midst of our search for the ideal romance, we have actively chosen to ignore global climate change and the far-reaching implications it has on a world-wide redistribution of wealth. This imbalance primarily affects those with limited resources, often making life increasingly difficult. Romance extends its benefits to everyone; those who are wealthy or not, those with different racial backgrounds, and any sexuality, a promise to the entirety of humanity. No matter how many times you may have failed at love, never give up—there is still someone meant for you. Despite your age and past worries in the romance department, keep searching; your perfect partner awaits. Although you may currently feel that poverty has left you with no way out, dare to dream and envision a life in the future where perhaps one day, even if it's practically impossible right now, you could wed a prince. You can achieve the fairy tale ending you are hoping for if you practice good romance and buy the right products. All you have to do is follow the necessary rules and your dream outcome is on its way!
No wonder there is disenchantment among so many of us. Many are overwhelmed by impersonal technology, have to learn new skills on far too short a timescale, hear only fearmongering rhetoric on global threats and juggle with never-ending anxieties as power structures seem to crash before our eyes. Romance can bring deep joy and excitement, no wonder many of us find purpose and hope in it. Comfort, care, understanding, adventure; it’s no surprise we feel a blessed kind of happiness surrounding romance. Romance and capitalism have forged a powerful union, offering hope to those through difficult times - and it's paying off big time! People are purchasing dreams of love and joy more than ever before, building a bridge between uncertainty in the future and optimism rooted in the present. Romance is not the only thing in life, that people often indulge in. Amidst a sea of other emotions and experiences, romance plays a significant role. From relationships to stories – it seems like our imagination definitely skews romantic in many ways. But, over time several insights about romancing has become evident. We don't need Love Inc. to face the future for us: through collaboration, we can all feel hopeful and connected. Working together, our communities rather than our couples will have the strength to succeed. We can build a brighter future, but we must be ready to break away from self-centered aspirations and invest our resources, both financial and motivational, in society as a whole. We cannot remain utterly devoted to the notion of Love Inc.; it is important that we prioritize our focus on the greater good. I don't necessarily consider this tale a love story, yet still I remain steadfast in my conviction that the days to come can surpass the current state of affairs. In essence, I trust that optimism and faith in a better tomorrow are profoundly potent pathways to romance. After all, our resilience already involves a persistent determination to thrive despite any limitations or restrictions one may be faced with. Through resilience, it is possible to keep pushing forward and striving towards success OUR way, not the Love Inc. way!
See also: https://mygodsentangels.com/